increased meds? am i going crazy

[mama3]

Hi everyone.I am new to this. Not the crippling anxiety and personality disorder but the forum. Background.... mother who since i was 2 has been extremely mentally unwell went to mental asylums back in the 80s and saw things that scarred me. she has been trying to kill herself for 5 years. has put on 10 stone. i cant be around her because i think im going to end up like her. my dad left when i was 14. drank took drugs and had noone to look after me as my mam was in the hospital. have a sister. no help. dad used to beat mam. had to watch and hear this then mam used to beat us. alcoholics on both sides of the family. suicide on both sides. anorexic/bulimic since i was 8. have 3 kids. severe peri and post natal depression on first 2 last one stayed on meds throughout. 2 years ago after months of starving myself and going to cbt my therapist who was amazing but i feel did used me as an experiment allowed me to get from 11 to 7 stone and all he said was eat something its in your hands, so basically one day i stood up at home and started running around screaming that i couldnt breathe. cut to me in doctors surgery being given 3 stillnocht 2 valium and vomitiing everywhere. after 4 moths of hiding in my bedroom hysterical and gagging and diarrhaea constantly they finally put me into hospital for rest. so i stayed for 6 days but left because i didnt want to end up like my mam institutionalised, they upped my prozac to 40 mg and 5 mgs 2 times a day of valium. 2 years later i am diagnosed with ptsd, wont leave my house, am terrified of everything, spend all day on the couch hiding, went into my inner child and have never really come back. the doc upped my meds last week to 60 mgs prozac but that was awful. i feel like im numb, im terrified, im going to go crazy, ill lose my kids, my business, my husband, i wont change meds as im terrified of the side effects, so i rang the hospital yesterday and they told me go back to 40 mgs. i really need help. i feel so weak and exhausted but wired, i would love some support as i was never nurtured in my whole life xxxxx