destro
02-09-2014, 07:58 PM
Hi,
I couldn't come up with a title because my thoughts right now are just so confused and so I kinda just wanna let it all out here and hopefully someone can help me as to what I need to do..
I'm pretty sure I suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem and low confidence, and it's really beginning to affect my life. I'm 20 at the moment and studying at university living on campus (it's a flat with 7 other people). The thing is i'm really weird about myself...sometimes I feel fine and think i'm doing okay, being social, going out that kinda thing... and then other times i'm just scared to even be near people because i'll just be there with nothing to say. That's one of my main problems... I'm really bad at conversation, I'm not sure if it's because I'm bad at starting it (like i'll walk into a room with someone there and just say hi and nothing else) or because I just don't feel connected enough with people to think they actually want to speak to me. My other main problem is that I act really awkward about things, I also say stupid things randomly, when I try to force conversation.
I feel like I want to be a really social person, an extrovert, but then I feel like I can't handle doing any of those things, I'm scared when the spotlight is on me in a group. My mind is always blank when it comes to conversation in a group so I end up just sitting there, I want to just leave because it's like I'm not even contributing. I feel like no one really connects with me or talks to me because of my lack of conversation. Whereas I feel when I speak online to the few friends I have , I can make conversation a lot easier... is it just because I'm more used to speaking online? Or is it because I'm just anxious in real life... I really don't understand this too well, I don't even know whether it's the anxiety affecting my life.
Honestly I think I am a decent person, I'm a nice geniune person, I show general concern for others, I'm reliable, intelligent....other people have said I am decent looking as well, but I just feel like my problems are getting in the way of everything...I've never had a girlfriend and don't see myself with one just because I feel like i'll be boring, awkward and have nothing to talk about....but on the other hand I sometimes think those things don't matter and I can overcome them...
I'm just really confused about my life right now, I don't know if it's anxiety causing most of it, if I'm just like this or what.. :(
Thank you to anyone who bothered to read this all, and anyone who replies.
I couldn't come up with a title because my thoughts right now are just so confused and so I kinda just wanna let it all out here and hopefully someone can help me as to what I need to do..
I'm pretty sure I suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem and low confidence, and it's really beginning to affect my life. I'm 20 at the moment and studying at university living on campus (it's a flat with 7 other people). The thing is i'm really weird about myself...sometimes I feel fine and think i'm doing okay, being social, going out that kinda thing... and then other times i'm just scared to even be near people because i'll just be there with nothing to say. That's one of my main problems... I'm really bad at conversation, I'm not sure if it's because I'm bad at starting it (like i'll walk into a room with someone there and just say hi and nothing else) or because I just don't feel connected enough with people to think they actually want to speak to me. My other main problem is that I act really awkward about things, I also say stupid things randomly, when I try to force conversation.
I feel like I want to be a really social person, an extrovert, but then I feel like I can't handle doing any of those things, I'm scared when the spotlight is on me in a group. My mind is always blank when it comes to conversation in a group so I end up just sitting there, I want to just leave because it's like I'm not even contributing. I feel like no one really connects with me or talks to me because of my lack of conversation. Whereas I feel when I speak online to the few friends I have , I can make conversation a lot easier... is it just because I'm more used to speaking online? Or is it because I'm just anxious in real life... I really don't understand this too well, I don't even know whether it's the anxiety affecting my life.
Honestly I think I am a decent person, I'm a nice geniune person, I show general concern for others, I'm reliable, intelligent....other people have said I am decent looking as well, but I just feel like my problems are getting in the way of everything...I've never had a girlfriend and don't see myself with one just because I feel like i'll be boring, awkward and have nothing to talk about....but on the other hand I sometimes think those things don't matter and I can overcome them...
I'm just really confused about my life right now, I don't know if it's anxiety causing most of it, if I'm just like this or what.. :(
Thank you to anyone who bothered to read this all, and anyone who replies.