majored
01-12-2014, 08:22 AM
Well its me again, sorry to go on. I have hospital in the morning my feelings are up and down. As much as i try to not think about it it pops back into my head.
My anxiety is a bit strange as i want to know whats wrong with me but to scared to have tests carried out. Im scared if i have something wrong it will mean another test then another. I dont like needles or any procedure being done to me. Ive had two years of issue after issue and some of my problems could be put down to stress related problems like IBS and migraine. However there are some that are not and im now being referred to the hospital and my appointment is tomorrow morning .
My other issue is that the doctor they have sent me to is doctor i have had in the past. I saw her 2 times in 2011 and both times she has scared me sh*tless. The second time more so as she told me she was going to do one thing and did something else. I was in shock, pain and couldnt believe what she had done to me. Even the nurse standing next to her and witnessed what had happened was very surprised in what she had just saw. She turned round to me and said i had to do it or you would have been ill. Well thats ok but at least tell me what your going to do! I think this could be what started some of the health anxiety off as im very scared of a clinical environment ...... you could say white coat syndrome.
I have to keep saying to myself i dont have to go, I dont have to let her do anything, i dont have to agree to see her again.
I can see her face now and her rolling up her sleeves getting ready for me. I know im making a joke of it but im being serious. I often have panic attacks when im at the hospital and that also worries me.
This problem that im seeing her about could solve alot of my issues, even though ive got a few more going on at the moment. Once ive been to see her i even know what she will say to me. That she wants me to either have a operation, scan or medication. I will struggle to do any of them.
I wish i could be strong but i cant stop counting down the hours and minutes.
Is there anybody out there like me or am i just really weird and uncontrollable?
My anxiety is a bit strange as i want to know whats wrong with me but to scared to have tests carried out. Im scared if i have something wrong it will mean another test then another. I dont like needles or any procedure being done to me. Ive had two years of issue after issue and some of my problems could be put down to stress related problems like IBS and migraine. However there are some that are not and im now being referred to the hospital and my appointment is tomorrow morning .
My other issue is that the doctor they have sent me to is doctor i have had in the past. I saw her 2 times in 2011 and both times she has scared me sh*tless. The second time more so as she told me she was going to do one thing and did something else. I was in shock, pain and couldnt believe what she had done to me. Even the nurse standing next to her and witnessed what had happened was very surprised in what she had just saw. She turned round to me and said i had to do it or you would have been ill. Well thats ok but at least tell me what your going to do! I think this could be what started some of the health anxiety off as im very scared of a clinical environment ...... you could say white coat syndrome.
I have to keep saying to myself i dont have to go, I dont have to let her do anything, i dont have to agree to see her again.
I can see her face now and her rolling up her sleeves getting ready for me. I know im making a joke of it but im being serious. I often have panic attacks when im at the hospital and that also worries me.
This problem that im seeing her about could solve alot of my issues, even though ive got a few more going on at the moment. Once ive been to see her i even know what she will say to me. That she wants me to either have a operation, scan or medication. I will struggle to do any of them.
I wish i could be strong but i cant stop counting down the hours and minutes.
Is there anybody out there like me or am i just really weird and uncontrollable?