New girl on the block

[Emma_A]

Hi,

I'm a 29 year old female in the UK and if I'm totally honest with myself I have had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember.

I was formally diagnosed with depression this time last year after I pretty much had a melt down out of (what I thought) was nowhere. I have been on fairly mild meds, and I felt pretty good to begin with.... Until around October.

Nothing changed in my life, everything has been just as it always has been, but I just had, what I call, 'the old feelings' coming back.

Now, to get to the point, this last week has been sheer hell. I feel like everyone is judging me, everyone thinks I'm common or not good enough to be with them. These feelings are mainly centred around work (I am a Project Oceanographic Engineer) . In short, there are times (about 3/4 times a day) when I hate myself inside and out. Before the meds started last year, this was how I had felt my entire life. Daily. My chest gets tight, I cannot break my thought cycle and I just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world.

My scientific, rational side KNOWS this is bull, but my brain just won't shut off and even though I try and talk through it with my boyfriend and closest friend, I can't articulate or convey the reality of every day feeling like I'm looking directly into darkness. Guess that's why I thought I'd give this a try.

[jessed03]

Hey Emma A!

Nice to meet you :)

Just a quick question, have you ruled out Vitamin B/D deficiency, and SAD?

I guess once you've done that, it fits the bill of a typical depression and should be treated as such, probably by a med increase.

Your job sounds really interesting actually.

Depression huh! The mind knows it's dumb, but can't logic it's way out of it.

[Cullingford]

Hi Emma lovely to meet you, sorry you having such a horrible time of it.

You are in good company here and there are lots of people here to give you lots of help and support!. Perhaps you need to get your meds looked at again maybe you need a higher dose.
Your job sounds cool is it very stressfull?. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Cully

[Emma_A]

Hi!
Thanks for the replies. I haven't even thought about Vitamin deficiency. Although, I do eat a balanced, healthy diet and I exercise 3 or 4 times a week (which I live for - just for the endorphins!) I have a check up the week after next, so I will check with the Doc.

My job is interesting, but can be very stressful, as I am the only person in my company (internationally) who knows how a certain piece off equipment (a rather complex wave buoy) works and how to configure them; although I do get out of the office every now and again. I'll be in Germany next week. Fingers crossed this bout of anxiety reduces over the weekend!

How long have you both been on this forum? I am assuming this interaction has helped... It is comforting to know that people here know the feelings I'm talking about without me trying to give a detailed description! I often get frustrated trying to rationalise and describe them if/when I'm asked to.

[Cullingford]

Is the wave buoy a generator?.

[Emma_A]

No. It receives measurements of the water column below it via sub sea acoustic modems etc... And processes them as well as taking measurements of wave pitch, roll, speed, direction and height as well as meteorological data from above it. It processes all of this and then stores & transmits it. .... In a nut shell!

[Cullingford]

Clever stuff! is the data used for tides sorry for all the questions about buoy just interested.

[NixonRulz]

No. It receives measurements of the water column below it via sub sea acoustic modems etc... And processes them as well as taking measurements of wave pitch, roll, speed, direction and height as well as meteorological data from above it. It processes all of this and then stores & transmits it. .... In a nut shell!

I was going to guess exactly how you explained it! LOL

[Emma_A]

Clever stuff! is the data used for tides sorry for all the questions about buoy just interested.

It's ok, I'm used to it! Sometimes it's for tidal data, but mostly it's for current speed & direction. Oil companies and wind farm companies are our main clients. These days they have to abide by strict rules before they can put an installation in and they often use our equipment through out their operations. Some of the data we get back is mad when there has been a storm or something! We once saw data for a 21m wave during a huge storm off Norway.

[Cullingford]

Thanks Emma my curiosity is satisfied I promise no more questions about the buoy. ;)