Alala
02-16-2014, 06:31 AM
Hello
I guess I have finally broken and decided to post a thread. The truth is, I am a very open person, but anxiety is one of the things that I keep very guarded in my life and never willing to share it (not even with my therapist until recently.) Might be the fear of facing what I actually feel. Anyway,
I have struggled with anxiety for years, fought many successful battles and came out victorious. I thought that was it, I had panic under control and was floating through life as I should. Except, something was very wrong and I didn't know what. I started to get worrying physical symptoms - I was very dizzy/lightheaded constantly, I was getting a lot of headaches. And I was feeling generally unwell most of the time. I ploughed through nevertheless, I had my heart checked, my brain and everything seemed fine. Until I realised the amount of stress that I was actually living under and thought it must be chronic stress. But then the feelings intensified and became more and more worrying. I started to withdraw and feel more and more emotional. On the last day of my therapy, I finally spoke out and told my therapist about everything I was feeling - and she told me I had generalised anxiety disorder (I never had a diagnosis but I trust my therapist and a lot of it started to make sense). I very slowly began to notice the amount of worries that I have been living with and the amount of uncontrollable thoughts that were making my body live in a constant flight. I always thought these thoughts to be normal and took them as automatic, normal responses to all the triggers around me. It never for a moment felt like a worry, but it was worry all the time.
I have started on a brand new therapy (something that came out very recently) and I have been discovering so much about the anxiety. But so far, I haven't felt much better yet (these are very early days). But lately, I started to feel so much more overwhelmed and a bit hopeless. Like never before. I think I am one of the most determined and persistent people in this world, but for whatever reason I just feel deflated and very down. For the first time, it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Though I strongly believe this will too pass, I got through so much and I will get through this too. But I feel like it would be incredibly helpful to have the reassurance of other people suffering from GAD, knowing their experiences, their stories. Although I realise this is unhelpful behaviour - seeking reassurance, but because I live with a lot of doubt as to my GAD's physical symptoms (I am hypervigilant and hypochondriac) I wish to know how other people feel with the physical symptoms of GAD. I feel that maybe I am mental - I have a huge fear of being mentally ill, especially bipolar. And everything I feel and everything I can't explain only feeds in.
So, if you are willing to share, I am willing to listen. Though I know how hard it is to explain things in writing. And I know how difficult it is to understand anxiety unless you live it.
Thank you
I guess I have finally broken and decided to post a thread. The truth is, I am a very open person, but anxiety is one of the things that I keep very guarded in my life and never willing to share it (not even with my therapist until recently.) Might be the fear of facing what I actually feel. Anyway,
I have struggled with anxiety for years, fought many successful battles and came out victorious. I thought that was it, I had panic under control and was floating through life as I should. Except, something was very wrong and I didn't know what. I started to get worrying physical symptoms - I was very dizzy/lightheaded constantly, I was getting a lot of headaches. And I was feeling generally unwell most of the time. I ploughed through nevertheless, I had my heart checked, my brain and everything seemed fine. Until I realised the amount of stress that I was actually living under and thought it must be chronic stress. But then the feelings intensified and became more and more worrying. I started to withdraw and feel more and more emotional. On the last day of my therapy, I finally spoke out and told my therapist about everything I was feeling - and she told me I had generalised anxiety disorder (I never had a diagnosis but I trust my therapist and a lot of it started to make sense). I very slowly began to notice the amount of worries that I have been living with and the amount of uncontrollable thoughts that were making my body live in a constant flight. I always thought these thoughts to be normal and took them as automatic, normal responses to all the triggers around me. It never for a moment felt like a worry, but it was worry all the time.
I have started on a brand new therapy (something that came out very recently) and I have been discovering so much about the anxiety. But so far, I haven't felt much better yet (these are very early days). But lately, I started to feel so much more overwhelmed and a bit hopeless. Like never before. I think I am one of the most determined and persistent people in this world, but for whatever reason I just feel deflated and very down. For the first time, it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Though I strongly believe this will too pass, I got through so much and I will get through this too. But I feel like it would be incredibly helpful to have the reassurance of other people suffering from GAD, knowing their experiences, their stories. Although I realise this is unhelpful behaviour - seeking reassurance, but because I live with a lot of doubt as to my GAD's physical symptoms (I am hypervigilant and hypochondriac) I wish to know how other people feel with the physical symptoms of GAD. I feel that maybe I am mental - I have a huge fear of being mentally ill, especially bipolar. And everything I feel and everything I can't explain only feeds in.
So, if you are willing to share, I am willing to listen. Though I know how hard it is to explain things in writing. And I know how difficult it is to understand anxiety unless you live it.
Thank you