"Not Mine"

[Olive Yew]

So a new feeling has taken up residents in my brain recently. Whenever I think of the future or try to plan stuff for the future... it's like my brain gets this feeling of like "This isn't yours. This won't happen. It's cute that you're thinking about this but you won't make it that long." I don't have the panic attacks anymore.... but I get these feelings that make me super uneasy....

Also if I'm seeing something beautiful or trying to enjoy a wonderful moment or something... I get these... okay we'll call them emotional voices that go "It's a pity that all this isn't real" or even "This isn't going to last, soon it'll all be gone" and it makes it REALLY hard to enjoy things.... and it makes me depressed a lot. When I brought it up to my man the other day, he said that he's been like this for years.... ever since his train wreck. (He suffers from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and Brain trauma). I was wondering if anyone knew how to combat this. I feel like this is more like the depression side of things than the anxiety side of it.... I don't know what to do... and recently I've had some whoppers of nightmares... extremely vivid, terrifying dreams that don't always make any sense. It's utterly exhausting and it sometimes takes an hour for the effects of the nightmares to wear off because they seem THAT real.

Any Ideas folks?

[KitahD]

I think I understand....I wonder about depression as well. I start thinking in a 'what's the point?' approach...

[Olive Yew]

I dont know mine's more like just general pessimism and I HATE that. I used to be the most positive, unshakable person.. I could bounce thoughts and emotions like nobody's business. And now it's like my body's stuck in this "prepare for the worst" mode instead of "expect the best"... As my mom would say "well just start expecting the best again" but It's not so easy... I congratulate myself if I can manage to pull myself out of true depression mode every morning.