EonBlue
01-25-2014, 10:00 AM
I'm so mixed up anymore. I called the doctor yesterday and came in for an appointment for Risperdal at a very low dose. He have it to me as a general "evener" of the brain as he calls it, to reduce anxiety and cut paranoid thinking, it also has some mood stabilizing properties.
I'm really confused and upset at how it is my brain works. I can see it clearly - but I can't seem to do a thing to stop it. It is like for me, my mind or brain takes every thought it has seriously. A dire important anxiety or urge kicks in and suddenly I'm wrapped up in something again. It happens like a wind, so by the time I realize it it's already happening again. It's just really confusing. It upsets me because I know that quite often I will get upset over things that don't mean anything overreact, cause problems and social issues that "aren't really there" .....waste time and energy sacrificing the things that really are Important etc. While responding to this alarm signal that is on all the time.
The risperdal helps some, but I'm just upset that this is actually happening to ME. I'm trying to wake up and disengage from and let all that go when I realize it's happening sort of thing - the problem is sometimes I can't realize it. And sometimes it is hard to disengage.
I've been giving more thought to serious meditation. I mean really making a practice dedication daily. I really need some help "letting to " as it seems to be the biggest problem my brain has. I worry over everything , and therefor am nearly debilitated in my life.
I'm really confused and upset at how it is my brain works. I can see it clearly - but I can't seem to do a thing to stop it. It is like for me, my mind or brain takes every thought it has seriously. A dire important anxiety or urge kicks in and suddenly I'm wrapped up in something again. It happens like a wind, so by the time I realize it it's already happening again. It's just really confusing. It upsets me because I know that quite often I will get upset over things that don't mean anything overreact, cause problems and social issues that "aren't really there" .....waste time and energy sacrificing the things that really are Important etc. While responding to this alarm signal that is on all the time.
The risperdal helps some, but I'm just upset that this is actually happening to ME. I'm trying to wake up and disengage from and let all that go when I realize it's happening sort of thing - the problem is sometimes I can't realize it. And sometimes it is hard to disengage.
I've been giving more thought to serious meditation. I mean really making a practice dedication daily. I really need some help "letting to " as it seems to be the biggest problem my brain has. I worry over everything , and therefor am nearly debilitated in my life.