Hello Folks

[El Lukio]

Hi Guys,

I have surged around your forum before reading threads etc. but have never posted. I'm hoping by doing so, it will assist me with my crippling anxiety and fear. It's gonna be a long one so bear with me but I'll give you the background as to what I am about.

Up until 25th February 2013 I was a happy, live for the day type of person. I had little worry and a loving family (wife, 3 daughters and another on the way due April 2014). I never really worried as intensely as I do to the point that it is ruining my life.

On 25th February 2013 I had some mild chest pains. When I got home from work, my wife advised me to go to A&E (ER) just to get it checked out that it wasn't my heart. I did this and luckily it wasn't my heart. I had blood works done which were fine but the Dr. said he may have seen a shadow on my lung on my x-ray. This sent me into major, major panic and I was scared to death. All I could think about was that it was cancer and that I was going to die and leave my young family without a father. I had to wait 5 days for the x-ray to be confirmed by the consultant and luckily everything was normal. However, I'd had 5 days of little sleep and had lost 3/4 stone because I couldn't eat - I was so scared.

But that 5 days of waiting sent me into a panic spiral that I don't think I have ever got over. I became totally obsessed with my health and convinced myself that my time was nearly up. I eventually went to my GP who prescribed Propanalol to help with the anxiety which seemed to help. I still didn't shake it off totally and requested a blood test for piece of mind which came back clear again with no issues.

I had a few months off from anxiety over the Summer but at the back of my mind I knew it was still lurking there. Then in October 2013, I awoke one Monday morning with an uneasy stomach. After a week of feeling nauseous and having a burning sensation in my abdomen I went to the GP again who prescribed Ranitidine for acid reflux. This didn't help and made me more nauseous so I went back and they gave me Omeprazole which seemed to help although it didn't fully get rid of the issues.

I have been suffering with this since October and I have other feelings in my shoulders and stomach which feel like tension. They're not really painful - just tense really.

The thing is I am totally obsessed that I am still dying. I cannot get the thoughts out of my head. Every little ache, pain or anything sends my mind racing that it's something serious. I'm totally obsessed and I know most of this is the result of my unsound mind. If I do something that I can concentrate on, nothing hurts. It's like I wake in the morning and wait for it to start. The anxiety, stress and low mood are tiring me out. It's affecting my work, home life and enjoyment of everything. I am totally infatuated with my own demise. I am too scared to go to my GP again and I'm afraid of wasting their time.

I need to find a mechanism to cope with my anxiety before it's too late. I have not contemplated suicide but I have thought about it which, if you read the above, is totally paradoxical. I'm scared I'm dying yet I think about ending it all.

I can't help but think that if the A&E Dr hadn't sowed the seed in my head, I wouldn't be so obsessed with cancer and terminal illness now. It's everywhere I look, in everything that I see and my mind has started interpreting these as messages that something is wrong. I am on the verge of bursting into tears daily.

I am sorry for offloading like this. I really have few people to talk to. I don't want to burden my wife or my friends with my woes and for the most they are 'pull yourself together' type of people.

Thanks for taking a few moments to read this. It really is the first time I've managed to offload.

Peace and Love x

El Lukio.

[GeneAllen]

Anxiety, that's all this is. Learn to meditate, don't waste anymore time. Stop looking up diseases you don't have on the internet. Burden your family, that's why we have family.

I suggest you get this today. go to Brainsync.com Lots of science behind it, I was skeptical, I paid 10.00 dollars for one mp3 download (relieving anxiety). You get two theta wave mp3's

60 minutes of listening with headphones. Realigns and centers your thoughts, helps you rest. DO NOT try and run from the thoughts, let them be there, they are not the problem,

they are not the problem, your reaction to them is hyper sensitive only right now, and that is fine, they will pass as you let them be there. I also have now gotten another mp3 from

Brainsync.com called "brain massage" different frequencies, and clarify thoughts, and integrate the left and right hemisphere's of your brain. Again very centering, and not only that

they can shift you from a sad mood, anxious mood, or a stuck feeling to balance. Share and talk here as openly as you can, talk to your loved ones. Peace

[El Lukio]

Thanks Gene...appreciate your reply. You read my mind:


Stop looking up diseases you don't have on the internet.

Worst thing you can do but I still do it!

I will heed your advice and take a look at Brainsync.

Thanks again.

[GeneAllen]

Cool Bro,

You do that and keep me posted. My son is 26 and he asked me about this today as well. He wants to do it since he has anxiety also.

Peace

[em1]

You poor thing,it's hard to describe to somebody who has never felt this fear or had a panic attack,what dose did your GP put you on with the propanol ?

