I dont want to feel like this anymore

[kay8787]

I'm new to this, so bare with me. I have spoken to people about my intense fear of public speaking and anxiety but I don't think they realize the extent to which it affects me.

By constantly avoiding it, I have made it way worse than it should be. I feel so nauseous and terrified even thinking about having to speak I cry every time. I just want to live without fear... I have never once in my life been free of this. For the career I am pursuing I need to be able to speak efficiently without just reading word for word from a paper.

I just feel alone. People tell me they are afraid of this a well and know how I feel but I don't think They do. I physically cannot do it. At least that's my mindset... If anyone can help is be really grateful :)

[ab123]

Maybe try it in small doses, present something to a few friends or family members. Let yourself sit with the anxiety and let it pass. Try to think about what truly frightens you about public sparking. What's the worst that can happen? And is the thing you're most afraid of really that awful? Ask yourself those questions...Maybe it will help. Good luck.:)

[HockeyRules]

I'm new to this, so bare with me. I have spoken to people about my intense fear of public speaking and anxiety but I don't think they realize the extent to which it affects me. By constantly avoiding it, I have made it way worse than it should be. I feel so nauseous and terrified even thinking about having to speak I cry every time. I just want to live without fear... I have never once in my life been free of this. For the career I am pursuing I need to be able to speak efficiently without just reading word for word from a paper. I just feel alone. People tell me they are afraid of this a well and know how I feel but I don't think They do. I physically cannot do it. At least that's my mindset... If anyone can help is be really grateful :)

Well....I don't like public speaking either.......but I think you NEED to expose yourself to this fear in some way to overcome it. Start out small....not saying you need to speak before thousands of people or anything. You will get confidence with each outreach in trying this. It is the way to do it.... Expose your vulnerable self and you might surprise yourself. That's been my experience.


Peace

David

[JoeCool]

I do some public speaking and always a knowledge that I am anxious/scared/fearful/etc. of what may happen. Acknowledging your anxiety may help you focus on your work at hand. Ignoring it only forces your mind to preoccupy yourself with the symptoms your body is feeling. I hope this makes sense...

[kay8787]

I guess the first step is the hardest and I can't seem to bring myself to stop avoiding it. It's definitely more than just a public speaking fear. Thanks guys for your help :)

[kay8787]

I have considered toast masters... But I could never work up the courage to go lol it feels hopeless lol

[TrystanGrayson]

Dont be panic, Stay Calm.

Dont feel that people are watching you, they are giving you attention. Just feel normal, while you give away presentation, speech or any other public speaking event. Convey your message as you are generally interacting with them. These days’ people are choosing public speaking as their career option. Have a look at the profiles of some of the well known celebrity speakers.

• Chad Hurley - co-founder of YouTube.com (saxton.com.au/chad-hurley/)
• Peter Sheahan - owner of ChangeLabs (leadingauthorities.com/speakers/Peter-Sheahan.html)
• Dynamo – Magician and break-dancer (jla.co.uk/cabaret-and-dance-bands/dynamo)
• Susan Bulkeley Butler - CEO of You, Inc. (bigspeak.com/susan-butler.html)

Watch their videos and get confidence. Don’t be disheartened! Do regular practice and soon you will be able to overcome your public speaking anxiety.

[meichmann]

Kay,
Alot of people don't like being up there to have everyone watch you. Trust me I know. The first time I played with a band on stage I was terrified. The best thing to do is stay calm, confront it, and do it. Once you're done you will feel great! You know then you can do it and the next thing you know, they will be dragging you off because you won't want to leave.

I know it may sound silly, but I was told to imagine the people you are speaking to in their underwear. It keeps your brain moving and helps distract you from it.

Just like your anxiety, confront it. Don't run from it. Every time you speak in front of people, you will get stronger. Trust me, from someone who has been doing it for years.

You will do just great!

[kay8787]

I have to change my mindset. I always tell myself I can't! I like the idea of thinking like they're not watching you. I guess thinking of them as friends...40 of them...lol
Thank you guys

[Emilia]

Hi Kay,

I want to let you know that betablockers help tremendously. Most doctors readily prescribe them because they're non habit forming, people don't abuse them, you don't have to take them every day, and they're safe and effective. If you tell your doctor that your fear of public speaking is hindering your advancement in either education or employment, he or she will probably prescribe a betablocker due to the debilitating nature of your fear.

