trainerash
01-09-2014, 10:50 AM
Hi,
I've always been an anxious person - I remember being like this all my life. I'm currently 31 y.o. But the last 5 years have taken a bit of a toll on me. Between an abusive relationship, mother suicide, coming out of the closet, a fiancee diagnosed with a stage IV colon cancer and a ton of responsibilities and pressure at work, I went a bit downhill. I have anxiety 24/7 (I call it the Air Conditioner effect, it's always making noise in the background) but I have been able to keep it under some control.
The problem is that, in the last couple of months, my head won't stop with terrible depressing feelings - feeling of failure, of going to be fired all the time (vs being evaluated as one of the top performers in my company - it's a clear case of Impostor Syndrome), of being alone (when I actually have a ton of friends and a loving fiancee), that I'm extremely overweight (which technically, I'm not, but the brain ignores that). Lately, it's all turning into physical symptoms - back pains, heartburn, light headed, head aches. And the worst part is that, every time I get a pain, I think I have a cancer, a brain clot, whatever type of terrible illness you can think off - which makes me rush to the doctor every 3 weeks only to hear "You are healthy!". The worst part is that I don't believe him, see other doctors and they tell me the same, which makes me feel really stupid.
Now I went to a psycopharmacologist and he prescribed me with Klonopin for the first couple of weeks while the Lorozepam is kicking in. I also thought it'd be good to find a forum where I can place my questions and start dealing with this better. Bear in mind - only people who know me well know about my anxiety. To the outside world, I believe I appear very composed - which I kind of like.
So, glad to meet you all and happy to have found a place where I can place my doubts and concerns to understanding people!
I've always been an anxious person - I remember being like this all my life. I'm currently 31 y.o. But the last 5 years have taken a bit of a toll on me. Between an abusive relationship, mother suicide, coming out of the closet, a fiancee diagnosed with a stage IV colon cancer and a ton of responsibilities and pressure at work, I went a bit downhill. I have anxiety 24/7 (I call it the Air Conditioner effect, it's always making noise in the background) but I have been able to keep it under some control.
The problem is that, in the last couple of months, my head won't stop with terrible depressing feelings - feeling of failure, of going to be fired all the time (vs being evaluated as one of the top performers in my company - it's a clear case of Impostor Syndrome), of being alone (when I actually have a ton of friends and a loving fiancee), that I'm extremely overweight (which technically, I'm not, but the brain ignores that). Lately, it's all turning into physical symptoms - back pains, heartburn, light headed, head aches. And the worst part is that, every time I get a pain, I think I have a cancer, a brain clot, whatever type of terrible illness you can think off - which makes me rush to the doctor every 3 weeks only to hear "You are healthy!". The worst part is that I don't believe him, see other doctors and they tell me the same, which makes me feel really stupid.
Now I went to a psycopharmacologist and he prescribed me with Klonopin for the first couple of weeks while the Lorozepam is kicking in. I also thought it'd be good to find a forum where I can place my questions and start dealing with this better. Bear in mind - only people who know me well know about my anxiety. To the outside world, I believe I appear very composed - which I kind of like.
So, glad to meet you all and happy to have found a place where I can place my doubts and concerns to understanding people!