View Full Version : i feel insecure
hannah1989
02-06-2014, 10:51 AM
Hi! Im new to this site I was just on a random search of how i can help myself with depression im feeling right now, then i fell on this site and forum. I'm not fluent in english but i will try to express myself. Here's my story..Im a 24 years old and i feel like im too old with my age that im still lack in any experience compared to my age group. I dont have a boy friend and i never had a boy friend, I dont have stable job. I just recently quit on my job because of severe anxiety. I just started a job but quit immediately because I cant stand the pressure in dealing with people and colleagues, i feel insecure about myself and feel tensed, im afraid to ask questions, im afraid to talk, so i ended up burn out. When i got home, the situation still bothers me, i couldnt eat well and preoccupied, i couldnt sleep well at night I woke up in between feeling anxious and panic. Because of that feeling i decided to quit a job, and now im suffering from depression. Feeling worthless, and wanting to die instead. Hope you can help me how to deal with my anxiety and social phobia.
Pierogies99
02-07-2014, 02:25 PM
Hello and welcome! I'm new here as well, but I've already found a lot of great advice. Looking through the threads helped me a lot so far, so you should totally browse through as many as you can. Onto my advice!
What I have been doing the past few weeks is setting small goals for myself which are meant to boost my confidence. My examples are looking people in the eye when I speak to them, no slouching when walking around, and saying hello (or at least nodding my head) if I pass by someone. These are small, but whenever I manage to do them, I feel a bit better. I can also do all three at once! Unfortunately, you have to force yourself to interact with people, even a little. I know it sucks because people suck, but once you get a few good experiences under your belt it becomes just a little bit easier next time.
There is also the recommendation everyone gives about going to the gym. It will build confidence because you will get in better shape, but you also see a huge energy boost when you start going regularly. Going alone is hard though. If you can find someone to go with you, they would help push you out during those days where you don't want to get out of bed. I'm being a hypocrite though because I don't do this myself, but it is good advice if you can manage it.
In regards to a job, do you have any friends or family you would be able to work with? Or any activity that gets you out of the house you can do with them? My friend got me a part-time job with him, and it's usually just me and him all day, so it's been pretty easy to go to work since it is someone I am (relatively) comfortable around. If you have someone there you can get support from during a bad experience, it should be much easier to handle going into work. Or find a job where you would be working by yourself. At the very least you'll be happy that you aren't wasting your day away, and you also get money!
Are you afraid to talk in groups? Or is it a one-on-one thing as well? Groups can be intimidating, especially if there are people who just love to hear themselves talk. I rarely can say a word because I don't want to interrupt, or worse, be ignored. I'm a bit better one-on-one, but if I get ambushed I start to panic and come off very awkward and insecure. What I do is plan out a bunch of conversations in advance. I can't post links because of my post count, but the thread is called "Conversation Awkwardness," and it's in the Social Phobia sub-forum. This helps you be prepared, which should help get over your thoughts freezing and drawing a blank. Picking the topic gives you an advantage since it will be something you are familiar with.
I totally can understand feeling worthless. Once the bad thoughts start flowing, I'm not doing anything else for the rest of the day/night, and tend to just go to sleep. My advice: get a hobby. For example, I started playing the piano, and every time I manage to learn a bit more of a song I feel great about myself. Even better would be something that would get you out of the house, even if it didn't take you around people. Some days even this won't help if you are like me and lose interest in everything during those times. Other days though, it will keep you occupied. Find something that you can get better at as well. Progressing at anything gets those good feelings flowing.
Listen to upbeat music, or watch comedies when you are feeling down. Music especially has a huge influence on your emotions.
Go see a therapist. Pretty self-explanatory. :D
I hope some of my advice helps you. This won't be easy, but I'm sure you will get through it and find happiness some day. :)
hannah1989
02-07-2014, 03:20 PM
Thank you Pierogies99 at least I know that there's someone who experience the same feeling as mine. I hardly speak to person who seems superior to me like for example my boss or co worker especially when i know that i am new at work, my silence often misinterpreted that i have a bad attitude I also cant give a smile when im tensed. Those are the things that Im trying to work out with. It takes a lot of time for me to feel comfortable to new people and surroundings. However, your advice of taking a few steps at a time to greet and say hello to someone probably would be a good help for me to learn to establish a good relationship. Thanks!
Pierogies99
02-10-2014, 08:37 PM
Thank you Pierogies99 at least I know that there's someone who experience the same feeling as mine. I hardly speak to person who seems superior to me like for example my boss or co worker especially when i know that i am new at work, my silence often misinterpreted that i have a bad attitude I also cant give a smile when im tensed. Those are the things that Im trying to work out with. It takes a lot of time for me to feel comfortable to new people and surroundings. However, your advice of taking a few steps at a time to greet and say hello to someone probably would be a good help for me to learn to establish a good relationship. Thanks!
You'd be surprised at how many people feel the same way you do, although it can be to varying degrees.
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