Has this happened to anyone here in a relationship?

[babycristy]

Hi everyone! I was just wondering of this has happened to anyone here that is in a relationship or is married.

Me and my boyfriend of 1 and 1/2 years have always had a great relationship where we communicate and share everything. this is the best relationship I have been in because it is so honest and healthy. He was the first one (besides my parents) I trusted with my anxiety disorder.

I talked and explained everything about 2 weeks ago. However, these past days I have been getting these negative feelings about our relationship. For example, I am not excited to see him or go over his house. As much as I love him and want to be with him, I am feeling like he is more of a friend than a boyfriend/lover now that he knows a big "secret" of mines. Although he accepts me as I am, I feel that he deserves someone without this anxiety (someone more perfect).

Every aspect of our relationship is great but I don't understand why I am feeling this way. Am I losing feelings for him? Or was it a mistake that I confided my disorder with him? Or is it that my anxiety is turning to him as well?

Should I talk to him about the way I feel? I don't know what to say. Because I love him but I feel that I am losing something for him...But I don't want to lose him....AHHHH!

[shoe]

babycristy, sounds like some of the types of thoughts I've had in relationships.. even friendships.

I started to question whether I'm 'worthy' of their friendship/love, whether I'm 'good enough' for them, whether I should strive to be a better person for them etc. I also became more aware of my own anxieties and withdrew from them emotionally, as well as conversationally.

I've come to realize that becoming so self-critical and obsessed with trying to be better was coming from my own thoughts, not from other people's thoughts or criticisms.

If you are worried there's something wrong in the relationship, I don't see how it could hurt to ask if anythings up. If there is something wrong - do NOT put blame on yourself, thats very important.

Telling people about your anxiety is a BIG thing, and shows you are very brave. Also, from posts you've written here I know you're trying to fight this thing, which is also very brave.. but don't ever measure yourself through another person's eyes, or what you *think* that other person thinks of you.

In my opinion, *genuine* relationships between people are based on compatibilities in personalities.. if you 'click' with someone based on both of your personalities, then that's great - you've made a friend/lover. Anxiety though is NOT a part of your personality, it in no way defines who you are. Its just a disability.. and just like a man who is crippled from the waist down - one doesn't define that person by the wheelchair he sits in, right? =)

dan

[babycristy]

All very good advice but something you said stood out: "don't ever measure yourself through another person's eyes".

Its important to keep that in mind. A person knows themselves better than anyone else would know them. So, its important to embrace who you are and keep your confidence despite the falls.