I really don't know what to title this :(

[destro]

Hi,

I couldn't come up with a title because my thoughts right now are just so confused and so I kinda just wanna let it all out here and hopefully someone can help me as to what I need to do..

I'm pretty sure I suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem and low confidence, and it's really beginning to affect my life. I'm 20 at the moment and studying at university living on campus (it's a flat with 7 other people). The thing is i'm really weird about myself...sometimes I feel fine and think i'm doing okay, being social, going out that kinda thing... and then other times i'm just scared to even be near people because i'll just be there with nothing to say. That's one of my main problems... I'm really bad at conversation, I'm not sure if it's because I'm bad at starting it (like i'll walk into a room with someone there and just say hi and nothing else) or because I just don't feel connected enough with people to think they actually want to speak to me. My other main problem is that I act really awkward about things, I also say stupid things randomly, when I try to force conversation.

I feel like I want to be a really social person, an extrovert, but then I feel like I can't handle doing any of those things, I'm scared when the spotlight is on me in a group. My mind is always blank when it comes to conversation in a group so I end up just sitting there, I want to just leave because it's like I'm not even contributing. I feel like no one really connects with me or talks to me because of my lack of conversation. Whereas I feel when I speak online to the few friends I have , I can make conversation a lot easier... is it just because I'm more used to speaking online? Or is it because I'm just anxious in real life... I really don't understand this too well, I don't even know whether it's the anxiety affecting my life.

Honestly I think I am a decent person, I'm a nice geniune person, I show general concern for others, I'm reliable, intelligent....other people have said I am decent looking as well, but I just feel like my problems are getting in the way of everything...I've never had a girlfriend and don't see myself with one just because I feel like i'll be boring, awkward and have nothing to talk about....but on the other hand I sometimes think those things don't matter and I can overcome them...

I'm just really confused about my life right now, I don't know if it's anxiety causing most of it, if I'm just like this or what.. :(

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read this all, and anyone who replies.

[NixonRulz]

I believe you indeed have some anxiety issues

look around and browse the threads

Lots of good things here

[destro]

Any advice for my own situation??

[Fourteen14]

Any advice for my own situation??

Hi Destro

Often anxiety precedes a situation (in your case it appears to be social connections from what you have said).

The "stage fright" type anxiety when interacting with others can quickly fall into a pattern of behaviour (like a habit).

The worry that others will think you are lacking in conversations most likely is what causes you to clam up (like a cycle forming) "I fear I will clam up" therefore "I clam up" then "people think I have nothing to say" therefore "I fear I will clam up next time" and so on.....

In your post you mention that chatting online gives you more freedom to express yourself.

2 points here

1. This must reassure you that you are capable of social interaction and that you do have things to say.

2. The internet likely gives you that freedom because the anxiety that triggers on a face to face basis doesn't exist online, allowing your conversation to flow naturally.

The way to begin to overcome this is trying to reduce putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

If you try to make a conscious effort firstly around small groups or individuals that you feel comfortable around, then build up over time.

It would be safe to say that there aren't many people who truly hold worthwhile conversations with everyone all of the time (most people are simply good at chit chat )

Sometimes strong personalities can also dominate conversations and grab the groups attention, a good way to ease your way in, is to ask open questions to the ones doing all the talking.

Also instead of worrying that you aren't saying much, observe others around you. Are they saying much? How often are they speaking? Is there a genuine value to what they are saying?

Small steps is always a good way to begin building your self esteem.

[stp4779]

Some great advice from 14!

I agree that you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I find when I'm having problems conversing, I ask people questions - see what makes them tick. Often times they'll mention something that I'm also interested in, then the conversation becomes much more natural.

Keep at it - 14's right in not letting yourself slip into the habit of being afraid of the anxiety. Keep talking to people, and it's a great idea to start out small to help build your confidence.

[NixonRulz]

Some great advice from 14! I agree that you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I find when I'm having problems conversing, I ask people questions - see what makes them tick. Often times they'll mention something that I'm also interested in, then the conversation becomes much more natural. Keep at it - 14's right in not letting yourself slip into the habit of being afraid of the anxiety. Keep talking to people, and it's a great idea to start out small to help build your confidence.

I know who you are 14

[Fourteen14]

I know who you are 14 Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!!!! ;)

[SSMommy]

Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!!!! ;) Hmmmmmmmmm...

[stp4779]

Haha! Who is 14 really??

[NixonRulz]

Haha! Who is 14 really??

Just a joke

Someone that was here sometime ago but their account got all screwed up and had to set a new one

No big secret

A good poster though

[Fourteen14]

Haha! Who is 14 really??

I was formerly known as 41 but felt it was time to turn my life around ;)

[NixonRulz]

I was formerly known as 41 but felt it was time to turn my life around ;)

That was so bad it was actually funny!