masonmoore0824
01-12-2014, 04:09 AM
I have never participated in a forum like this, but I'm really worried about myself so I thought I would give this a try.
I'm 36 years old and have had anxiety and depression my whole life. It gets better or worse depending on life situations and/or medication. The anxiety has become so severe at times that even now, just looking at the number of threads in this forum is overwhelming to me. The anxiety and panic have been getting worse over the past few years, especially dealing with work. I'm a nurse and gradually over the past year it has gotten very severe. It got so bad that I would be worked up into a panic at the beginning of the day. Fast forward a few months and I got hurt at work. This threw me into a major depressive episode with continued general anxiety but less panic. I ended up losing my job which certainly didn't help with the depression. Throughout this time I was trying different medications for both depression and anxiety. I applied for many jobs and finally thought I had one when at the last minute they rescinded their offer. This caused a major setback. I was not sure what to do so I thought I would start school, which I had applied for as a "just in case nothing else comes up" scenerio. I've started reading for my classes and get overwhelmed immediately, so much that I have started having the panic attacks again, very similar to when I was working. I have increased my ativan for this, which does help but I just feel depressed overall thinking about having to deal with panic attacks throughout the whole time I'm in school. This school is to continue my education in nursing, which I'm not even sure is what I want, but again, I'm not sure what to do since I'm unemployed and been unable to find another job.
I guess I'm trying to figure out if school is really what's best for me since it's causing so much panic or if it was too soon after having a major depressive episode and I'm setting myself up for a relapse. This depression was so bad I almost ended up in an inpatient psyc unit. I really wanted the job I applied for and was so disappointed when they changed their minds about hiring me. I was 2 days away from starting when they called and said they were reconsidering!
I really just want to be able to live life and feel pretty good most days. I'm not even asking to feel fantastic, just basically ok without any big panic episodes. Is that too much to ask? I'm starting to think I will never feel like this, even as I am trying different medications and using all the coping skills I have learned through many years of counseling.
I'm sorry it's such a long post, but I hope someone who has experience with anxiety, panic and/or depression can give me some words of wisdom. Often times, people who don't have any of these just say things like, "We all have bad days, you just have to suck it up and move on," which isn't helpful in the least.
Thanks for any help anyone has to offer.
I'm 36 years old and have had anxiety and depression my whole life. It gets better or worse depending on life situations and/or medication. The anxiety has become so severe at times that even now, just looking at the number of threads in this forum is overwhelming to me. The anxiety and panic have been getting worse over the past few years, especially dealing with work. I'm a nurse and gradually over the past year it has gotten very severe. It got so bad that I would be worked up into a panic at the beginning of the day. Fast forward a few months and I got hurt at work. This threw me into a major depressive episode with continued general anxiety but less panic. I ended up losing my job which certainly didn't help with the depression. Throughout this time I was trying different medications for both depression and anxiety. I applied for many jobs and finally thought I had one when at the last minute they rescinded their offer. This caused a major setback. I was not sure what to do so I thought I would start school, which I had applied for as a "just in case nothing else comes up" scenerio. I've started reading for my classes and get overwhelmed immediately, so much that I have started having the panic attacks again, very similar to when I was working. I have increased my ativan for this, which does help but I just feel depressed overall thinking about having to deal with panic attacks throughout the whole time I'm in school. This school is to continue my education in nursing, which I'm not even sure is what I want, but again, I'm not sure what to do since I'm unemployed and been unable to find another job.
I guess I'm trying to figure out if school is really what's best for me since it's causing so much panic or if it was too soon after having a major depressive episode and I'm setting myself up for a relapse. This depression was so bad I almost ended up in an inpatient psyc unit. I really wanted the job I applied for and was so disappointed when they changed their minds about hiring me. I was 2 days away from starting when they called and said they were reconsidering!
I really just want to be able to live life and feel pretty good most days. I'm not even asking to feel fantastic, just basically ok without any big panic episodes. Is that too much to ask? I'm starting to think I will never feel like this, even as I am trying different medications and using all the coping skills I have learned through many years of counseling.
I'm sorry it's such a long post, but I hope someone who has experience with anxiety, panic and/or depression can give me some words of wisdom. Often times, people who don't have any of these just say things like, "We all have bad days, you just have to suck it up and move on," which isn't helpful in the least.
Thanks for any help anyone has to offer.