Urban
02-16-2014, 03:44 AM
Hi.
I am new here. My partner suggested I find such a forum, so here I am.
I have a humongous anxiety disorder. I also suffer with OCD, which usually crops up after an anxious period.
My anxiety started when I was pregnant with my first child and has come and gone out of my life a lot over the last 17 years. It is usually around a few different issues, but the predominant one at the moment is asbestos related.
I'd never really given asbestos much thought throughout my life. Then one day, I read an article and realised that these 'bits' of materials we had floating around our backyard were likely to be asbestos. I started researching and realised that the house we were living in had asbestos in the bathroom, the kitchen, one of the bedrooms, under the house etc.
I went on a massive downhill spiral that almost cost me my relationship and we moved out of there into a non asbestos house. I chucked a HEAP of stuff out (which goes against my grain as we are very 'eco-friendly' and 'light carbon footprint' types.
So we move into this house and everyone hoped that the problem would go away. But it didn't. I noticed asbestos at a house where my child has lessons once a week. I have HUGE anxiety the whole time we are there.
I notice asbestos in Telstra phone pits (Australia), under the eaves of shops, in lino in shops we go to.
But I was 'managing' it well enough until last week. We had a delivery of mulch from the local council, and there was all kinds of rubbish in it, and I was very aware that there *could* be asbestos in it, as we were shovelling it onto our gardens. Lo and behold, I notice a fibro type substance and almost have melt down. Called the council, who sent an asbestos guy out here who took samples - long story short - there was no asbestos. You'd think I'd be all good now - but no, I've got worse.
I started thinking about a friend of mine who, quite a few years ago, had a hole in her asbestos wall. I had a tea towel of hers here, with some flowers on it, that I was drying to turn into a balm. I got it in my head, that maybe she'd used this tea towel to wipe up the asbestos. So I emailed her and asked her - and she reassured me that no, she did not do this, she vacuumed it up. So THEN I'm like - CRAP, you are so not supposed to vacuum up asbestos, and I told her she needs to throw out her vacuum cleaner, but she said she can't afford to do that (which is fair enough...lol!) Anyway, now I am all "we aren't going there and she can't come here" because, even though she has moved twice since that asbestos house, and she has had her vacuum 'serviced' (I won't even go there with that one, but needless to say I freaked out on behalf of the person doing the servicing), I am aware that her vacuum cleaner is highly likely to still be spitting out asbestos particles.
Then yesterday I read something about how even though here in Australia we have a 100% ban on asbestos being imported or sold here, China has made cars and trains and sent them out here with asbestos in them. So then I'm all "well what else do they stick asbestos in", so was googling and inadvertedly came across the fact that a product called Bakelite had asbestos mixed in with it - and I have bakelite stuff here - a clock that belonged to my great grandmother, some napkin rings that belonged to my grandmother, the handles on a vintage buffet I own are bakelite and some vintage buttons I own are likely to be bakelite as well, AND the handles on some of our vintage tins are bakelite!!
So before I thought too much, I chucked the napkin rings and went all "what the hell am I going to do?" - do I chuck it all out? I ended up moving the tins outside, wiping down the bench they were on numerous times. Chucked out a shelf that the lid of one of them may have rubbed on and went and bought another shelf hoping no one else in the family would notice.
I've wrapped masking tape around the handles of the buffet. I plan on bagging the antique clock and giving the entire buffet and the buttons away (informing new owners of their potential asbestos problems).
I am starting work placement next week and I am freaking out that the courthouse I will be needing to spend some time in, that has just been renovated, is going to be contaminated with asbestos. Or the office I'll be working in, or the people I'll be working with might be renovating and not tell me etc etc etc.
I don't visit my Nan as much as I should because her house is asbestos and also she has just helped my mother (who I don't speak to, so can't ask) out with a recent move where they are painting stuff, and I don't know if they are sanding and painting asbestos walls, and creating dust that my Nan then carries back to her house.
This stuff is CONSUMING me. I've been to counsellors (one helpful lady told me to just break the stuff that I thought was asbestos - I was gobsmacked), I was on zoloft for 10 years, but stopped taking it a couple of years ago for various reasons. I went and bought myself some Rescue Remedy today, and that did help a little bit, but it isn't a long term solution.
I am scared I can never enjoy life because of asbestos. The problem is, that whilst I know I am magnifying and exaggerating the risks in my mind, asbestos actually IS a risk - so I am too scared to relax around it, because it is actually dangerous stuff.
I have had OCD before around being scared I was capable of doing terrible things to people - but I could rationalise that with facts. If I was scared that trees would uproot themselves and chase me, or aliens were going to abduct me, or moths would turn into monsters and eat me - these could be rationalised and perhaps dealt with.
But how do you do deal with REAL risks even though you know you are over reacting?
It all got too much for me a couple of days ago, and I went to a very dark place - and whilst it didn't scare me per se, the fact that I want to escape THAT bad, is a cause for concern. I've got kids and a partner and really can't be thinking about taking myself out of the picture :( But sometimes it just feels like the simplest solution - I am NOT suicidal at all, but that desire to escape is there, and it's not healthy.
Sorry I've rambled, I really need to just go BLAH and get it out - I just hope someone has had a similar experience? And can maybe share how they got past it?
