Help, do I have a problem?

[Whatdo]

Hi,
I have a few life problems that sometimes put me in a depressed state, but most of the time I feel I can handle it, even though I'm not happy. I don't think I am clinically depressed because I can feel the difference of "being in a good place" and when my neurotransmittors are out of whack and "in a bad place".

All my problems are fears, not sure if it counts more as anxiety.

Problem 1: I'm a musician, and have always been doing music. It's what I feel is my #1 reason to live. The thing is I've been learning to sing and I have an undiagnosed problem with my voice. I take lessons but still struggle because of an easily identifiable but obviously not easily diagnosed issue. I think (hope) it's allergies, but fear that there is some permanent damage because I overused my voice in the past (and saw a doctor). I've had my voice looked at twice since then and both times they've said I'm fine. But the thoughts of, what if they were wrong, what if they missed something hard to detect haunts my mind. Maybe I'm fine, maybe I'm not. I don't know and I'm currently investigating (and have been for many months)

Problem 2: Relationships. Have been a complete failure at it in my teens, but not so much anymore. I still have problems in this area but I'm making progress and moving forward, so even though it's not "fixed" completely it's at least moving in the right direction. However I still beat myself up for how I tackled (or more correctly, didn't tackle) this area before, and feel like I've wasted part of my life on this (even though I'm just 21). Still don't have a girlfriend, so this is definitely a contributing factor but not the nr 1 factor:

Problem 3: I have some health worries, I have fear of MS because of some symptoms I'm having. I've been to the doctor, and basically he said in my current state it didn't look like anything serious, but the symptoms were strange and I should come back if it gets much worse. So basically here as well I don't have any diagnosis of anything but these symptoms have me going what if, what if, what if - my life would be ruined.

Now depending on my mood, I am aware of this, my beliefs change. When I feel sad all logic goes out the window. With problem 1 I become sure my voice is ruined forever. With problem 2 I feel sure I am hopeless, worthless and will never solve my relationship issues. With problem 3 I am sure I have MS. Music means so much to me and the fear of my voice being not okay makes me want to die, so the thought that my voice isn't ok is the same to me as having a terminal illness - it would be the end of my life. I think of my suicide, my funeral and my mother crying (which makes me feel even worse). I'm not actually suicidal though, because my death is also a "what if" scenario, my voice could be fine so I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just mentioned it to explain my emotional turmoil

When I feel normal (not depressed state) I can handle it but I at least feel that my existance is pointless and that I am just wasting time. When I began writing this post I was in a depressed state, anxious and was crying. Then I talked on the phone to a friend for 20 minutes and now I feel "normal" just that I still question wheter life is worth living is depending on my problems (primarily problem 1). It's so exhausting to spend so much time in this limbo state (I've been like this for months now) of, is my voice ok, do I have ms, will I ever be happy? Will my life end? A few days of feeling ok, a few days of a lot of misery even though my mood can shift, it's not set in stone.

So at my worst I feel depressed, at my best I feel not depressed but just that my existance is pointless and that I'd rather be asleep. I really love sleeping now. when I feel normal I am more rational and can at least entertain the thought that there might be solutions to my problems, even though I don't fully believe it. When I am sad I believe all my problems are permanent (accept it, stop kidding yourself, I say to myself)

edit: I also am a law student in college, I'm doing fine here so education/job is not a specific issue for me but it does not give me any fulfillment. Only music does.

So with this said what is your opinion, do I have problems that need professional help? What do I do?

[gregsmithhhhhhh]

Anxiety and depression goes hand and hand, as many on this site will confirm. As far as health and the music go, if the doctor says you're fine, trust me you're fine. I'm 20 and also had similar problems but it's how you deal with it that will get you by. For example, my most recent bout with anxiety was regarding mercury poisoning from my fillings, advanced gum disease and oral cancer(october/november) and lyme disease(december/january) I saw a doctor and gained some confidence. Do NOT overthink it like i did and say "maybe the doctor was wrong"..they do this for a living, they've seen it all. My first fear of MS came in sixth grade when i found google. Very dangerous. My muscles still twitch and ache here and there but I shake it off because I know I'm fine and if it was degenerative I would have been in a wheelchair years ago. Take vitamin supplements, they have helped me a ton. I take optimum nutrition opti-men. It has minerals such as magnesium that are proven to help out. Start working out if you don't already, be constructive. I noticed on days when I don't work out I have pent up adrenaline and it often goes toward anxiety.

As far as relationships go, don't sweat it. You're still young. A bad relationship is what triggered my last anxiety problem, leading to all kinds of health fears. Once I came to terms with it my anxieties started to fade. It is common for people who are depressed or anxious to feel down about not having a significant other, but I have learned that staying in your own lane will bring good things relationship-wise. Good things really do come to those who wait.

Hope this helps. If all else fails, go to therapy. Talking about it helps a ton. Meds are only a band-aid, but it can definitely ease some of your mental symptoms.