[El Lukio]

30mg once a day if I remember. I've long since run out. Could probably do with more but feel as if I am wasting their time.

[em1]

30mg once a day if I remember. I've long since run out. Could probably do with more but feel as if I am wasting their time.

This is not a high dose and for the anxitey you are having I would ask if you can up your does,I am on setraline 50mg for my anxitey and it's been amazing for me tho I know not every med
Is good for everyone,please don't feel like your wasting there time as your not your trying to make yourself feel better,I've had panic attacks for years and it can be so Hard to cope with when you have work,children and a wife and all you want to do is go back to how you was
Phone your GP if you feel you want to

[El Lukio]

All I want is to go back to how it was. I never used to be like this. I look at other people and think 'if only you knew what I was going through' - I know that's bad and I feel guilty for doing it. My health obsession is at the forefront of every thought from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. I can't do anything without thinking about it.

Morning's are worse by far and I find it takes until about lunchtime until I'm in a frame of mind that I can actually concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing whether at work or at home. I keep planning to go back to the GP but never commit to it. I run through what I would say to him a million times a day and I go to the online appointment booking portal constantly but never make the appointment.

The meds did help and did help to curb my anxiousness. I know meds are frowned on but frankly, if they work I will use them.

I've got to make that appointment.

[JoeCool]

Lukio...I can completely relate to your plight! I have it the same way as you. Health related concerns all day and all night long. Every ache and pain is the end. Indeed, please stop looking up info online; it only makes things worse! I used to do the same but had to stop because it would drive me into an anxiety frenzy. I don't google anymore...period. It's our OCD that keeps us obsessing and thinking the worse, nothing more. What do you do now to cope? Perhaps visiting the doc isn't a bad idea. Meds may be able to help if needed...

[Dahila]

El lukio welcome to the forum.

I can't help but think that if the A&E Dr hadn't sowed the seed in my head, I wouldn't be so obsessed with cancer and terminal illness now. It's everywhere I look, in everything that I see and my mind has started interpreting these as messages that something is wrong. I am on the verge of bursting into tears daily.

I had my anxiety under control when my xrays come with the shadow in left lung, of course my stupid GP was suggesting something awful; cancer (she does it to everyone)
I waited a week for CTscan and then almost two weeks for the results. Results; slight changes due to chronic asthma... I was so happy, but from this time on I lost control. Panic attacks and anxiety 27/7....


All I want is to go back to how it was.
There is not going back, but it does not mean that you will not manage your anxiety;)) There is hope, and a lot of ways to do this. You will find some here, people try everything:)

Meds are not frowned on, most people are on meds, I am too. They are for me the last resort, I tried everything , now I am doing Linden Method and later will try the method Gene talks about it. Will not hurt:)

[jessed03]

El Lukio - hey man. Firstly, heck of a beard! How many years in the making?

Funny story, and no offence intended, I thought you were Amish! Just due to the impressive nature of the beard. Then I saw you lived in the UK. Then I realized if you were Amish, you wouldn't be on a computer lol. At that point I felt a little embarassed!

Anyway, I dunno if you've seen the stats, but in certain places 1 in 6 adults in the UK fills a prescription for antidepressants. If you go to the supermarket on a busy Saturday; at least one person in every single isle, in the queue for every checkout, and working on the checkout counter, is taking an antidepressant -- well, that's how it averages out :)

I would say anyone that frowns on them these days lives in the 50's, has their own agenda, or possibly likes to make money by offering alternatives ;)

Joe Cools spot on, it's so vital to stop doing anything that makes it worse. Try reduce or quit anything that hypes up your fear. That includes all googling and internet searches about health, reading books or articles about health issues... It also includes stopping scanning your body for problems, but that's a little harder and comes with time.

You will feel your anxiety go down by around 30-50% by doing this. It's my belief only, but I believe it's virtually impossible to get over health anxiety whilst constantly symptom checking or googling. Someone prove me wrong, I'm yet to see it hehe :)

The day I finally quit googling health fears or reading about them on forums, I never looked back from!

I'd like to see you act quite quickly. I'm glad you posted. You want April to be a pretty special month, not for it to be clouded by anxiety! Quitting searching until that time will help. Meditating will help. Start it today if you're not already, seriously!!!

Chat to your GP. Come on. Get it done. Do it do it do it. Time is a factor here! I know it's hard, but you'll feel good afterwards for taking such proactive steps. Pro activity is the enemy of anxiety.

They can offer you a med choice, if they believe you need it, they can also offer you CBT. That has some of the best recovery rates for hypochondria. I didn't see those three letters posted in your thread, I'm not sure if you've had it before. It's very important though, and free here.

