bluey
02-13-2008, 09:43 AM
Hi guys :)
Im 25 and have a bit of a story to where i am now..
For 10 years i have lived with Social Phobia and Body Dismorphic Disorder.
Living with my parents in those years and being basically a hermit. I missed out on alot of my life.
i dropped out of highschool towards the last year.. my grades were slipping really bad and i could not even make to get there - i was severely frozen with lots of inferiority among other issues.
i dropped all my friends and basically lived my life with my parents on an acerage with a life being around farm animals as my only real company.
i was terrified of others my age and al thier achievements. The town i lived in i always wanted my mum to be with me just to go into the local small mall.. i didnt want to be seen and was so anxious of others to see me that at one stage of about two years i was even agrophobic- constantly looking out the window if i heard a car - even tho we have a very long driveway and live secludedly.. i would bolt at any noise that resemble and head straight unde my bed- not even making a noise..
Over the years i managed to get into small courses and by my own over come alot.. i would walk everywhere as my own independence and got confidence in myself that way.
Anyway i was still so much limited, lonely and deppressed until the start of last year when i found a forum on my bdd issues. there i found others that i could relate to.
After a while i got contacted by a guy on there from the same country and we got to know each other very well.
He gave me a new lease on life and encouragement that i actually on my own terms booked my first plane ticket and flew interstate into a big city to meet the guy. I could not and still cannot believe what i had done!!!
But anyway it opened up so many doors for me. i returned home after out staying my welcome really.. but i found that i was able to catch trains on my own , be on my own in a very large commercial city and find my way around amongst millions of people and even be able to talk to strangers!
I found a new wealth of independence i never had - all from this one person who helped me and encouraged me.
When i went back home i was asked over a few months if i would like to live there with my new friend and his family and i jumped at the chance - altho i had a whole heap of sever attacks that resulted in almost ocd - long story there- anyway my friend came to visit me and drove all the way back together- it was wonderful feeling independent - despite m anxeity and feeling as tho i couldnt do things or wasnt ready to live there.. it took a while to get used to..
Anyway living so close to someone i fell head over heels and my heart got in the way of anxiety and sensitivty that i became a bit of a wreck - altho i had gone into finding my way mode.. but there wasa lot of miserable anxiety, mood swings and crying that my friend had to tolerate..
i was very reserved andnot very friendly - just constantly upset or frightened.
Did i mention that i have never worked before and it has been a fear for some time as ther isnt really much on my cv. and being into society all of a sudden i felt i was really a meantal illness lower down person- i did not like it, yet things were okay even tho i was a wreck. Tho i didnt find a job i did find an agency to help me and it looked promising.
Xmas and i flew home. i was upset and constant worry - i didnt want to go back to the place i had been a hermit for so many years.. it was really sacrey.
Yet i ended up back here and not coping - i wanted to hear from my friend asa security blanket sort of thing.. i would over contact as tho i were dying or something and when i did tn get an answer i became horible. I was in panic and saw him as acknowledgement that i wasnt the hermit still.
Anyway this gets to were i am now. Im back in the place with m folks and feeling uncomfortable but tolerating it. I have rewend my friendship with mistrust and hurt which is why there is a big break between us.
i thought i was going to go back to the place but its all not going to happen now as my friend is moving interstate elsewhere and his family - so i have no where to go but stay in my folks place - where i go down hill..
I am upst because i wanted to move interstate not only for other things but also to be around my friend..
now everything is all a big unknown fear- i am looking for a place and saving up and planning my life and trying to stay positive.. but its all so scarey and unknown to me..
i guess its how i make it. But im all alone it it and will be alone until i find new people over there.
i can do it and show my friend some happiness for me too.
Im 25 and have a bit of a story to where i am now..
For 10 years i have lived with Social Phobia and Body Dismorphic Disorder.
Living with my parents in those years and being basically a hermit. I missed out on alot of my life.
i dropped out of highschool towards the last year.. my grades were slipping really bad and i could not even make to get there - i was severely frozen with lots of inferiority among other issues.
i dropped all my friends and basically lived my life with my parents on an acerage with a life being around farm animals as my only real company.
i was terrified of others my age and al thier achievements. The town i lived in i always wanted my mum to be with me just to go into the local small mall.. i didnt want to be seen and was so anxious of others to see me that at one stage of about two years i was even agrophobic- constantly looking out the window if i heard a car - even tho we have a very long driveway and live secludedly.. i would bolt at any noise that resemble and head straight unde my bed- not even making a noise..
Over the years i managed to get into small courses and by my own over come alot.. i would walk everywhere as my own independence and got confidence in myself that way.
Anyway i was still so much limited, lonely and deppressed until the start of last year when i found a forum on my bdd issues. there i found others that i could relate to.
After a while i got contacted by a guy on there from the same country and we got to know each other very well.
He gave me a new lease on life and encouragement that i actually on my own terms booked my first plane ticket and flew interstate into a big city to meet the guy. I could not and still cannot believe what i had done!!!
But anyway it opened up so many doors for me. i returned home after out staying my welcome really.. but i found that i was able to catch trains on my own , be on my own in a very large commercial city and find my way around amongst millions of people and even be able to talk to strangers!
I found a new wealth of independence i never had - all from this one person who helped me and encouraged me.
When i went back home i was asked over a few months if i would like to live there with my new friend and his family and i jumped at the chance - altho i had a whole heap of sever attacks that resulted in almost ocd - long story there- anyway my friend came to visit me and drove all the way back together- it was wonderful feeling independent - despite m anxeity and feeling as tho i couldnt do things or wasnt ready to live there.. it took a while to get used to..
Anyway living so close to someone i fell head over heels and my heart got in the way of anxiety and sensitivty that i became a bit of a wreck - altho i had gone into finding my way mode.. but there wasa lot of miserable anxiety, mood swings and crying that my friend had to tolerate..
i was very reserved andnot very friendly - just constantly upset or frightened.
Did i mention that i have never worked before and it has been a fear for some time as ther isnt really much on my cv. and being into society all of a sudden i felt i was really a meantal illness lower down person- i did not like it, yet things were okay even tho i was a wreck. Tho i didnt find a job i did find an agency to help me and it looked promising.
Xmas and i flew home. i was upset and constant worry - i didnt want to go back to the place i had been a hermit for so many years.. it was really sacrey.
Yet i ended up back here and not coping - i wanted to hear from my friend asa security blanket sort of thing.. i would over contact as tho i were dying or something and when i did tn get an answer i became horible. I was in panic and saw him as acknowledgement that i wasnt the hermit still.
Anyway this gets to were i am now. Im back in the place with m folks and feeling uncomfortable but tolerating it. I have rewend my friendship with mistrust and hurt which is why there is a big break between us.
i thought i was going to go back to the place but its all not going to happen now as my friend is moving interstate elsewhere and his family - so i have no where to go but stay in my folks place - where i go down hill..
I am upst because i wanted to move interstate not only for other things but also to be around my friend..
now everything is all a big unknown fear- i am looking for a place and saving up and planning my life and trying to stay positive.. but its all so scarey and unknown to me..
i guess its how i make it. But im all alone it it and will be alone until i find new people over there.
i can do it and show my friend some happiness for me too.