Feeling rejected and alone at the moment

[kateb]

Hi all,

I've been ok for a few days but just wondered if anyone has any advice about two topics. The first one is, when you are home alone, what do you do to keep yourself from becoming anxious? Today is my first day of being unemployed because I was made redundant, so I'm feeling a little bit low, and my fiancee had to go on a work trip overnight. So I'm on my own (well, I have cats but I still feel a bit alone!) and my mind has started to race a bit. Trying to just say to myself, you know your mind is racing because of anxiety, don't let yourself get wound up! But it is a bit hard - I think coming on here helps cos I get some of my worries out.

Secondly, something I keep returning to whenever I feel anxious is a friendship issue. One of my friends fell out with me a while ago over a time when I let her down (was dealing with lots of my own issues at the time - not trying to make excuses, but I was struggling to look after myself, and shouldn't have tried to help her too I think) and anyway, I thought we patched it up, but I've been picking up quite a lot of judgement and hostility since then, and recently confided in another friend about it. With only the best intentions, she passed it on, and suddenly the first friend just dropped me - blocked me on facebook, hasn't talked to me.... I know it is probably for the best because she clearly doesn't want to be friends, and is immature and difficult. But I feel so rejected, and today had to keep blocking photos on fb from her birthday party where all my other friends were, except me because I was uninvited, because I felt really sad seeing them all enjoying time together, and how much they clearly love her. I feel jealous and hurt, because as far as I'm concerned, I haven't done anything wrong, but I am the one who gets excluded, and nobody holds it against her. I know that is petty, but I kind of want people to realise that she has done this kind of horrible thing and just cut me out - I am worried that she is going to tell lies about me - I recently spoke to somebody else who didn't know what had happened, and just assumed I didn't turn up to her party because I was being an ass.... that's not what happened at all! I get very nervous about what other people think of me so it really bothers me.

My other friends have reassured me that they still love me and care about me, and we are going to hang out together, but she is just such a major part of our social group that I worry that I will lose people, or that they don't genuinely like me - obviously a common trap for people with anxiety I know! But what with this, and losing my job, my self-esteem is taking a bit of a battering at the moment. My lovely fiancee helps me hold it together, but today he's not here, and I feel a bit lost!

I hope somebody else out there understands how I'm feeling, maybe they have been through similar friendship issues.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks x

[NixonRulz]

Well, where to start, Kate

For one, home alone wasnt that big of a deal for me but what I have seen people do is spend alot of their alone time on here

This forum isnt huge so you see the same people here everyday and you have a relationship with many, for a lack of better words

I just wont leave. Much to the dismay of many!

So the obvious things like watching movies and talking on the phone wirk I suppose

Or you can jump inhere and just talk about anything to a bunch of people who completely understand you

We are always looking for more regulars I assure you

With the second, that is a tricky situation

The same group of friends but you had a fallout with one of your better friends, or at least at one time.

If you genuinely still like her, take her out and have a come to Jesus (Sorry Ponder) meeting and get it worked out.

If you don't care to be friends anymore, you either go out with the others when she is not around or you deal with her when she is around

The latter s never easy as you compete for your friends approval over the other

[Kyle Morgan]

I can relate with you, I'm in a similar situation myself. I've lost a lot of friends the past year because of personal issues. Try to hang in there, funnily enough you have the exact same name as the girl who not long ago fell out with me too for no reason haha. Sorry about the situation you're in, all I ask is to keep strong, and hopefully you manage to come to terms with your friendship with this girl. It' hard when you lose friends who you think you can rely on and trust, especially when you're wondering to yourself "What did I do wrong" Been there numerous times. Yeah I sometimes get anxious alone because I feel that a lot of people my age are off doing fun things whereas I am usually alone at night with just my mother in the house, and I think about things that other people my age are doing, especially if it's on a Friday or Saturday night. Becase if my panic attacks and anxiety though I find it hard to mix with a lot of people.

[kateb]

Thanks guys. Yeah frankiecfc I think the honest, simple approach is best, I did just say to my friends, "I really have no idea why this has happened" and I'm trying my best not to 'sink' to the level of having a go at her (except maybe in my private thoughts haha!) I don't want to play the victim either, I guess I'll just go with "we're moving on, but don't let that influence you." If they are true friends, I hope they will stick with me. I just struggle not to feel hurt, but hopefully that will improve with time.

I think the friendship is too much hassle and not enough reward to try to make it work Nixon. Thanks so much for the advice though, I really do feel like this is such a good place to just come and offload a bit - it also seems to help me to give other people a bit of advice, sometimes I can take it myself - like I just said to someone else to try a certain kind of relaxing tea, and then thought "Hey, I could do that myself" haha!

And thanks Kyle, I'm sorry that you have had some difficult situations with your friends too. It is that thing of trying not to obsess over what I did wrong, or what other people think - which is one of my most major issues! But I get where you are coming from. I have moved away from big group socialising in the past few months. I just feel a lot more comfortable and happy when I am spending time with just one or two people - I feel like I really get to talk to them then, and listen to what they have to say. In a big group, it is much harder to really catch up with people I find. Luckily I don't get too anxious with socialising, but yeah I definitely prefer small groups. There's not much to be said for going out on a friday or saturday night anyway, you aren't missing anything :) x

Also, now that this has happened, I am going to find it really hard to go to events where this girl is - but I am hoping to not have to deal with that for a bit. I'm a serial 'avoider' and my reaction to bad situations is usually to hide, either under some covers, behind a computer, or a tv screen! So I'm trying to fight the urge to move out of the area just to avoid one stupid person! Probably not the most rational response haha :P

Hopefully if I get another job, and get out of the house more, I'll be less apt to dwelling on things. I'm doing this couch to 5k running programme and going to the gym at least 3 times a week, which has helped me a lot so far.

[kateb]

Thanks Frankie :) I had a much better day today, went running again (all my running days seem to be better days oddly ;) ) and even got called by a recruiter about a possible job! So that was very encouraging! I feel like I am very lucky to have a lot of good stuff in my life, and to be able to focus on that. It is not that easy all the time obviously!