Hi! I'm Kate!

[kateb]

Hello,

I'm new here so I just wanted to introduce myself.

I've previously had issues with anxiety, starting with panic attacks when I was a teenager, and compulsive lip-biting/movements when I'm under a lot of stress.

I was alright for a few years, having the occasional panic attack if placed in a difficult situation or after a build up of stress, but generally feeling ok. Then I partially completed a teaching course a couple of years ago, and found it too much - I went back to compulsive picking, panic attacks, and became depressed to the point of wishing I could just have an accident and be in hospital instead of going into school.

After removing myself from that situation, I found things gradually improved. It has taken a long time, but I finally got to a point where I felt healthy and happy again in a job totally unrelated to teaching, with very little anxious symptoms.

Then I found out I was being made redundant. I'm really struggling now - can't stop biting my lip again, every muscle in my body feels constantly tense - I'm sleeping very lightly - having not much to do at work any more doesn't help with that. I've become really distant from my boyfriend, even though he only proposed a few weeks ago (oddly enough, on exactly the same day I found out about my job). I started spending more time in the gym and eating better in January, because I was feeling worried about my health and weight, and running gives me something to do to express my excess nerves and energy - but although I tend to feel good immediately afterwards, leave it a few hours and I feel frozen with nerves again, and unable to settle to do anything at home. Sex hasn't happened since I found out, and every time the subject is broached I feel awful, my heart just starts pounding and I tense up - for some reason a lot of anxiety has been displaced onto this topic, which has never happened to me before so it is quite frustrating and worrying for me.

I'm starting to feel really low - I've applied for a couple of other jobs but haven't heard anything back yet. I'm worried about money, about losing the connection to my boyfriend and just really concerned about how tense I feel right now - just like I used to when I was teaching. I'm struggling not to be teary and defeatist.

Although I totally realise that many other people have much worse anxiety than me and greater problems, I just wanted to come to a place where I felt people would understand, and maybe be able to give me some tips on maintaining my relationship and optimism in such a difficult time.

I hope to get to know some of the people on here better and that we can help each other out a bit.

Kate x

[kateb]

I have had a couple of counselling sessions over the past three years, which were very helpful, but I had to stop as I sort of 'skipped the queue' in the school holidays, and then was moved to the back of the line again - I am investigating getting some again, I know I will be on a waiting list and obviously money is a concern because of the job situation. But I do think I need to get to the root of all this!

[jessed03]

Hey Kate! Welcome

There are good books out there that can be helpful in warming you up to the principals of certain techniques or therapies. Depending on what you felt would be the treatment for you.

Talking things out helps a lot with stress. I'm glad to hear you're looking at talking therapy again :)

Talking here is often very helpful to some people.

I used to be a big lip biter. Lots of girls used to think I had a crush on them, as bit my lips a lot. They mistook it for uncontrollable attraction towards them lol. Few of those were a little awkward. I mainly do it now when I'm deep in thought.

Obviously there is a lot of quite normal anxiety in your post, that has been heightened due to maybe accumulation of stress, of not being able to manage it.

When you're able to get on top of it, and you've managed to find some better living situations - which I hope you do! - you'll begin to feel a lot better. I have high hopes for you with some thorough treatment. I hope the money issue permits it when you get to that stage!

You talk about stress a lot in your posts, stress that you've suffered at different stages of your life - have you learnt any stress reducing activities? Even meditation would probably make a difference if you aren't doing it already! :)

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hello Kate.. welcome here.. you're in a good place for support and advice :)

I bite my lip a lot as well; When I nervous, anxious, stressed, thinking.. it's a terrible habit for I usually bite my lips until my they bleed.

I think it would be a great idea to find some ways to reduce your stress; it just sounds like you have so much of it right now in your life. It's no wonder the running only helps temporarily. Hopefully you can lessen that stress and start to feel better. Maybe take up boxing or listening to some music or find a creative outlet or someone to talk to.. You're not alone. :)

[kateb]

Thanks both of you :) I do play piano daily, and I think I'm going to start drawing again too. I was lucky enough to have a great religious studies teacher when I was 15 that taught the whole class some meditation exercises - a couple of them have really stuck with me (one for just calming down, and one for helping to sleep) and I automatically do the first one (which is visualising the numbers 1-10 and then back down to 1 again) when I get palpitations or muscle tension, because sometimes it helps me to just calm my breathing and my heart rate. I think that all these things have helped me to keep my anxiety under control for a long time, so I'm hopeful that this is just one of those times where the tension of the situation has spiked the anxiety again, but once I'm out of the situation I'll be able to handle it, like you say jessed.

I think that, as my own 'coping mechanisms' are still not totally solving my problems, some therapy/counselling is definitely the right move because there is a lot of stuff from my childhood which I think has left me constantly judging myself and evaluating myself through what other people think of me. I'm hyper aware of being watched - anything to do with job loss, work, friendships, my main worries are always to do with how it looks to other people - I figured that out from the little bit of counselling I have already had - but there is a lot more to it I think. So I will definitely call that counselling service today! Thanks for the encouragement x

[John_Mark]

Hello and welcome to our community!

There are plenty of supportive and cool people around, so you'll be in good hands.

[anxietycat]

I'm a chronic lip biter/hair picker/face picker too. It goes hand in hand with anxiety :notice:

[shonaat]

Nice username:D anxiety cat;) x