Do I suffer from Anxiety?

[A-Sav]

Hi all, I'm new here.

First off, let me just say hello to everybody, hope all is well.

I'm 25 years old, a male, and I'm here to find out if I have the symptoms of anxiety.

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She was previously married, has 3 kids, and we're now having a child together. I love her more than life itself and I'd do anything for her and her kiddies. I see her kids as mine and I want everything to be okay in the future.

but for the last 2 or 3 years I've been thinking a LOT about how we're going to manage financially. Raising one child is pretty tough, but looking into the not so distant future we're going to be supporting 4.

Clothes, food, bills, birthdays, school equipment and just loads of other things is going to cost a bomb.

Then there was the constant thinking of how my family would take it when I tell them I'm with a woman that's got three children... and now I'm stressing even more that we're having another.

I'm currently working in a office job which involves a hell of a lot of talking; something that I'm terrible at. I'm socially awkward and I can't seem to change. I say a handful of words to colleagues daily, and they pick up on it and sometimes poke fun at me (in a playful way) But it only makes it worse.

Every week I wonder how the hell am I still in this job. They could replace me and get somebody SO much better than I am in an instance.

The future looks quite un-sturdy but I try to be as strong as possible and get through each day at a time.

I'm getting this severe pain in my temples, my cheeks, across my face mainly near my nose, all down my neck and even the top of my back.

I sleep enough, I exercise and I try to change my diet. Nothing gets rid of it. Some days I find myself holding my own head up when I'm seated.

When I drive I lean back and have to keep my mouth open in order to try to ease thetension in my back.

I try breathing deeply and maintaining a positive attitude, but that doesn't help.

I literally feel like I don't know what to do. Years this has been with me and I can't see it going.

Is there any help at all?

I went on a short holiday to Cyprus a year ago, hoping that a week away from everyone and everything would be fine, but even then I couldn't relax.

I don't know how to explain it, it's eating me alive.

I'm thinking about finances long term, a baby on the way, work, peoples opinions. Is ridiculous. I feel like at any moment I could break down.

I'd hate to think of the damage it could be doing to my brain too.

[jessed03]

Yes, I feel you do have anxiety.

I feel you've caught it just in time.

You remind me a lot of me, and the stresses I had right before my break down. I didn't catch it in time. I went 'temporarily mad'.. Or at least that's how the massive levels of anxiety made me feel for a while hehe :)

You have very normal reasons to be anxious. It makes sense. I was reading along, nodding, thinking 'yep, sounds tough, yep, I'd be the same way'

What isn't good though, and infact is a problem, is the way this stress is affecting you. Stress is poison. It poisons you with bad levels of cortisol that can make you ill.

Your methods of coping, and releasing this stress aren't good. That's ok though. No ones are until they learn:)

What I'm gonna advise you to do is very important. It will stop you from getting a breakdown, I'm certain of it. It will also begin to take you closer to feeling normal.

You need to get the stress out, and away from you.. Instead of inside of you. You need a way to process this very natural stress, in a good way, so it doesn't harm you.

How to begin:

If you don't meditate. This is the time to begin. This is number one thing I want you to do. I don't wanna say why, cos meditation should be natural, and not a goal, but trust me on this!

http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf2/Mindfulness%20in%20Plain%20English%20Book%20Previe w.pdf

Read through this free book. Work through it. It will change your life.

It takes time, but again, trust me. Mindfulness has amazing stress busting benefits. If I'd have done it sooner in my life, there would have been no break down.

Secondly: your mind. The mindfulness will help. Once a week, burn a piece of paper by writing all your worries and fears down onto it. Write and write until you feel empty. Every worry you can think of, every frustration, every fear, every doubt, every bit of anger. Then do what you will with it. Throw it away, keep it, burn it. It doesn't matter, just get some of that tension inside of your head, outside.

Thirdly: Progressive muscle relaxation. Stress and cortisol play havoc with muscles. Tightness, tension etc. That's part of the reason for your head pains -- muscle tension. You're probably 70% tighter than you should be right now. That affects breathing, heart rate, blood pressure etc, all in bad ways. Progressive muscle relaxation is the art of relaxing muscles and relieving tension, through, well, tension :)

Here you can read it's benefits.

http://www.healtheducation.uci.edu/stress/muscle.aspx

I will post a link on how to do it when I find one I like. I learnt from a book, I need to find a good link.

