Maybe I'm craaaaaaaazyyyyy

[Murakawa]

.... to probably misquote Gnarls Barkley.

Anyhoo, I thought I would pop by and say hello. I've been suffering from anxiety most of my life. I'm 25 now and as far as I remember it started when I was back in school. It was never really that bad until I got to Uni though, when I started having panic attacks and getting a quite frankly bizarre obsession with my health. I thought I had every disease in the book, ranging from appendicitis to vCJD (yes, that's MAD COW disease...)

It's been a big part of my life for such a long time now, yet I've never done much about it. I just stick with it, even though it means I can't do a lot of the things I'd like to do - mainly because I lack the confidence.

But anyway, things have been rough lately, and I'm feeling pretty motivated to at least make things better. I had quite a bad panic attack a few weeks ago and since then I've just felt so worn-down, apathetic about everything and... really just numb. Annoyingly, a couple of days after I had that bad panic attack I met a really lovely girl. We've started dating - and I feel that I should be happy beyond belief... but it's just contributing to my anxiety! ARGH! I keep feeling that I'm not interesting enough, or not attractive enough, or that she's going to suddenly change her mind about me. I know that these thoughts will only make things worse. So I'm determined to change. Anxiety has already had wayyy too much control over my life and I really badly just want it to stop!!

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I look forward to meeting you all and that you have a wonderful weekend! :)

Stephen

[angelyork]

Hi Stephen

Anxiety has been in control of my life for, let's see... 15ish years? There are a huge amount of things I 'can't' do, I know how you feel.

Don't give up hope, you're not alone.

Angel

[Bubbles]

Heya,
Anxiety can take over our lives so much cant it!
(I have ocd,panic attacks and general anxiety so i can relate ;) )
Sometimes it feels like the best things are made the worst because of our nerves,
I suggest to you to perhaps see your GP, see if theres anything you can do about it?

Also when your with your girlfriend, think positive thoughts, remember she obviously likes you otherwise she wouldnt be with you :p Dont push her away with your negativity, Focus on your breathing to calm your heart rate and focus on her not yourself, that should help you distract yourself away from your insecurities.

Its a first sign that you have acknowledged you have a problem with anxiety :) you will go forward and backward from here, remember just to stay focused remember she likes you and you will have bad anxiety days, its just part of the illness. If it makes things easier perhaps explain the panic attacks? That way shes not shocked if you should have an attack while on a date and she can understand your thoughts a bit better.
It wont help the relationship if you just worry her and keep her in the dark.

I hope this helps you. :)

[Murakawa]

Just wanted to say thanks for the nice welcome, Bubbles and Angelyork.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one with this horrible thing. Sometimes it can feel pretty damn isolating.

Bubbles - thanks so much for the advice. I do try my best to remain positive when I'm with my girlfriend. I guess in a way I'm still learning to trust her - I've ended up in some pretty bad relationships before and I think I'm scared of getting hurt. I know that's something that'll come with time.

I think I do need to see my GP about it. This is definitely putting a massive dark cloud over my life, and I don't think people are seeing the real me.