Anxiety and Love

[alaria]

I'm new to this forum and am very glad I found it. I just want to share my general story, get some opinions.

I've always been a nervous/anxious person, even as a child. I've been biting my nails, picking at my face, that sort of thing, for as long as I can remember. I would constantly worry about getting good grades as a kid, I fretted about my first relationship in high school. In college I was constantly worried about money (until I got some), time (as in being on time, leading to bouts of insomnia).

One thing I DIDNT worry about was my boyfriend. We met at school but ended up in a long distance relationship for 2 or 3 years. I never worried if he loved me (and still does), nor did I waver on staying with him through the distance. I doubted the two of US at times, but that's normal.

We are still together, live together now, been together for over 5 years. He is a wonderful, supportive person and I'm lucky to have him. But I've been consumed with a very anxious thought - do I love him? Do I just NEED him? Do I use him? Should I be with him? Etc. When I'm away from him, talking to friends about him, there's no question, but in his physical presence I often get VERY anxious.

I was recently diagnosed with anxiety/depression and just started Lexapro a couple of days ago. I'm glad to be taking some control of this situation. It's gotten really bad - heart racing, almost always nervous, constantly doubting. I can't tell what my "gut" feelings are anymore, especially about our relationship. I know that I admire him, love the person he is...I have dreams of us getting married, and I'm afraid my anxiety will tear that apart, despite his commitment to me.

So tell me, have you ever been anxious about love? How did you cope? It's as if I've forgotten how to just ENJOY each other, without fear.

[lenalane]

I have those feelings, too. I am going to go out on a limb and say that you have anxiety with the relationship - and that's what's causing the doubt. I also have lots of doubt when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. I am scared of leaving him - that if I did, I would realize later that the anxiety is what led me to my decision - not actually a decision that was right. I know he loves me and he has been very good with my panic attacks. When I think about how he will help me sleep in the middle of the night if I am tossing and turning (he'll rub my hands or my back).
Bottom line is that relationships become a bit bland as the years go by. That along with your anxiety is probably causing your doubt. Ask yourself - Is he a good man? Will he support me through anything and be a good father if we decided to have kids? If your answer is yes to those, then you should stay put and enjoy. A lot of women couldn't say the same thing.