Kind regards
Urban
I am new here. My partner suggested I find such a forum, so here I am.
I have a humongous anxiety disorder. I also suffer with OCD, which usually crops up after an anxious period.
My anxiety started when I was pregnant with my first child and has come and gone out of my life a lot over the last 17 years. It is usually around a few different issues, but the predominant one at the moment is asbestos related.
I'd never really given asbestos much thought throughout my life. Then one day, I read an article and realised that these 'bits' of materials we had floating around our backyard were likely to be asbestos. I started researching and realised that the house we were living in had asbestos in the bathroom, the kitchen, one of the bedrooms, under the house etc.
I went on a massive downhill spiral that almost cost me my relationship and we moved out of there into a non asbestos house. I chucked a HEAP of stuff out (which goes against my grain as we are very 'eco-friendly' and 'light carbon footprint' types.
So we move into this house and everyone hoped that the problem would go away. But it didn't. I noticed asbestos at a house where my child has lessons once a week. I have HUGE anxiety the whole time we are there.
I notice asbestos in Telstra phone pits (Australia), under the eaves of shops, in lino in shops we go to.
But I was 'managing' it well enough until last week. We had a delivery of mulch from the local council, and there was all kinds of rubbish in it, and I was very aware that there *could* be asbestos in it, as we were shovelling it onto our gardens. Lo and behold, I notice a fibro type substance and almost have melt down. Called the council, who sent an asbestos guy out here who took samples - long story short - there was no asbestos. You'd think I'd be all good now - but no, I've got worse.
I started thinking about a friend of mine who, quite a few years ago, had a hole in her asbestos wall. I had a tea towel of hers here, with some flowers on it, that I was drying to turn into a balm. I got it in my head, that maybe she'd used this tea towel to wipe up the asbestos. So I emailed her and asked her - and she reassured me that no, she did not do this, she vacuumed it up. So THEN I'm like - CRAP, you are so not supposed to vacuum up asbestos, and I told her she needs to throw out her vacuum cleaner, but she said she can't afford to do that (which is fair enough...lol!) Anyway, now I am all "we aren't going there and she can't come here" because, even though she has moved twice since that asbestos house, and she has had her vacuum 'serviced' (I won't even go there with that one, but needless to say I freaked out on behalf of the person doing the servicing), I am aware that her vacuum cleaner is highly likely to still be spitting out asbestos particles.
Then yesterday I read something about how even though here in Australia we have a 100% ban on asbestos being imported or sold here, China has made cars and trains and sent them out here with asbestos in them. So then I'm all "well what else do they stick asbestos in", so was googling and inadvertedly came across the fact that a product called Bakelite had asbestos mixed in with it - and I have bakelite stuff here - a clock that belonged to my great grandmother, some napkin rings that belonged to my grandmother, the handles on a vintage buffet I own are bakelite and some vintage buttons I own are likely to be bakelite as well, AND the handles on some of our vintage tins are bakelite!!
So before I thought too much, I chucked the napkin rings and went all "what the hell am I going to do?" - do I chuck it all out? I ended up moving the tins outside, wiping down the bench they were on numerous times. Chucked out a shelf that the lid of one of them may have rubbed on and went and bought another shelf hoping no one else in the family would notice.
I've wrapped masking tape around the handles of the buffet. I plan on bagging the antique clock and giving the entire buffet and the buttons away (informing new owners of their potential asbestos problems).
I am starting work placement next week and I am freaking out that the courthouse I will be needing to spend some time in, that has just been renovated, is going to be contaminated with asbestos. Or the office I'll be working in, or the people I'll be working with might be renovating and not tell me etc etc etc.
I don't visit my Nan as much as I should because her house is asbestos and also she has just helped my mother (who I don't speak to, so can't ask) out with a recent move where they are painting stuff, and I don't know if they are sanding and painting asbestos walls, and creating dust that my Nan then carries back to her house.
This stuff is CONSUMING me. I've been to counsellors (one helpful lady told me to just break the stuff that I thought was asbestos - I was gobsmacked), I was on zoloft for 10 years, but stopped taking it a couple of years ago for various reasons. I went and bought myself some Rescue Remedy today, and that did help a little bit, but it isn't a long term solution.
I am scared I can never enjoy life because of asbestos. The problem is, that whilst I know I am magnifying and exaggerating the risks in my mind, asbestos actually IS a risk - so I am too scared to relax around it, because it is actually dangerous stuff.
I have had OCD before around being scared I was capable of doing terrible things to people - but I could rationalise that with facts. If I was scared that trees would uproot themselves and chase me, or aliens were going to abduct me, or moths would turn into monsters and eat me - these could be rationalised and perhaps dealt with.
But how do you do deal with REAL risks even though you know you are over reacting?
It all got too much for me a couple of days ago, and I went to a very dark place - and whilst it didn't scare me per se, the fact that I want to escape THAT bad, is a cause for concern. I've got kids and a partner and really can't be thinking about taking myself out of the picture :( But sometimes it just feels like the simplest solution - I am NOT suicidal at all, but that desire to escape is there, and it's not healthy.
Sorry I've rambled, I really need to just go BLAH and get it out - I just hope someone has had a similar experience? And can maybe share how they got past it?
Kind regards
Urban