Fourthly: Breathing. If you do this already, then great, but if not, I'll write it anyway.

Breathing -- You do it every moment of every day, and you will do so until you die. Might as well make it effective, right. When you're stressed breathing is often shallow, and comes through your chest. This is unhealthy and promotes bad sleep and more anxiety. It's hard to relax when shallow chest breathing.

For just 5 minutes a day, lay eyes closed on the bed. Put one hand on your stomach, and one on your chest. Very gently encourage the stomach to rise and move more with the inhalation and exhalation process. Try to limit the movement of the chest.

Diaphragmatic breathing is a great thing to do. It will make you feel better. Try and be aware of it all day, as you may slip back into chest breathing.

So those 4 simple things will help you so much. Please don't underestimate them and instead look only for answers to problems. Do both. Use your relaxed and energetic self to your advantage. Get into the habit of enjoying feelings of relaxation.

Relaxation will put you into a good place to deal with your life. Relaxation has been proven to harbour creativity, to give you more energy, more patience, better sleep better ideas, more passion, to make you a better communicator, to make you healthier -- all of those things will help you tackle your life problems. People ignore relaxation though, as they think what's the point, it won't solve my problems. This is an horrific attitude, and makes them very sick sadly.

Don't fall into that pitiful

It's very important to do it with a passive attitude. Do it to do it. Do it to enjoy the sensation, not to force yourself to relax or be healthier.

Take care, good luck with the little one and your family. If you have any questions, want any help, need more advice etc use your thread and I'll answer, and so will others :)

[GeneAllen]

g
Yes, I feel you do have anxiety.

I feel you've caught it just in time.

You remind me a lot of me, and the stresses I had right before my break down. I didn't catch it in time. I went 'temporarily mad'.. Or at least that's how the massive levels of anxiety made me feel for a while hehe :)

You have very normal reasons to be anxious. It makes sense. I was reading along, nodding, thinking 'yep, sounds tough, yep, I'd be the same way'

What isn't good though, and infact is a problem, is the way this stress is affecting you. Stress is poison. It poisons you with bad levels of cortisol that can make you ill.

Your methods of coping, and releasing this stress aren't good. That's ok though. No ones are until they learn:)

What I'm gonna advise you to do is very important. It will stop you from getting a breakdown, I'm certain of it. It will also begin to take you closer to feeling normal.

You need to get the stress out, and away from you.. Instead of inside of you. You need a way to process this very natural stress, in a good way, so it doesn't harm you.

How to begin:

If you don't meditate. This is the time to begin. This is number one thing I want you to do. I don't wanna say why, cos meditation should be natural, and not a goal, but trust me on this!

http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf2/Mindfulness%20in%20Plain%20English%20Book%20Previe w.pdf

Read through this free book. Work through it. It will change your life.

It takes time, but again, trust me. Mindfulness has amazing stress busting benefits. If I'd have done it sooner in my life, there would have been no break down.

Secondly: your mind. The mindfulness will help. Once a week, burn a piece of paper by writing all your worries and fears down onto it. Write and write until you feel empty. Every worry you can think of, every frustration, every fear, every doubt, every bit of anger. Then do what you will with it. Throw it away, keep it, burn it. It doesn't matter, just get some of that tension inside of your head, outside.

Thirdly: Progressive muscle relaxation. Stress and cortisol play havoc with muscles. Tightness, tension etc. That's part of the reason for your head pains -- muscle tension. You're probably 70% tighter than you should be right now. That affects breathing, heart rate, blood pressure etc, all in bad ways. Progressive muscle relaxation is the art of relaxing muscles and relieving tension, through, well, tension :)

Here you can read it's benefits.

http://www.healtheducation.uci.edu/stress/muscle.aspx

I will post a link on how to do it when I find one I like. I learnt from a book, I need to find a good link.

Fourthly: Breathing. If you do this already, then great, but if not, I'll write it anyway.

