Envious of Normal

[Mark Brunton]

Good morning everyone. I am in Bangor, Maine, USA. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire adult life, but have been actively treating it for the last 5-6 years, beginning a year or so before a divorce. The anxiety and panic attacks, alternating with moodiness and depression were very harmful to my relationship. I have recently graduated from college and I'm re-entering the workforce, which in this economy is challenging, and has brought on many feelings of anxiety, then depression and feelings of low self worth. I know my thoughts are irrational, I have a very extensive resume, and maintained a high GPA. But, I keep thinking that no company will hire me, or i won't get into the grad school I apply to, and money problems will prevent me from reaching my goals. This worry over finances has shaped my whole life, and led me into near poverty, with bad credit after divorce/foreclosure/lay-off and now student debt. I don't see a way out. I do, however, recognize that my money problems over the years are related to my anxiety and constant worry over money caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with spending/saving/borrowing.

When i am in these states of alternating depression and anxiety, I realize that my outward attitude is negative and will not serve me well in job interviews, but I feel so gloomy, I just can't shake myself out of it.

This is my introduction and my random thoughts about where I am, currently. If anyone has any similar experiences or thoughts to share, I welcome them.

[janey]

Good morning everyone. I am in Bangor, Maine, USA. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire adult life, but have been actively treating it for the last 5-6 years, beginning a year or so before a divorce. The anxiety and panic attacks, alternating with moodiness and depression were very harmful to my relationship. I have recently graduated from college and I'm re-entering the workforce, which in this economy is challenging, and has brought on many feelings of anxiety, then depression and feelings of low self worth. I know my thoughts are irrational, I have a very extensive resume, and maintained a high GPA. But, I keep thinking that no company will hire me, or i won't get into the grad school I apply to, and money problems will prevent me from reaching my goals. This worry over finances has shaped my whole life, and led me into near poverty, with bad credit after divorce/foreclosure/lay-off and now student debt. I don't see a way out. I do, however, recognize that my money problems over the years are related to my anxiety and constant worry over money caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with spending/saving/borrowing.

When i am in these states of alternating depression and anxiety, I realize that my outward attitude is negative and will not serve me well in job interviews, but I feel so gloomy, I just can't shake myself out of it.

This is my introduction and my random thoughts about where I am, currently. If anyone has any similar experiences or thoughts to share, I welcome them.

I think today, almost everyone is overly anxious about money and do have bad spending habits. This can really be helped by some self-control and talking yourself out of buying things. I'm always worrying about money and if I'll ever succeed with it and not live paycheck to paycheck. I, however, do not have an extensive resume like you. You will get hired. The question isn't if, it's when. It may take some time in this economy. Companies are over-loaded with applications that get backed up for months and months. I'm sure they don't read all of them. If you don't get hired, it's not because you didn't exactly qualify. There's so many factors that could have gotten in the way that had nothing to do with you.

As far as self-esteem goes, you're not alone in the least. When it comes to job interviews, you have to put on an act in a way. Just be pleasant, be clean, look your interviewer in the eye, smile, etc. It's just for 15 (+/-) minutes. I will say I'm so very fake around my boss and I was when he was interviewing me even though I was anxious and hated myself. When I walked away from the interview, my happy mask blew off in the wind and I had my lonely drive home. You kinda just have to do what it takes.

Things will be okay for you. It gets better. At times, it helps to put things in perspective and evaluate how lucky you are.

Congratulations for graduating from college. :)