Hello everyone... New here....

[TryingSoHard1979]

Hey to everyone, I hope you are having a good day. I just signed up because doing this alone (severe panic, GAD, and depression) is so very hard, and I feel support can make a world of difference. I have been well off and on for 14 years, but as of late have been having an extremely difficult time. I will go into more details later, but for now I have to try and make it to lecture... Hopefully I can get through it without freaking out or falling apart. Look forward to talking, sharing and helping each other. Best wishes.


Danny

[jjh333]

welcome! you will definitely find a lot of support here along with people who will be able to relate to anything and everything youre feeling! Post more of your story when you feel ready!

[TryingSoHard1979]

Thank you for the welcome. I will be sharing details this evening. Thank you all. Warm wishes.

[TryingSoHard1979]

Hey everyone, I am not sure if this is the correct place for writing a bit about me and my situation, so my apologies if I am out of line. I also apologize that at this time I am in such a rough period that I will be most likely asking a million questions, and being one who is leaning more on the support and help from others than I could probably provide. I do wish to help anyone and everyone as best as I possibly can, and will go to great lengths to do such.

So I am 34. I had my first incredibly scary panic attack when I was 21 and away from home(texas) going to university in Florida. I woke up in a panic attack and my life spiraled out of control from there. I think the next 6 months were a shock as I never returned to Florida and tried to figure out what was going on. Over some time I got better and could function pretty close to normal for a year or so before a Major panic episode sent me spiraling. The next four years were strange, as I tried to go about life as normal as possible, with some success at times, and other times anxiety and panic disabling me from carrying out the simplest of task. in 2006 I went through a bad situation and while visiting my mother, I woke up in a sever panic state. This state escalated and became debilitating to the point that I was a basket-case 24/7. I would cope by lacing up sneakers and running for hours on end at all times of day and night. Of course I stopped every few minutes to throw up as I was not in the best of shape and carrying a few extra pounds. During these pre-ceeding years, I fought the idea of medication, was actually terrified of them. I was at a breakdown and could barely drive, barely cope and was just consumed with this monster. This time depression reared its head. iT was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Finally I gave in to meds. I was given Klon .5x4 and 25mg of zoloft. I was successful at getting on the meds with few to little side effects at all and life went on. I became functional, social, pro
ductive, all the things normal folk do. I had the occasional panic attack,little phobias and such, the scary thoughts and small episodes of controllable depression that lasted a few days at most, but life went on until October of this year when I decided for some reason to wean of the Zoloft. I was fine for about 4-6 weeks and then BAM.. Panic city again with a pretty hefty depression. I thought maybe with some time and a little council I would adjust and work it out. Well last week after going to the doctor she was pretty adamant that my Klonopin was too high of a dose and that I needed back on an AD to help. So I wrestled with it, scared to get back on meds, and finally friday I took the plunge. She prescribed 50 mg of which the first night I took around 12.5 and the next two nights I took 25mg each night. The first day back on was not so bad, however I could not sleep. My anxiety was very high and then I had a really bad panic attack REALLY BAD, but something else just did not feel right inside. I know the symptoms associated with getting on AD's and tried to push through. However last night I went over the edge. Panic is almost 24/7 and I can not sleep, barely eat, can not sit still, and feel just horrible. I never remember having any of these effects the first time I got on the meds, so why now? These feelings are overwhelming physically and emotionally, and I can barely function at times. I have engineering classes that require a lot of attention to detail and work and each class last almost 4 hours. I can barely sit still for 5 minutes without breaking down. I don't know what to do. my dr said take the zoloft 25 mg every other day fir 6 days and then stop??? I was only on it again for three days on such a small dose, so weaning of seemed unnecessary, not to mention if it is the zoloft that is making me feel so bad, taking it and dealing with it seems impossible and too much to bare. If i weaned of or stopped will I feel decent again like I did a few weeks back. IDK? I feel so mixed up and am falling apart at the seams...

[HockeyRules]

Maybe the Doc is giving you a chance to see if it really is the Zoloft.... My guess is and this is strictly a guess.....he might be trying to ease you a little hoping that you don't have any issues when doing it every other day. I agree with you....., 3 days back on it shouldn't need a weaning process. If it isn't your cup of tea....just get off them. Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy from a phycologist ? They try to help you pinpoint your anxiety etc....... Without the use of Meds. It's what I am doing ....I am no where near perfect but I have learned a lot of tools for my arsenal in case I need them. I was on Paxil and Ativan ...20mg of Paxil.....tapered to 10mg ...then off altogether now for 3 plus weeks. I still have the Ativan....but I haven't needed them. I suggest you get back to that running or any exercise program that has some intensity as it is soul food for the brain as well. Hang in there. We will have peaks and valleys...we hope for more peaks then valleys til we can be level minded again.

