Michael33
02-11-2014, 04:59 PM
Hi guys, I posted before about my anxiety experiences lately.. My psychologist believes all I have is a stress-related anxiety disorder which she strongly believes will go away within 6 months if I supplement properly with vitamins and get exercise and sleep. It all started because of all nighters and high high stress related to school.
However, the anxiety hasn't been bothering me lately, when I had a panic attack a couple of months back I thought I was having a heart attack, however the panic attacks never returned nor did the worry of having a heart attack etc. I occasionally worry about my lungs, but it's nothing that bothers me too much.
What really bothers me is this intrusive obsessive thought I've had ever since I started doing online research and I thought I had depression, one of the symptoms was suicidal thoughts - at that point it scared the heck out of me. However, for the last month I've noticed that the only time my anxiety is triggered is when the thought of suicide pops back into my head, or if I hear it on the news etc. I remember when I was getting myself off of ativan and Seroquel. I only took these for two weeks, and I had a vivid image of me cutting my throat and it made me have an intense fear/anxiety attack. Ever since then, it hasn't bothered me AS much, but it still bothers me because sometimes it feels like I'll just impulsively do it. Ever since I read an article saying that realizing intrusive thoughts are just your disorder playing tricks on you, I tell myself that whenever the word even comes into my head and it tends to go away right away, thus preventing any anxiety. I also had a violent intrusive thought while on medications that had to do with my mother, it scared the hell out of me but thankfully that thought didn't become an obsession at all and went away very quickly. Unfortunately though, sometimes I have random thoughts that always have to do with suicide, like I'll see a bottle of wind washer fluid and think 'I should drink that' then I'll move it away from me because it scares the hell out of me. Another thought was when I was in Florida staying in a hotel I thought I'd jump off the balcony, it felt very impulse driven as if I was going to get up any minute and just run and do it. It feels like I'm fighting off an urge, while at the same time I know I never will fulfill those urges because they scare the heck out of me.
I forgot to mention that these thoughts of suicide/related stuff will come around 6-7 times a day for the last month, mainly when I'm at home not doing anything to occupy my mind. When I'm out with friends they'll come around but are easier to get out of my head, sometimes I'll have 3-4 days where they barely come around, then I'll have them for 3 or 4 days strongly then the same cycle. However since I've stopped trying to understand them and just tell myself they are just intrusive thoughts caused by my anxiety, they've significantly gone away quite a bit. And I know for sure im not depressed, I still have a lot of fun when I'm out and I have a great life etc. etc.
I also started being more religious lately, I had ventured away from going to church etc. since I was an early teen, I'm 19 right now by the way, but now I tend to do the sign of the cross more often because at this point I'm looking towards anything that would cure me. I don't have any weird religious thoughts that I've read are common in OCD, I just started praying once in a while that whatever I have goes away.
I also have an obsession with numbers, that I've had for a very long time.For example, when I'm drinking water I'll take 7 or 3 sips at a time because they are my lucky numbers. It's only when I pay attention the the water bottle that I do this though, but I also do it with my TV volume sometimes eg I'll put it at 37. If I don't do it, I don't really care it doesn't bother me much though.
I know these are only a couple of OCD symptoms out of the many out there, but I'm afraid that because I've only had any issues for two months now that it'll get worse, and eventually become full blown OCD. I was only on medication for two weeks, the following two weeks I was on nothing, and for the last month I've been taking vitamins and excercising/practicing breathing techniques and I'll admit that I feel much better, I'm just scared it'll get worse or go back to how it was.
Can anyone tell me if this is OCD? I'm seeing my psychologist on Friday but I think she might have misdiagnosed me because I haven't had the disorder long enough or haven't done enough research to fully explain what I just wrote above.
However, the anxiety hasn't been bothering me lately, when I had a panic attack a couple of months back I thought I was having a heart attack, however the panic attacks never returned nor did the worry of having a heart attack etc. I occasionally worry about my lungs, but it's nothing that bothers me too much.
What really bothers me is this intrusive obsessive thought I've had ever since I started doing online research and I thought I had depression, one of the symptoms was suicidal thoughts - at that point it scared the heck out of me. However, for the last month I've noticed that the only time my anxiety is triggered is when the thought of suicide pops back into my head, or if I hear it on the news etc. I remember when I was getting myself off of ativan and Seroquel. I only took these for two weeks, and I had a vivid image of me cutting my throat and it made me have an intense fear/anxiety attack. Ever since then, it hasn't bothered me AS much, but it still bothers me because sometimes it feels like I'll just impulsively do it. Ever since I read an article saying that realizing intrusive thoughts are just your disorder playing tricks on you, I tell myself that whenever the word even comes into my head and it tends to go away right away, thus preventing any anxiety. I also had a violent intrusive thought while on medications that had to do with my mother, it scared the hell out of me but thankfully that thought didn't become an obsession at all and went away very quickly. Unfortunately though, sometimes I have random thoughts that always have to do with suicide, like I'll see a bottle of wind washer fluid and think 'I should drink that' then I'll move it away from me because it scares the hell out of me. Another thought was when I was in Florida staying in a hotel I thought I'd jump off the balcony, it felt very impulse driven as if I was going to get up any minute and just run and do it. It feels like I'm fighting off an urge, while at the same time I know I never will fulfill those urges because they scare the heck out of me.
I forgot to mention that these thoughts of suicide/related stuff will come around 6-7 times a day for the last month, mainly when I'm at home not doing anything to occupy my mind. When I'm out with friends they'll come around but are easier to get out of my head, sometimes I'll have 3-4 days where they barely come around, then I'll have them for 3 or 4 days strongly then the same cycle. However since I've stopped trying to understand them and just tell myself they are just intrusive thoughts caused by my anxiety, they've significantly gone away quite a bit. And I know for sure im not depressed, I still have a lot of fun when I'm out and I have a great life etc. etc.
I also started being more religious lately, I had ventured away from going to church etc. since I was an early teen, I'm 19 right now by the way, but now I tend to do the sign of the cross more often because at this point I'm looking towards anything that would cure me. I don't have any weird religious thoughts that I've read are common in OCD, I just started praying once in a while that whatever I have goes away.
I also have an obsession with numbers, that I've had for a very long time.For example, when I'm drinking water I'll take 7 or 3 sips at a time because they are my lucky numbers. It's only when I pay attention the the water bottle that I do this though, but I also do it with my TV volume sometimes eg I'll put it at 37. If I don't do it, I don't really care it doesn't bother me much though.
I know these are only a couple of OCD symptoms out of the many out there, but I'm afraid that because I've only had any issues for two months now that it'll get worse, and eventually become full blown OCD. I was only on medication for two weeks, the following two weeks I was on nothing, and for the last month I've been taking vitamins and excercising/practicing breathing techniques and I'll admit that I feel much better, I'm just scared it'll get worse or go back to how it was.
Can anyone tell me if this is OCD? I'm seeing my psychologist on Friday but I think she might have misdiagnosed me because I haven't had the disorder long enough or haven't done enough research to fully explain what I just wrote above.