vdaah
02-10-2014, 04:41 PM
I am a 23 year old male with anxiety and depressions to the point where I have no friends and work one day a week.
A little back story:
After years of having trouble concentrating, at age 19 I went to see a counselor. She and a psychiatrist both diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, and put me on medication. Sorry I can't remember the name, but it was one of those that might start helping in about two weeks. Anyway, the clinic switched my counselor and, with my sever anxiety, I couldn't handle opening up to someone else so I just stopped going.
Last year(3 years later) after still not being able to concentrate, being constantly worried by everything, and now having had suicidal thoughts for the past several months, I went to my GP who diagnosed me with depression. He also put me on a slow acting drug (I think it was Zoloft buy I'm not sure) that didn't help and wanted me to go back to therapy. With my anxiety still the way it was and nobody to talk to about it I couldn't bring myself to go back to counseling, and after going back to my GP two more times and being given the same prescription that wasn't helping I finally stopped all together.
After all of that, after being unable to concentrate for almost a decade, after dropping out of college and losing all of my friends, about a month ago I got a hold of some Klonopin; and it helped. It didn't help a little bit, it helped completely. At first I took it as needed when would start to feel overwhelmed, but it's slow acting and stays in the system for a while so I started taking it in the morning, and then throughout the day, to the point where I would take one with my morning vitamins, one around noon, one in the afternoon or evening and one to help me sleep, so totaling 4 1mg pills per day.
Like I said, this went on for maybe a month, but it helped completely. And I wasn't getting high off of it (except the one time I took one too many), I just finally felt normal. I wasn't sad all the time, I didn't feel hopeless or worthless, and most of all I didn't have this constant overwhelming anxiety. The everpresent feeling of fear of absolutely everything and nothing was gone.
Then, last week, I went to my GP (it had to be a new GP because of my new insurance) for three reasons:
1. I knew I shouldn't be taking a pill I wasn't prescribed (and it might not be the best for me anyway)
2. I knew you could both grow a tolerance and a dependency for drugs like Klonopin, both of which I feared might be happening. and
3. I was almost out and couldn't get any more.
So I went to my new GP and told him everything, afraid he was going to scold me for taking drugs that weren't mine, but he didn't. He was very sympathetic and put me on two drugs: Zoloft and Chlordiazepoxide, one as a long term solution and the other both as a short term help until the Zoloft started working and to keep me from feeling withdrawal from the Klonopin. Well, the Chlordiazepoxide did keep me from feeling withdrawal symptoms, but that was about it, and I had a violently bad reaction to the Zoloft.
So I went back as soon as I could I few days later(today). Even though I told my GP it wasn't helping he wants me to keep taking the Chlordiazepoxide because he it seemed like it was. I don't know how he gauged that, I was less anxious but it was only because I was feeling depressed, which I told him. He also replaced the Zoloft with Risperidone, which I don't really want to take because I looked it up and it's an antipsychotic prescribed to people with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and autism, none of which I have; plus the side affects look awful.
Also, the clinic referred me to a psychologist, but not here in my town, in a smaller town over 40 minutes away, and not for another week and a half; and I couldn't get them to change it.
I don't understand. The Klonopin worked, and it worked great, and my new GP won't prescribe me anything like it. Now I feel awful, just the way I did before, and I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I understand you can't just walk into a doctor's office and say "Hey, can you write me a script for this controlled substance I've been taking on my own", but that's not what I did, and I wasn't getting high off of it, and it's the only thing that's ever helped.
I'm 23 now and have lived most of my life in what feels like a cloud, alienating all my friends, quitting school and jobs that I loved because I felt overwhelmed by them, never dating because, how could I? And I finally found something that helps and it's out of my reach. Even if I was growing a dependence and/or a tolerance for the Klonopin, which I'm not even sure of, I'd rather live 5 more years like that then 100 like this. I felt normal, which felt great, and now it's gone.
Please, I need some advice.
A little back story:
After years of having trouble concentrating, at age 19 I went to see a counselor. She and a psychiatrist both diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, and put me on medication. Sorry I can't remember the name, but it was one of those that might start helping in about two weeks. Anyway, the clinic switched my counselor and, with my sever anxiety, I couldn't handle opening up to someone else so I just stopped going.
Last year(3 years later) after still not being able to concentrate, being constantly worried by everything, and now having had suicidal thoughts for the past several months, I went to my GP who diagnosed me with depression. He also put me on a slow acting drug (I think it was Zoloft buy I'm not sure) that didn't help and wanted me to go back to therapy. With my anxiety still the way it was and nobody to talk to about it I couldn't bring myself to go back to counseling, and after going back to my GP two more times and being given the same prescription that wasn't helping I finally stopped all together.
After all of that, after being unable to concentrate for almost a decade, after dropping out of college and losing all of my friends, about a month ago I got a hold of some Klonopin; and it helped. It didn't help a little bit, it helped completely. At first I took it as needed when would start to feel overwhelmed, but it's slow acting and stays in the system for a while so I started taking it in the morning, and then throughout the day, to the point where I would take one with my morning vitamins, one around noon, one in the afternoon or evening and one to help me sleep, so totaling 4 1mg pills per day.
Like I said, this went on for maybe a month, but it helped completely. And I wasn't getting high off of it (except the one time I took one too many), I just finally felt normal. I wasn't sad all the time, I didn't feel hopeless or worthless, and most of all I didn't have this constant overwhelming anxiety. The everpresent feeling of fear of absolutely everything and nothing was gone.
Then, last week, I went to my GP (it had to be a new GP because of my new insurance) for three reasons:
1. I knew I shouldn't be taking a pill I wasn't prescribed (and it might not be the best for me anyway)
2. I knew you could both grow a tolerance and a dependency for drugs like Klonopin, both of which I feared might be happening. and
3. I was almost out and couldn't get any more.
So I went to my new GP and told him everything, afraid he was going to scold me for taking drugs that weren't mine, but he didn't. He was very sympathetic and put me on two drugs: Zoloft and Chlordiazepoxide, one as a long term solution and the other both as a short term help until the Zoloft started working and to keep me from feeling withdrawal from the Klonopin. Well, the Chlordiazepoxide did keep me from feeling withdrawal symptoms, but that was about it, and I had a violently bad reaction to the Zoloft.
So I went back as soon as I could I few days later(today). Even though I told my GP it wasn't helping he wants me to keep taking the Chlordiazepoxide because he it seemed like it was. I don't know how he gauged that, I was less anxious but it was only because I was feeling depressed, which I told him. He also replaced the Zoloft with Risperidone, which I don't really want to take because I looked it up and it's an antipsychotic prescribed to people with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and autism, none of which I have; plus the side affects look awful.
Also, the clinic referred me to a psychologist, but not here in my town, in a smaller town over 40 minutes away, and not for another week and a half; and I couldn't get them to change it.
I don't understand. The Klonopin worked, and it worked great, and my new GP won't prescribe me anything like it. Now I feel awful, just the way I did before, and I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I understand you can't just walk into a doctor's office and say "Hey, can you write me a script for this controlled substance I've been taking on my own", but that's not what I did, and I wasn't getting high off of it, and it's the only thing that's ever helped.
I'm 23 now and have lived most of my life in what feels like a cloud, alienating all my friends, quitting school and jobs that I loved because I felt overwhelmed by them, never dating because, how could I? And I finally found something that helps and it's out of my reach. Even if I was growing a dependence and/or a tolerance for the Klonopin, which I'm not even sure of, I'd rather live 5 more years like that then 100 like this. I felt normal, which felt great, and now it's gone.
Please, I need some advice.