Are these thoughts my anxiety or are they a mental illness like depression? :(

[savingkie]

Hi! I'm in high school and I have general anxiety (emetephobia and hypochondria) and pure obsessional OCD (just intrusive thoughts) but lately I've been having some really distressing thoughts. I'm not creating them, it almost seems like they're coming from outside my brain, but they're like: "Oh look another day that I can't handle"/"I won't be back at school tomorrow because you'll commit suicide and die" (Which I have no intent or plan to do, my intrusive thoughts normally focus around suicide)/ "I can never go to school again"/ "I'll end up going to school, getting upset, and committing suicide"/ "I can't handle this life"/ "Life is way too long"/"Eventually you're going to end up dying or committing suicide soon"/"I'm so sick of this"/"Why am I alive?". I seriously don't create any of these thoughts, they just pop up. These are really upsetting and disturbing as I have no history of depression, I don't feel worthless, my life is absolutely fine (minus a rough patch I've had for about 2 months, but everything seems to be improving!), and I've always had intrusive ANXIETY thoughts about suicide, but never have I actually made a plan and I have no history of wanting to die. I constantly find myself looking for reassurance/checking to see if I'm actually suicidal and it's really distressing. What if I am suicidal? :( Everytime I forget about them and I'm having a good time, the thoughts will creep in. Please help, I'm really scared that these thoughts will lead to something bad and that these might be the symptoms of depression or something :( What are the behaviors/thoughts of actual suicidal people? Do I sound like that, or are these just my OCD/anxiety thoughts? :( Thanks! (By the way, my parents and CBT therapist are fully aware of these thoughts and they don't seem concerned, I still don't feel reassured though) :(

As a little history, I've never self harmed, I'm an honor roll student, I have a lot of ambitions (which now seem to be torn apart by these bothersome thoughts), I have hobbies, and I'm friendly with everyone at my school, as well as having no family issues. These thoughts don't add up to the situation I'm in and I'm really upset and anxious.

[em1]

Hello there :) oh those dam intrusive thoughts,I know how scared you are but I promise you these thoughts have nothing to do with you wanting to commit suicide or die.this is your very anxious mind,our mind will
Come up with the most ridiculous thing that's totally against what we would ever do,so in your case it's that your going to go insane and commit suicide,YOU WONT and how do I know? Because it's your anxiety And your scared,I bet you have gone over and over in your had oh but what if what if,there's no what if,it's all anxiety,don't push these thoughts away no matter how scary,just let them come in to your mind and when they do don't give them
Any importance,let them
Be what they are and that's just thoughts. Let me put it this way I would love to win the lottery no matter how much I think I am,I know I won't,you see just thoughts,and every living person on this earth gets intrusive thoughts but they let
Them go but because you have a anxious mind already your over thinking them and giving them
Importance which then makes you think on my good it must be true and then the panic attack and so this keeps the thoughts going and the anxiety feeling,your not alone,chin up you will
Be ok