Dynhamik
01-15-2014, 01:06 PM
I apologize for the long post, but please read.
Hello,
My name is Matt. I'm a full time student, a musician and an easy going person.
I'll just cut to the chase.
For the past nine years I have been suffering from what I believe is panic disorder. I've kept it a secret from everyone but my close friends, and family. I started seeing a counselor a year ago, and she was nice, but I wasn't making any progress, so I'm making calls to get with a psychologist that deals with abnormal psych. I'm on this forum because I'm hoping to find someone who can relate to my condition. So here's how it works:
I'm totally fine for up to 3 months at a time. I do tend to over-stress about things, but I have a release such as exercise, and a supportive girlfriend finishing her masters in psych.(How convenient huh?lol). Now if I get less than 5 or 6 hours of sleep for 2-4 nights in a row, I end up having an attack. I feel it building up for a few seconds and then it's like an explosion of fear, embarrassment, disassociation from the world, confusion, dizziness, and muscle weakness. I feel like I'm going completely insane and dying. The attack only lasts about 15 seconds but after, I feel completely drained and can fall asleep for a couple hours. After the 1st attack, the fear of another one brings on more. I have up to 7 or 8 a day, and they always seem to be at least 40 minutes apart. These attacks work in cycles that usually last 4 to 5 days.(I call it my mental period. :P) On the last couple days of the cycle, I am able to avoid many attacks with slowing my breathing and convincing myself that there is no fear, but I still may have 1 or 2.
Now here are the parts that really scare me:
I'm wondering if I've developed an OCD when the attack hits me. I need to escape to preferably a bathroom, where I proceed to splash water in my face, drink water, and spit water back into the sink. I also grab my necklace(the cross) hold it in my hand and start praying for help. I thought maybe it was just a coping mechanism, but one time the other day I tucked my necklace in and told myself not to grab my chain when the next one hits. The next thing I know, I'm looking down and my necklace is outside my shirt. I'm having attacks, and many times I don't remember them happening, especially if I fall asleep right after. It really effects my short term memory. This terrifies me, because I've read that these symptoms can be tied to partial seizures.
Now after 3-6 days I'm totally fine for the next 2-4 months, not avoiding my usual activities or anything, then it hits me like a bus again after a couple nights of bad sleep. And then I'm terrified of leaving the house because of the embarrassment that comes with having an attack in front of people. I also have them in my first stage of sleep. Those ones, I typically forget about though because I fall asleep right after.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm here hoping to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through and maybe even someone who has these attacks in cycles just like I do.
I should also add that I had a brain aneurism at age 12, that was clipped and taken care of. The attacks didn't start until I was 16. Not sure if there's any correlation.
Thank you for reading.
Hello,
My name is Matt. I'm a full time student, a musician and an easy going person.
I'll just cut to the chase.
For the past nine years I have been suffering from what I believe is panic disorder. I've kept it a secret from everyone but my close friends, and family. I started seeing a counselor a year ago, and she was nice, but I wasn't making any progress, so I'm making calls to get with a psychologist that deals with abnormal psych. I'm on this forum because I'm hoping to find someone who can relate to my condition. So here's how it works:
I'm totally fine for up to 3 months at a time. I do tend to over-stress about things, but I have a release such as exercise, and a supportive girlfriend finishing her masters in psych.(How convenient huh?lol). Now if I get less than 5 or 6 hours of sleep for 2-4 nights in a row, I end up having an attack. I feel it building up for a few seconds and then it's like an explosion of fear, embarrassment, disassociation from the world, confusion, dizziness, and muscle weakness. I feel like I'm going completely insane and dying. The attack only lasts about 15 seconds but after, I feel completely drained and can fall asleep for a couple hours. After the 1st attack, the fear of another one brings on more. I have up to 7 or 8 a day, and they always seem to be at least 40 minutes apart. These attacks work in cycles that usually last 4 to 5 days.(I call it my mental period. :P) On the last couple days of the cycle, I am able to avoid many attacks with slowing my breathing and convincing myself that there is no fear, but I still may have 1 or 2.
Now here are the parts that really scare me:
I'm wondering if I've developed an OCD when the attack hits me. I need to escape to preferably a bathroom, where I proceed to splash water in my face, drink water, and spit water back into the sink. I also grab my necklace(the cross) hold it in my hand and start praying for help. I thought maybe it was just a coping mechanism, but one time the other day I tucked my necklace in and told myself not to grab my chain when the next one hits. The next thing I know, I'm looking down and my necklace is outside my shirt. I'm having attacks, and many times I don't remember them happening, especially if I fall asleep right after. It really effects my short term memory. This terrifies me, because I've read that these symptoms can be tied to partial seizures.
Now after 3-6 days I'm totally fine for the next 2-4 months, not avoiding my usual activities or anything, then it hits me like a bus again after a couple nights of bad sleep. And then I'm terrified of leaving the house because of the embarrassment that comes with having an attack in front of people. I also have them in my first stage of sleep. Those ones, I typically forget about though because I fall asleep right after.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm here hoping to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through and maybe even someone who has these attacks in cycles just like I do.
I should also add that I had a brain aneurism at age 12, that was clipped and taken care of. The attacks didn't start until I was 16. Not sure if there's any correlation.
Thank you for reading.