Is it possible to just be "born this way"

[jhunter89]

I have always been awkward and shy, even as a small child I didn't mix with other children well and my mum tells me people thought I was rude because I was too scared to even say "thankyou" even now I feel awkward and undeserving when somebody does something nice for me. I was an only child (virtually) because my brother is 16 years older than me, but I did have a friend who really was an only child, who was incredibly outgoing and confident (despite being very tall and ginger, which I imagine are things people would get bullied for) i was bullied a bit in school and always been regarded as "weird" cos I didn't speak much but not all that bad. I had a good upbringing, stable home, always fed, clothed and generally given what I wanted. Ive always managed to make one or two friends at a time throughout my life, but have never ever truly felt confident. I'm almost 25 and it's only getting worse. I don't understand why I am this way??

[NeverToo...Fear]

I can somewhat relate to this.. I've always been shy too. As a kid I was terrified of talking to strangers. I was even awkward or weird around my cousins.. Growing up, everyone always pointed out how shy I was and they would think something was wrong with me, or even worse, blame my parents on how they raised me because I wasn't acting normal. I had a great upbringing as well, even growing up with two brothers whom I consider to be my best friends.

It might just be how we are born. Our brains are wired a certain way right out of the gate, but that doesn't mean we are stuck this way. I think we can change that situation with some practice, because these feelings might just come from how we are subconsciously carrying ourselves.. We already know we are awkward, but because of knowing that, we are perceiving others to look at us that way when that's not the case--so our feedback system might be a little screwy, thus really messing up our confidence and our ability to not thrive in social situations.

Whenever I take a cue from my other outgoing peers and try to be like that, I feel more confident, despite that lingering feeling in the background that I'm out of my comfort zone.. with practice it might get easier, so maybe try and be more like your ginger friend and possibly you'll do better.. :)

[jhunter89]

I can somewhat relate to this.. I've always been shy too. As a kid I was terrified of talking to strangers. I was even awkward or weird around my cousins.. Growing up, everyone always pointed out how shy I was and they would think something was wrong with me, or even worse, blame my parents on how they raised me because I wasn't acting normal. I had a great upbringing as well, even growing up with two brothers whom I consider to be my best friends. It might just be how we are born. Our brains are wired a certain way right out of the gate, but that doesn't mean we are stuck this way. I think we can change that situation with some practice, because these feelings might just come from how we are subconsciously carrying ourselves.. We already know we are awkward, but because of knowing that, we are perceiving others to look at us that way when that's not the case--so our feedback system might be a little screwy, thus really messing up our confidence and our ability to not thrive in social situations. Whenever I take a cue from my other outgoing peers and try to be like that, I feel more confident, despite that lingering feeling in the background that I'm out of my comfort zone.. with practice it might get easier, so maybe try and be more like your ginger friend and possibly you'll do better.. :) Thank you for taking the time to reply, I am not friends with the ginger girl anymore, I have lost a lot of friends over the years. I have a boyfriend and one other friend but they both have so many of their problems and I find my friend's confidence rather intimidating and looking stupid infront of people I care about is one of my biggest fears and I'm faced with it everyday. I'm sure it is possible to overcome but I have been this way for 25 years and undoing all these thought processes and behaviour just seems so daunting and impossible.

[NeverToo...Fear]

True, it wouldn't be easy if we could undo a way of thinking or habit overnight, lol.. So a slow approach and practice might work. Practice when no one's watching or when you are alone. Like, imagine how a conversation would go and act they way it should go. Something like that. And in the end, you probably won't look stupid like you fear. Friends overlook things and not even pay attention to what you might think would be a big deal.

Things that are difficult and what we struggle with need practice. Easier said than done, as it is something I struggle with as well, but how else do we become better at things? :)

[Enduronman]

Yes. BAHAAHAAA! :rolleyes:

[jhunter89]

Yes. BAHAAHAAA! :rolleyes:

Well... Scaareeww you DNA!

[Enduronman]

Well... Scaareeww you DNA!

I was born a hodge podge trainwreck...but, I have to make the best with what I was given.

God didn't give me good looks, charm, athletic ability, or even a fully functioning brain....

but I just have to say to myself "you can do it"......:)

[jhunter89]

I was born a hodge podge trainwreck...but, I have to make the best with what I was given. God didn't give me good looks, charm, athletic ability, or even a fully functioning brain.... but I just have to say to myself "you can do it"......:)

"You can do it Jamie!!!"

Nope.. Didn't work

[jhunter89]

Ooooopsie!!!

[Enduronman]

A for effort!!! :)