Engaged...

[DainBramaged]

Hi All,
I am new to the board. Where to begin? I had my first panic attack some years ago over a very stressful situation that was persistant for several years, however was completely unrelated to my GF.

I have been dating the same girl for over 3 years and I love her very much. About a year ago I proposed and had a panic attack and she decided to give back the ring and we went to therapy for a while. I was always still uncertain about getting married and then she finally broke up with me. I was devistated crying and bad anxiety. I convinced her to come back and told her that I wanted to marry her and now I new she isnt the source of any my anxiety. Well, I proposed again last weekend and now of course I am having anxiety. She is associating my anxiety with not wanting to marry her and thats not the case. I think my anxiety is around the whole marriage thing in general. I think all the women acting crazy and frantic (including my girlfriend) about the ordeal scared me and caused me to have anxiety. I am wondering if I should go on some meds so I dont mess up my relationship, and what everyones thoughts are? :( I was on prozac for a period of 6 months or so before and seemed to work well...

[angelyork]

Hi Dain

This time around you may not have any reason to feel anxious about marriage - unfortunately, your subconcious propbably still holds on to the anxiety you felt first time, and recurs with the situation.

IMO anxiety has a lot to do with control (or lack of it!). I, and probably most other people here, work really hard to maintain a sense of control and stability, and anything that threatens that (new job, relationship, unusual event, someone being short with us, feeling ill, any change of circumstances or occurrence (not initiated by us), or any actual or perceived responsibilty/expectations - you get the idea ;) ) brings on anxiety. And once you've been anxious in a particular situation, chances are you will be again - until you learn some new behaviour (I can preach, but I haven't made any headway in 10 years).

As I said, this is my opinion, others might not agree. I just know that these are the kinds of things that set me off. And enough 'specialists' have told me I have to reprogramme myself to think differently to achieve results that I'm beginning to feel a lobotomy would be quicker and easier!

I don't want to make you feel worse by encouraging you to dwell on this (my mum calls it 'ruminating'), I just wanted you to know you're not a freak :)

Angel

[angelyork]

I also meant to say congratulations! This could be a very good thing for you, good luck.

[DainBramaged]

Hi Angel,
Thanks for the response. It made me feel better when I read it becuase its like you knew exactly what I was thinking. I also think that because the situation gave me anxiety before that is the only reason I am getting it again. Its kind of like I was anticipating it to happen and I didnt stop until the anxiety started. Being out of control seems to play a large part of it as well. My anxiety didnt start until all the people started calling to congradulate us and seemed to be in a frenzy. Of course I start to question everything because of fear, but it's really unfair. I am scheduling an appointment to go to the doctor today and get some meds to bring this anxiety back under control.



Hi Dain

This time around you may not have any reason to feel anxious about marriage - unfortunately, your subconcious propbably still holds on to the anxiety you felt first time, and recurs with the situation.

IMO anxiety has a lot to do with control (or lack of it!). I, and probably most other people here, work really hard to maintain a sense of control and stability, and anything that threatens that (new job, relationship, unusual event, someone being short with us, feeling ill, any change of circumstances or occurrence (not initiated by us), or any actual or perceived responsibilty/expectations - you get the idea ;) ) brings on anxiety. And once you've been anxious in a particular situation, chances are you will be again - until you learn some new behaviour (I can preach, but I haven't made any headway in 10 years).

As I said, this is my opinion, others might not agree. I just know that these are the kinds of things that set me off. And enough 'specialists' have told me I have to reprogramme myself to think differently to achieve results that I'm beginning to feel a lobotomy would be quicker and easier!

I don't want to make you feel worse by encouraging you to dwell on this (my mum calls it 'ruminating'), I just wanted you to know you're not a freak :)

Angel

[kkarnes]

Angel, I feel like you nailed it on the head. In your response to Dain you described exactly how I feel. What is IMO anxiety? I have only been dealing with my anxiety for a couple years. I was only diagnosed with general anxiety. But mine seems to come on how you described it; random things I associate fear with. Sometimes I don't even know what it is I fear. Thank you for your post.

[DainBramaged]

What is IMO anxiety?
In my opinion...

[kkarnes]

LOL You know, for whatever reason, when I saw that I thought it was some type of anxiety, and then later on another topic I saw someone use "imo" again and that time I got it and felt really silly.

I thought I was up on email/text/forum lingo, but apparently not. :D

[DainBramaged]

LOL... No Problem. ;)

[DainBramaged]

Well, I am now down 10lbs and still have debilitating anxiety. :( I'm trying to figure out what is causing my anxiety. I think its being afraid of being married. Really wierd...

[Sociald]

Well, I am now down 10lbs and still have debilitating anxiety. :( I'm trying to figure out what is causing my anxiety. I think its being afraid of being married. Really wierd...

Getting married is a big decision. I got married 8 months ago and even though it has been alot of work, it was best decision I have made.

Just follow your heart,, i am sure you will make right decision.
My life has been much better since I met my wife :)


Good luck!

[DainBramaged]

Well, I am now down 10lbs and still have debilitating anxiety. :( I'm trying to figure out what is causing my anxiety. I think its being afraid of being married. Really wierd...

Getting married is a big decision. I got married 8 months ago and even though it has been alot of work, it was best decision I have made.

Just follow your heart,, i am sure you will make right decision.
My life has been much better since I met my wife :)


Good luck!

Did you have any anxiety when you got engaged or about getting married?

[Sociald]

Well, I am now down 10lbs and still have debilitating anxiety. :( I'm trying to figure out what is causing my anxiety. I think its being afraid of being married. Really wierd...

Getting married is a big decision. I got married 8 months ago and even though it has been alot of work, it was best decision I have made.

Just follow your heart,, i am sure you will make right decision.
My life has been much better since I met my wife :)


Good luck!

Did you have any anxiety when you got engaged or about getting married?

I did not have anxiety attacks, but thats only because I have alot more control over my anxiety than I did in the past.

However, of course I got anxious. Heck its a major decision, if a person did not get anxious to some degree then we wouldnt be human.

Its how we handle that anxious feelings and just realize they are normal feelings.

I didnt get married until I was 33, so when I made that decision I knew it was the right one. But its been hard work these last months, but totally worth it.

After she says YES, there will be a whole different battle.

Just gotta learn to cope and follow your feelings, if that make sense.

Dont read into things too much :)