Things to do:

Stop Googling
Start meditating
Book in to the see the GP
Ask for CBT and their opinion on meds for you if you haven't already

Good stuff :) take care!

[El Lukio]

Lol thanks Jessed! That beauty was about 4 months in the making...I've since shaved it back at bit as it was getting unruly and I was getting bored with it. I'd never had a beard before and only started growing it when my anxiety and depression started...funny eh? Almost like I was hiding behind it. I've still got a beard (I'll post a recent photo) but it's not as magnificent.

I understand where you are coming from. As of tomorrow, there'll be no more Googling symptoms and I am going to book a double appointment with my GP. I need something to get through this.

My wife questioned me tonight as she's recognising my symptoms from when I was like this last year. I came clean and explained how I was feeling. I can't burden her with this though. She does enough bringing up our 3 daughters and is also pregnant with our 4th.

Today has been a bad day. I've been very down, very anxious and nervy and also very tired. I was nearly asleep at my desk after lunch. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better...

Thanks for being here guys x

[mr.blanks1981]

At El Lukio, I can appreciate your torment (it's why we are all here), but do you spend even *one-hundredth* as much time in physical, symptomatic pain as you do worrying these past 4 months you have a lethal condition? :p

Carpe Diem!

[Take_A_Look_There]

Lol thanks Jessed! That beauty was about 4 months in the making...I've since shaved it back at bit as it was getting unruly and I was getting bored with it. I'd never had a beard before and only started growing it when my anxiety and depression started...funny eh? Almost like I was hiding behind it. I've still got a beard (I'll post a recent photo) but it's not as magnificent.x

HA! I love the beard. Starting last September through the New Year, I grew my Santa Claus beard. It was great fun. But now, I've shaved it back substantially.

Now I'll wait until this coming September to start again. I've also got the "HO, HO, HO!" down pretty well, so I think I see a Santa suit in my future at a mall in my area.... :)

[El Lukio]

El Lukio

I have suffered with health anxiety on and off since I was a lad (now 36 ) I have diagnosed myself with every terminal, tropical and genetic mutation available to science (with a little help from google).

You clearly have a lot of responsibility with your expanding family, and it makes sense that the kick start to all of this stems to some extent from the debacle with the fuzzy x-Ray.

However I want to share a small exercise I devised for myself that was the only way I could stave off a nervous breakdown, I hope it helps you to gain perspective.

According to the 2011 census there were 53.01 million people living in England.

Premature death of people aged under 65 accounts for approximately 153,000 annually (all causes)

Sound a lot? Not if you consider this is approximately a whopping ...... 0.29% (yes not even 1%)

So roughly 3 in 1000 people under 65 ..... (Stay with me on this ha ha)

Ok.....sooooo....

Bearing in mind your family are extremely important to you.

Would you gamble everything you own, your entire family security basically risk everything you have to purchase a scratch card that gave you 3 chances in 1000 scratch cards of winning £1m ?

Why? Because they are incredibly poor odds, because there are 997 chances that you will lose everything?

So ask yourself, why you are prepared to let the good times between you and your family, watching your kids grow, living every moment and enjoying the fact you will likely be having the kids stick you in a nursing home when you are 78, effectively pass by through stress and worry .....

Based on such horrendously terribly bad odds of premature death?

Food for thought.

Stay well, stay off google.

Regards

James :)

Thank you James - that is truly an inspiring post and certainly puts things into perspective! I appreciate the time you have taken to write it.

When you look at it like that, it makes sense and does give me some comfort. However, my mind then kicks in and says 'ah, but what if you're in that 0.29%!' Ridiculous isn't it? I've had reassurance from the GP - two blood tests last year, x-rays etc. There are no genetic or sinister diseases running in my family but still I can't get my head out of the bad place it's in.

I think my premature father's death (he died in an accident at work when he was 50 - I was 22 at the time) has something to do with this as well as the responsibilities I have as a parent.

I've had counseling recently to help me come to terms with his death (albeit 9 years later - some sort of delayed PTSD I assume) which helped me deal with that but it doesn't seem to have helped with the anxiety.

I know I keep going on about returning to the doctor but as part of my anxiety I have a serious fear of doctors, hospitals and anything medically related. I even have to go out of the room when the wife is watching Grey's Anatomy!

But thanks again for your post - it really is good of you to offer advice to a complete stranger. I have no one to turn to but the community on this board who so far, and in the short time I've been here, have proved to be kind, caring, supportive and willing to listen. It's kind of given me a lifeline and I do feel better for talking on here.

Big love x

[TaliaJo]

Hi, welcome to the forum!