If you don't want to go that route though, the CBT approach is helpful to some people too. Realizing that most audience members are friendly and that they're not going to judge you harshly is a good starting point.

Good luck and best wishes!

[Jaco808]

Try setting up something with friends and/or family to where you can speak in front of them. Practice speaking in front of a mirror occasionally to get used to knowing what you look like in front of others so you may get more comfortable.

Also if that doesn't work, a lot of universities offer public speaking classes. Good LucK!

[kay8787]

I've been practicing with friends! It seems to be helping! Plus propranolol haha Ughh! Thanks :)

[Emilia]

I'm glad things are working out for you!
Propranolol helped me too.

[DieuEtMonDroit]

Hello, public speaking is my basic problem. But I understand you, for me it is more than just the normal fear of public speaking. I too have avoided it my entire life. I just joined this in the past two days and wrote a long example of my problem on the welcome page. To summarize it, I worked on my problem over the past few years an made a lot of progress. But about 6 weeks ago, for a myriad of reasons I panicked in a meeting. That brings me here these days. The problem now spirals our of control. We need to get this under control and I wish you much better luck than I've been able to accomplish. My fear is really the intense panic attack, for me my blood pressure sky rockets and I hyperventilate. I am a well paid tall, athletic man, and it is wickedly embarrassing to demonstrate in front over everyone that I can't speak. I can't introduce myself when folks go around the room without a panic. Now, once it happens, the fear of it happening just keeps it happening.

Not to take away from any of the good advise that folks are providing, it just is not that simple. I've had many people give me the same advise that anyone gets that has a fear of public speaking. The problem is the intensity of the fear, that people do not always understand, and how it manifests itself. If I was equally scared, but my arm pits sweated like an ox, I could get past that - but I actually can't speak! And my audience can see that and I am humiliated, and they are embarrassed they have to witness it, and I am embarrassed that they are embarrassed, and I have to see them at work the next day, and we all have to wonder what happens the next time I have to speak......

I'll let you know if anything works for me. Please do the same.

[JeffreyGret]

I had this same problem. It happened throughout high school and continued in college, even to the point of me avoiding classes that would require any presentations. When I got the syllabus the first day I would scan it for any type of public speaking and drop the class if it required it and I also sucked with the going around the room introductions, worst! Eventually I dropped out of college. Since, I have always avoided any jobs that would involve this type of thing. However, my dream had always been to sing in a band and this past year I have done so, and played in front of audiences and been fine, although usually with a little help of alcohol I admit. It is still a huge accomplishment in my life. Now I think if I had to do public speaking, I may do better. I have found the key to these things, is getting control of your breathing and your heart rate before you speak. When these things are out of control, there is no saving it. Deep breaths inhale 1-2, exhale 3 mississippi, feel your chest until you get the beat normal, and speak slowly. I think also xanax or klonopin can help in these situations and they are pills I believe you can take right before as opposed to a daily thing.

[kay8787]

You just explained how I feel to a T. It's not as simple as we all would like it to be. The tips are great and I have tried some. It's a relief to know someone knows exactly how I feel though. For me too it's any type of performing. No one must watch me or i get panicky.

It's funny, I do the same thing with my college courses. I would either drop it, find a way out of it or just loss the marks and not do it. But now there is no avoiding it. My future career depends on it and I am sick and tired of it controlling my life. Just like you I can't form words. It's absolutely humiliating. My classmates are supportive but it still is horrifying. I have had success with propranolol an hour before any sort of speaking function. You're right once you have your body under control then it's easier.

Good for you on performing In your band! That's huge and says a lot about your progress. Next time try with a little propranolol if you can! Honestly talking on here has helped a lot so keep at it. No one judges :)

[DieuEtMonDroit]

Kay and Jeff, note that Emilia above also pointed out the beta blockers (like my Corgard) is useful for our problem.

[kay8787]

Yes! She gave me the idea. Thank you :)