rps
01-19-2014, 01:59 AM
Hi everyone,
I worked really hard today on my work, and while I took a break after two hours, other things in my environment triggered some sad sad thoughts. These sad thoughts are intrusive like "I will never get through this" "I can't stand another moment of living this moment, of feeling this terrible". I don't get full blown panic attacks very often, but instead, sometimes I have disordered thinking, bad memory which leads to a feeling of disorientation and I'm constantly telling myself, reassuring myself "it's OK". Maybe the key is to relax and just say "so what, I can't remember what exact day it is", but the OCD doesn't let me do that (I have to check that I do indeed know the day). it's exhausting and hard to recognize and fight this urge. I apologize that this post has not a very good point. I'm just lying here, struggling to stay grounded and let the feelings that 1) I might get disoriented at any moment 2) that things don't feel so real 3) that I'm a bit dysphoric, in fact very dysphoric and so sad. I'm trying hard to both keep it together, but also to stay limp and loose and not fight but instead tll myself this is mostly noise as opposed to signal. just writing this is so hard befcause getting my thoughts organized when they're so preoccupied with the horrible feelings is sooooo difficult. Sorry for the disorder in this post. Just feeling miserable and just seek comfort that some of you will understand.
I'll post back how I'm feeling in a bit!!
-rps
I worked really hard today on my work, and while I took a break after two hours, other things in my environment triggered some sad sad thoughts. These sad thoughts are intrusive like "I will never get through this" "I can't stand another moment of living this moment, of feeling this terrible". I don't get full blown panic attacks very often, but instead, sometimes I have disordered thinking, bad memory which leads to a feeling of disorientation and I'm constantly telling myself, reassuring myself "it's OK". Maybe the key is to relax and just say "so what, I can't remember what exact day it is", but the OCD doesn't let me do that (I have to check that I do indeed know the day). it's exhausting and hard to recognize and fight this urge. I apologize that this post has not a very good point. I'm just lying here, struggling to stay grounded and let the feelings that 1) I might get disoriented at any moment 2) that things don't feel so real 3) that I'm a bit dysphoric, in fact very dysphoric and so sad. I'm trying hard to both keep it together, but also to stay limp and loose and not fight but instead tll myself this is mostly noise as opposed to signal. just writing this is so hard befcause getting my thoughts organized when they're so preoccupied with the horrible feelings is sooooo difficult. Sorry for the disorder in this post. Just feeling miserable and just seek comfort that some of you will understand.
I'll post back how I'm feeling in a bit!!
-rps