Breathing -- You do it every moment of every day, and you will do so until you die. Might as well make it effective, right. When you're stressed breathing is often shallow, and comes through your chest. This is unhealthy and promotes bad sleep and more anxiety. It's hard to relax when shallow chest breathing.

For just 5 minutes a day, lay eyes closed on the bed. Put one hand on your stomach, and one on your chest. Very gently encourage the stomach to rise and move more with the inhalation and exhalation process. Try to limit the movement of the chest.

Diaphragmatic breathing is a great thing to do. It will make you feel better. Try and be aware of it all day, as you may slip back into chest breathing.

So those 4 simple things will help you so much. Please don't underestimate them and instead look only for answers to problems. Do both. Use your relaxed and energetic self to your advantage. Get into the habit of enjoying feelings of relaxation.

Relaxation will put you into a good place to deal with your life. Relaxation has been proven to harbour creativity, to give you more energy, more patience, better sleep better ideas, more passion, to make you a better communicator, to make you healthier -- all of those things will help you tackle your life problems. People ignore relaxation though, as they think what's the point, it won't solve my problems. This is an horrific attitude, and makes them very sick sadly.

Don't fall into that pitiful

It's very important to do it with a passive attitude. Do it to do it. Do it to enjoy the sensation, not to force yourself to relax or be healthier.

Take care, good luck with the little one and your family. If you have any questions, want any help, need more advice etc use your thread and I'll answer, and so will others :)

What Jesse said here is good stuff. He has the personal experience as well. He knows what he's talking about. I would add, reconsider the added financial burdens right now I don't

think this is the time to marry, and that's my opinion only. Peace

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi A-Sav.. and welcome here.. :)

Some super great advice given so far.. I just wanted to say kudos to you for trying to make things work. It can't be easy with 3 kids and a 4th on the way and everything you are dealing with. You, sir, are incredible. Know that.. And the fact that you are working on this and worrying about it just shows how much you care and want things to work out.

Little stress is good; but you sound like you are obviously under major stress. Now with all those stressing factors in your life, perhaps there's something that can be done about what's causing the stress itself. Your place at work. Can you make it better? What are some things you can do to lower the things that are initially causing the stress? Questions like that in many places in your life.

I think it will help a lot to write down everything that stresses you. From the finances to a barking dog. We want to try and get rid of as many stress stimulating things as possible.. because all the little things add up.

It won't be easy at first, cause it just seems so overwhelming. And that's why it would be a very good idea to follow Jesse's advice. So you can help manage all of the stress/anxiety in a better way.. A lot of the times it feels as if the stress is there and unmovable. And in some cases, it is. And there is no sense in stressing about the storm that is coming, but in how you prepare for that storm.. well, that's where the change can be made.

[A-Sav]

Is the tired muscles normal? Just a few months ago I was painting in my flat... whenever I had to stretch upwards and paint my arms would go back and forth for about 30 seconds before getting really really tired.

And even chewing hurts. I take a bite out of a sandwich, chew a couple times and my entire face and jaw is SO tired.

I need to stop chewing and just sit there for a few seconds before the aching sensation goes.. and then everything is okay and I start chewing again.

Eating is even difficult.

When I drink alcohol and become tipsy, the pain goes away. Now I'm not saying I want to turn to alcohol, but it helps a lot.

I've even been tempted to buy some Marijuana as it relaxes you. It's very very frustrating.

Being in public and speaking for more than 2 minutes really gets me down too. Whenever I get home I feel like I need to take an entire day off just to recover.

Is this normal?

[jessed03]

It is very normal for the condition yeah, and even for high stress levels in general.

[jessed03]

Magnesium can help somewhat as it's known as natures muscle relaxer.

The progressive muscle relaxation which I'll try post the link to when I find it helps a LOT too.

[A-Sav]

Magnesium can help somewhat as it's known as natures muscle relaxer.

The progressive muscle relaxation which I'll try post the link to when I find it helps a LOT too.

Thank you so much

And thank everyone who's replied to me, I appreciate it. It's scary and I'm glad there are people out there who are willing to take time out to try to assist me.

Big thank you