trainerash
01-14-2014, 04:23 PM
Hey all,
So I have a problem I've been struggling for a while (a while = last 3-4 years) and I'd love to know about others feeling the same.
I have a high profile job at a big company - making a lot of decisions, in and out of meetings, travelling all over the place (mostly between Europe, USA and Asia), etc. It's a very nice job - complicated at times, but a very nice job.
My problem is that I have a constant feeling of being a failure - for example, I will sit in a meeting and if someone starts saying something that is smart and well placed, my head is completely overwhelmed with thoughts of "Why didn't you think of that?" "Oh my God, they are going to realize I am a complete failure and I really don't know what I'm doing" and "I'm going to be fired - what am I going to do!?!!?". But the stupid thing is that I have been officially evaluated three times already (3 years) with top scores in the company, considered one of their prized assets (I'm paraphrasing the HR person). But still - my head won't stop telling me that I need to do more and better.
This leads to a constant anxiety - if I go for 10 minutes without receiving an email, I think that I'm being put out of the loop and that's because I'm not important. If I leave the office feeling that I had a little free time with what I was doing during the day, I feel I don't have enough work and I'm not essential. People around me don't notice because I'm good at not giving an image of being that insecure (otherwise, I'd be in trouble) but my anxiety management is becoming harder and harder. I always feel I need to be looking for a job "just in case". And everytime someone comes along that knows more than me (which I love), that causes me to go home and deep dive into research and articles for hours, just trying to solve the feeling of "oh my God, I'm an ignorant".
I'm sorry for the long text - do you have a similar feeling? How do you cope with it? I've heard it's called the "Impostor Syndrome". I'd love to hear your opinions.
Thanks!
So I have a problem I've been struggling for a while (a while = last 3-4 years) and I'd love to know about others feeling the same.
I have a high profile job at a big company - making a lot of decisions, in and out of meetings, travelling all over the place (mostly between Europe, USA and Asia), etc. It's a very nice job - complicated at times, but a very nice job.
My problem is that I have a constant feeling of being a failure - for example, I will sit in a meeting and if someone starts saying something that is smart and well placed, my head is completely overwhelmed with thoughts of "Why didn't you think of that?" "Oh my God, they are going to realize I am a complete failure and I really don't know what I'm doing" and "I'm going to be fired - what am I going to do!?!!?". But the stupid thing is that I have been officially evaluated three times already (3 years) with top scores in the company, considered one of their prized assets (I'm paraphrasing the HR person). But still - my head won't stop telling me that I need to do more and better.
This leads to a constant anxiety - if I go for 10 minutes without receiving an email, I think that I'm being put out of the loop and that's because I'm not important. If I leave the office feeling that I had a little free time with what I was doing during the day, I feel I don't have enough work and I'm not essential. People around me don't notice because I'm good at not giving an image of being that insecure (otherwise, I'd be in trouble) but my anxiety management is becoming harder and harder. I always feel I need to be looking for a job "just in case". And everytime someone comes along that knows more than me (which I love), that causes me to go home and deep dive into research and articles for hours, just trying to solve the feeling of "oh my God, I'm an ignorant".
I'm sorry for the long text - do you have a similar feeling? How do you cope with it? I've heard it's called the "Impostor Syndrome". I'd love to hear your opinions.
Thanks!