amielou
01-22-2014, 04:34 AM
Last week I joined this website and wrote quite a detailed introduction about myself and the main problems i've had whilst suffering with anxiety and depression, I had some really kind responses and wanted to thank everyone for being so kind. It's nice to have a place like this to come and talk where no one knows you, yet will give you advice or just some kind words to put you in a better frame of mind. Since posting I have taken the advice given, and have on the whole been feeling better, I was invited to a friends house for lunch which made me feel liked and also confided in my boyfriend about how i'm feeling, he has been extremely supportive and kind; sometimes I think when you're in one of those anxious moods, just having someone be kind to you and offer to make you tea really does help.
I had a minor set back last night though, it's one of those things that I know deep down doesn't mean anything and is just a part of normal life but to someone who struggles with anxiety and paranoia as much as I do it really has affected my mood and I just wanted to get it all down to get it out of my head. If you have read my other post you will know that my main issue with paranoia and anxiety is with two friends A & B I call them, well friend A invited me round for lunch last week and also invited me out for a drink over the weekend, it was really nice, things have felt really comfortable with her and feeling valued by her as a friend and the thought that she wanted to see me was making me feel really happy. Yesterday I popped round to friend B's house as she wasn't feeling great and I wanted to cheer her up and I asked her what she was up to for the rest of the week, she said her plans for Wed & Thurs and then asked me the same, a bit later on in the evening I asked if she was doing anything on Friday night as I was going to make a suggestion and she said her and friend A were going for a drink, and did I want to come. Well I could just feel myself welling up, that shot of heat went all through my body and I immediately felt sick, it was the idea that they had made plans separately from me and even though she asked me if I wanted to come, the paranoia in me, felt like she was only asking because I had asked her what she was doing, that if I hadn't of asked her Friday plans they wouldn't have invited me - my biggest fear. It was the idea that she hadn't mentioned it when I asked her plans for the week, like she only mentioned it when I asked her plans for Friday. I'm so embarrassed to admit that I text friend A and asked what she was doing on Friday, she hadn't mentioned it to me yet either so I was convinced she was going to lie to me and say 'no plans', but instead to replied saying that she was meeting friend B and I was more than welcome to join. I spoke to my boyfriend as soon as I got home and he said (in a very caring and sensitive way) that I was being a little bit silly and that if they didn't want me there then they wouldn't have asked, that it was probably just an off the cuff comment as part of conversation, 'do you fancy going for a drink this week', 'yeah Friday is good for me' and nothing more, and that they probably would have invited me later on when plans were finalised. Rather than my instant feeling that one of them text the other to ask if they wanted to go out with the intention of leaving me out.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a boring and slightly pathetic post, i'm not really looking for anyone to tell me what I should do about this because the logical part of my brain has told me that I am reading far too much into something that isn't a big deal at all. I know that friends go for drinks with other friends all the time and I should trust my best friends enough to know that there is nothing malicious in their actions, but I would like to hear from anyone who has similar paranoia with things like that, or especially if anyone used to have these sorts of problems and has overcome them.
I had a minor set back last night though, it's one of those things that I know deep down doesn't mean anything and is just a part of normal life but to someone who struggles with anxiety and paranoia as much as I do it really has affected my mood and I just wanted to get it all down to get it out of my head. If you have read my other post you will know that my main issue with paranoia and anxiety is with two friends A & B I call them, well friend A invited me round for lunch last week and also invited me out for a drink over the weekend, it was really nice, things have felt really comfortable with her and feeling valued by her as a friend and the thought that she wanted to see me was making me feel really happy. Yesterday I popped round to friend B's house as she wasn't feeling great and I wanted to cheer her up and I asked her what she was up to for the rest of the week, she said her plans for Wed & Thurs and then asked me the same, a bit later on in the evening I asked if she was doing anything on Friday night as I was going to make a suggestion and she said her and friend A were going for a drink, and did I want to come. Well I could just feel myself welling up, that shot of heat went all through my body and I immediately felt sick, it was the idea that they had made plans separately from me and even though she asked me if I wanted to come, the paranoia in me, felt like she was only asking because I had asked her what she was doing, that if I hadn't of asked her Friday plans they wouldn't have invited me - my biggest fear. It was the idea that she hadn't mentioned it when I asked her plans for the week, like she only mentioned it when I asked her plans for Friday. I'm so embarrassed to admit that I text friend A and asked what she was doing on Friday, she hadn't mentioned it to me yet either so I was convinced she was going to lie to me and say 'no plans', but instead to replied saying that she was meeting friend B and I was more than welcome to join. I spoke to my boyfriend as soon as I got home and he said (in a very caring and sensitive way) that I was being a little bit silly and that if they didn't want me there then they wouldn't have asked, that it was probably just an off the cuff comment as part of conversation, 'do you fancy going for a drink this week', 'yeah Friday is good for me' and nothing more, and that they probably would have invited me later on when plans were finalised. Rather than my instant feeling that one of them text the other to ask if they wanted to go out with the intention of leaving me out.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a boring and slightly pathetic post, i'm not really looking for anyone to tell me what I should do about this because the logical part of my brain has told me that I am reading far too much into something that isn't a big deal at all. I know that friends go for drinks with other friends all the time and I should trust my best friends enough to know that there is nothing malicious in their actions, but I would like to hear from anyone who has similar paranoia with things like that, or especially if anyone used to have these sorts of problems and has overcome them.