Toiet Anxiety - ruining my life

[loopylou21]

So I have a bad anxiety of going for a number 2, I can only go in my own house when everyone is out, or if people are downstairs with the TV on, or when i'm about to have a shower so it masks any sounds/smells. I can never go at a friends house as I don't know the workings of the toilet well (like how good the flush is, what happens if it makes a mess etc.) and I am seriously paranoid even in my own home to go, in case people notice I've been in the bathroom too long. I also have IBS which doesn't help, so sometimes my stomach can play up and make going worse/or I have to use a lot of toilet roll.

It started when I first moved away from home to uni, I did a number 2 which didn't flush and got blocked, since then I have had this horrible anxiety everyday about planning when i'm going to go. It has stopped me from going on trips, holidays and honestly feel like it's taking over my life, which is really stupid as it's a normal function of the human body and everyone does it.

Anyway, it has got so bad that at uni I used to either wait until everyone was out to go to the toilet, or I would often go at campus in a disabled toilet so no one heard me, and if there was a problem, no one would know it was me. This sounds like the most pathetic and weirdest thing, and I am embarrassed that I've become like this.

I can cope with being at home, but my problem is I've just moved to a new job and am staying with a host family for 5 months. I've been here a week, and I love everything about it, but the fear of going to the toilet here is worrying me so much I feel sick all the time from thinking about it and just want to go home. To make matters worse they have see through type glass panels on the door of the bathroom, so people can see in. They also don't flush toilet paper down the bowl because of the poor pipes :S and the family are pretty much in all the time when I am there, so I can't go when they're out. I went for the first time today before a shower after holding it in (which I know is bad but I was so nervous) but because my stomach was so churned up with worry it made a really horrible mess and I had to flush again, which made it so obvious I had been. The only way I can see myself going is before a shower, but what if I need to go another time of the day.
I worry about the most silly things like if people can hear me, how long i'm in the toilet for, making a mess and having to use the brush, having to flush twice...

I honestly don't know how i'm going to get through this, it's all i'm thinking about and I don't want to let it stop this amazing opportunity. It's got so bad that I needed to tell someone and maybe speak to similar people with toilet anxieties. Also some tips on how to cover up from going for a number 2, or advice on how to calm myself and act normally.

Sorry that this post was a bit gross/graphic! :S

[vonnhelsing]

I can relate to this somewhat. I definitely feel anxious when having to go for number 2 at work and I always hold it in when im out or at a friends house. I feel like if im around people I need to make it fast otherwise people will look for me or someone might come knocking wanting to use the loo. The need to make it fast makes me nervous so It just doesnt happen.
Also I have constipation pretty much most of the time so I do need to sit on the toilet for a good half hour before anything moves so it causes a problem as I always hold it in. This gives me back pains and IBS regularly..
Pooping is important and everyone does it : ) turn on the taps if it helps you..

[Gemgem]

I'm so sorry to hear you're suffering like this.

I can't offer any advice on the anxiety side of it, but I found out about a product the other day that might interest you, you can get it on Amazon, it's called Poo Pourri. I saw an advert for it and thought it was a joke but I checked it out and it's real! It's a spray, quite expensive though, you spray into the toilet before going, it coats the toilet water in an oily film so once the poo goes into the toilet the smell is trapped under it! I don't know if it works but it might be worth you looking into it x

[vonnhelsing]

Poo pourri!!!! That is so genius! WHAT A NAME!

[Gemgem]

I know isn't it!! When I saw the advert I thought it had to be a joke!! But it's not lol

[Dahila]

there is a way, have on you a small bottle of eucalyptus essential oil , 4 drops of it into toilet bowl, and no one will notice anything :) 15 ml of that which probably contains a lot of drops. Oil is lighter than water. It costs like 5 dollars

[AmberGbenga]

I'm like this, I need to be at home but I don't have any toilet anxiety at home. I had it when I was at my partners (before we became a couple) I was there for like 12 days and I hadn't gone once.. Then one day I got really sick and I couldn't hold it in.. My worst fears happened. I was in there for ages, my partner knocked on the door and asked if I was ok, it smelt reallllly bad and it took a few flushes to go down and left a mess. Ofcource he knew I told him I was so embarrassed and he laughed and said next time don't hold it in, I'm aware girls shit. Hahaha so that kind of masked the awkwardness, but still when I see him i still wait until he is at work, but I still have troubles with my tummy aches and back aches.. So I just need to get over it.

[Dahila]

I think it is a situation many of us go through:)) Life with anxiety