Hang in there !

David Drupp

[HockeyRules]

Oh....and the 24/7 basket case......yea.....been there. It sucks feeling helpless. Go see a good psychologist....if you don't want to go the Meds route. It can be done......get some tools and confidence...it's what they are there for...

Keep your head up.....

David

[jjh333]

it's really good you're seeing your doctor. keep us posted with whats going on, and I'm sure more people will chime in with advice!

[TryingSoHard1979]

Thank you kindly for all the replies!!! Well I got a little sleep last night which is great. I have stopped the Zoloft which is bittersweet. I really am disappointed that for some reason things went wrong. I was hoping this would be effective just like the first time in 2006. I am actually looking for a psychiatrist here in Austin, but without insurance it may be a little tough. Yesterday I could barely sit in class, and had to get up and walk around the building for a few. I have reluctantly upped my dosage of klonopin to 1 mg twice a day and .5 twice a day, but I still feel like a nervous wreck. Funny thing is I am TERRIFIED of meds, which is why it took me 6 years to try to get on them initially. The thought of trying another med freaks me out so bad. I am not sure how I am supposed to get through this. I feel absolutely horrible right now, seems like I am barely functioning. I do not know how I am going to keep up school or keep from losing my mind. Every little thing is 10000 times harder and my thoughts scare the hell out of me.

[TryingSoHard1979]

Seriously though, thank you again everyone for the replies.

[TryingSoHard1979]

Hi Danny

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone in what you are going through ok.

Have you spoke to student services. Most universities would have a disability/equity etc service. You may be able to get some extra support there. Also clinical psychs and counselling are usually offered too.

Read as much as you can, post as much as you're comfortable to do so. You will soon find you're feeling inspired and a bit better. Lots of support here.

Good luck Danny

Well actually I am at a community college at the moment. I did go talk to the student services and although they do not provide and council there, she did give me some places to call and inquire. I really want to feel better, I just feel so stuck and so afraid.....

thank you again..

[Cullingford]

Hi Danny really good to meet you I hope you start to feel better soon. Take it easy

Cully

[TryingSoHard1979]

Things will get better for you Danny. You are reaching out obviously wherever help may be sought and with that kind of commitment your bound to do ok. Unfortunately you have to be patient though.



Thank you Frank. I definitely want to feel better. Patience is not one of my strengths during times like these, but I am holding on as best as possible.

Thank you so very much.

[TryingSoHard1979]

Cully, thank you, it is nice meeting you as well.
Hi Danny really good to meet you I hope you start to feel better soon. Take it easy

Cully

[BoBandoCommando]

Danny, please realize that you have survived everything in your life up to this point. There is not a reason that it will stop anytime soon, either. Keep talking to these people on this here forum. I'm new as well and it immediately made a great difference to know that there are people almost right beside you who know what it's like too.
Best of luck, and you can do it, man!

[TryingSoHard1979]

Thanks man. I've definitely been through a lot, as we all have. I know this can't kill me but dang sure feels like it sometimes. I know it's going to take work to get better. I've been better before, but this stuff has come back out of nowhere. Guess I was better but never fully healed. Just really pissed that I was doing good a few months back until I weaned off Zoloft then it came back with a vengeance. After a few months I tried to get back on Zoloft (last Friday) and made it three days then I started having horrible panic attacks, constant anxiety and felt like I was losing it man. I don't understand why I had this reaction to Zoloft this time as I don't remember having it true first time on it. Keep in mind I am terrified of meds. Absolutely terrified. Now I'm spiraling and don't know what to do. All day is hell. Sorry to vent just struggling.

[BoBandoCommando]

You don't have to apologize for venting. Guilt should not go along with any anxious feeling, but I understand too. I'm always apologizing to everyone around me for some phantom crime I must have committed.

[TryingSoHard1979]

Thanks Frank, I know there are variables to all this and I guess that is what makes this so difficult. Would be easier If I was not terrified of meds.
Danny there are actually quite a few people who have needed to go back on meds, went for the old one and not had the same reaction. There are quite a few people who use different supplements etc

You could have a good look at some of those threads, it might be of use to you.?

[TryingSoHard1979]

Thanks man, yeah its just a habit I guess. I probably do feel guilty somehow and just want to make sure not to step on any toes.

You don't have to apologize for venting. Guilt should not go along with any anxious feeling, but I understand too. I'm always apologizing to everyone around me for some phantom crime I must have committed.

[SunflowerBlue]

Welcome! :)

[SunflowerBlue]

I hope you enjoy the forums.