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View Full Version : I'm new, just wanted to say hello! Any tips?



webz3
01-14-2014, 07:32 AM
Hi,

This is all new to me....
I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety/phobia, i just know it's what i suffer from.
I have had depression in the past. The first time i was probably 13 (again it wasn't officially diagnosed, but i was seeing a councilor for other reasons) and the most severe case i had was after my second child was born. Thankfully i was able to over come it, with much help and support.
I have always been pretty shy and never really had much confidence. Since i had postnatal depression i have suffered with social anxiety. I hate walking into town on my own, i avoid going up the shop (even for a pint of milk). I constantly worry about what other people may think of me, what they might say about me. Some times it takes me half an hour to get dressed in the morning because i can't find anything to wear, even if i only wore it the week before. Suddenly it doesn't feel right, or i think people will judge me for it. I find it extremely difficult to speak to people i don't know. I hate being stood on the playground at the end of the day waiting for my children, i always think i just don't fit in, that i'm not good enough. I tend to stutter or forget what i'm going to say when i talk to people i don't know (on the very rare occasion that is).
I'm happily married and have 3 wonderful children. If i'm with them or my 2 close friends, being out in public doesn't bother me so much but i have noticed myself asking my friends if i have something on my face because i think i'm being stared at.... they think i'm being silly :)

I know where it all stems from... my parents got divorced when i was 13 and my dad basically rejected me... i'm not going into all the details.... but i fear rejection above all else. That is my biggest fear... hence the problem with having social interactions....

I have recently got a new job. I was fortunate enough to not work while i raised my children, but money wasn't stretching as far as it used to so i made myself do it.
I'm now a waitress in a restaurant... now for someone with social anxiety i couldn't think of any thing worse to begin with, but i have over the weeks began to really enjoy it. Makes me wonder why i didn't do it sooner. I still get a little apprehensive before i leave for work, but when i'm there i just get on with it.
I did end up in tearS mid shift the other week though, the boss was extremely stressed and shouted at me. I hadn't done anything wrong, but i just felt awful after.

i still have problems going in to town by myself, or for a walk. I constantly look around me and check what other people are doing. Most of the time it's to check if i'm being watched/looked at. I really don't want to go down any medication route, i managed to over come my depression without it and would really like to avoid it at all costs.

I'm hoping with a bit of support and maybe some friendly people to talk to it will help. But it's been like this for such a long time... Thanks for taking the time to read :)

Enduronman
01-14-2014, 10:44 AM
Welcome!

My screen didn't alert me that there was anything new in this section so I just found this.
Fear of being judged, fear of reprisals,..I had those fears too about 5 years ago..General anxiety/Performance anxiety/Social anxiety.
I was always worried what people thought of me, but I could do as you do now...perform in public.
It's hard to understand, hard to explain this thought process, what I was thinking, or why I would be so concerned with what others thought of me anyway?
What would that even matter?....
Well,....the answer came to me.
I WAS JUDGING OTHERS SO I HAD THE FEAR THAT THEY TOO WERE JUDGING ME.
Once I realized that, I re-trained my thought processes while out and about....I am NOT going to Judge others, and guess what?
It stopped...I then didn't care what anyone else thought, because I did NOT care nor think to direct a thought, or Judgement, at them.....

If you want to do this without medications, that is your decision friend.
And, this one CAN be done without them too...if you change that thought process....focus on, not Judging others, because you do.

Hope this helps you!!

If you overcame depression without meds, then this one is very possible for you to acheive...

E-Man...:)