amielou
01-09-2014, 06:10 AM
Hi,
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for around 3 years now, I can't remember exactly how it started it wasn't triggered by a big change or situation just a general feeling of stress which spiralled into feeling quite low and now knowing how to get out of it. I have always been quite a sensitive character with quite low self esteem but all of a sudden I felt hopeless and lost and it was only going to get worse. I met a couple of people who were quite damaging to my mental state, girls who in hindsight were quite jealous of me and knew of my low self esteem, they convinced me that they cared about me and loved me and then manipulated the way I felt about other people. Eventually they ditched me and it left me with an overwhelming sense of distrust with friendships.
I live a perfectly normal life, I get up in the mornings, go to work, function normally and have a good social life but I am filled with a sense of 'getting each day out of the way' I don't enjoy life anymore or look forward to things, I can't remember the last time I felt relaxed or happy. I feel quite hopeless and negative and have only just realised quite how bad it has become, life never used to be like this for me, I am lucky in so many ways but even on Fridays with the prospect of a fun filled weekend I still feel empty and anxious.
I think maybe the anxiety is the big problem, and if I could get to grips with that then maybe it would make me feel more positive about life. I have a large group of friends, both boys and girls and within that are particularly close to two girls in particular and they are the ones that make me feel anxious. A small bit of history of us, I was very very close to Girl A for quite a while but because of jobs and boyfriends we see less of each other these days, Girl A always told me she felt a bit uncomfortable around Girl B because they're very different and has in the past said quite a few mean things about her. Girl B is totally oblivious to what Girl A has said in the past and her and me have only recently become quite close and see a lot of each other. I'm obsessed with the idea that they like each other more than they like me, even though I am probably closer to both of them than they are to each other, but I never seem to listen to the positive elements I only focus on the bad. I dread spending time with the both of them because I constantly feel on edge, I read far too much into whats happening for example assume that because Girl A is making more eye contact with Girl B than that means that she's more interested in her that me. I also feel the need to find out what they're doing every single night because I almost need to know that they're not spending time with each other. This is totally ruining my social life, I feel nervous every single day in case they see each other and decide that they want to be friends without me, I feel sick every time I see a text from Girl A on Girl B's phone and constantly check they're social media accounts to see if they are commenting or 'liking' each others photos. I can't seem to accept that they are also friends, it feels like a competition and that if they saw each other without me that would mean they didn't like me anymore. I feel as though because she didn't get on with her as much in the past Girl A puts a lot more effort into Girl B than she does with me, my boyfriend says it's because she feels more comfortable with me and doesn't have to pretend to be happy and enthusiastic with someone whose a good friend. A lot of the things I think are based on assumption however for example Girl A hasn't text me back today, this could be for a whole range of reasons but in my head it's because she doesn't care about me but would text Girl B back in a flash?!
What is strange is that it is only these two girls, if one of them saw another member of our group of friends without me I wouldn't care, they often mention that one of them has met up with someone else and it doesn't bother me in any way. I don't know what to do about this, is there any sort of help that a GP could give me with these anxious feelings or could someone maybe tell me that they have been through a similar situation?
I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for around 3 years now, I can't remember exactly how it started it wasn't triggered by a big change or situation just a general feeling of stress which spiralled into feeling quite low and now knowing how to get out of it. I have always been quite a sensitive character with quite low self esteem but all of a sudden I felt hopeless and lost and it was only going to get worse. I met a couple of people who were quite damaging to my mental state, girls who in hindsight were quite jealous of me and knew of my low self esteem, they convinced me that they cared about me and loved me and then manipulated the way I felt about other people. Eventually they ditched me and it left me with an overwhelming sense of distrust with friendships.
I live a perfectly normal life, I get up in the mornings, go to work, function normally and have a good social life but I am filled with a sense of 'getting each day out of the way' I don't enjoy life anymore or look forward to things, I can't remember the last time I felt relaxed or happy. I feel quite hopeless and negative and have only just realised quite how bad it has become, life never used to be like this for me, I am lucky in so many ways but even on Fridays with the prospect of a fun filled weekend I still feel empty and anxious.
I think maybe the anxiety is the big problem, and if I could get to grips with that then maybe it would make me feel more positive about life. I have a large group of friends, both boys and girls and within that are particularly close to two girls in particular and they are the ones that make me feel anxious. A small bit of history of us, I was very very close to Girl A for quite a while but because of jobs and boyfriends we see less of each other these days, Girl A always told me she felt a bit uncomfortable around Girl B because they're very different and has in the past said quite a few mean things about her. Girl B is totally oblivious to what Girl A has said in the past and her and me have only recently become quite close and see a lot of each other. I'm obsessed with the idea that they like each other more than they like me, even though I am probably closer to both of them than they are to each other, but I never seem to listen to the positive elements I only focus on the bad. I dread spending time with the both of them because I constantly feel on edge, I read far too much into whats happening for example assume that because Girl A is making more eye contact with Girl B than that means that she's more interested in her that me. I also feel the need to find out what they're doing every single night because I almost need to know that they're not spending time with each other. This is totally ruining my social life, I feel nervous every single day in case they see each other and decide that they want to be friends without me, I feel sick every time I see a text from Girl A on Girl B's phone and constantly check they're social media accounts to see if they are commenting or 'liking' each others photos. I can't seem to accept that they are also friends, it feels like a competition and that if they saw each other without me that would mean they didn't like me anymore. I feel as though because she didn't get on with her as much in the past Girl A puts a lot more effort into Girl B than she does with me, my boyfriend says it's because she feels more comfortable with me and doesn't have to pretend to be happy and enthusiastic with someone whose a good friend. A lot of the things I think are based on assumption however for example Girl A hasn't text me back today, this could be for a whole range of reasons but in my head it's because she doesn't care about me but would text Girl B back in a flash?!
What is strange is that it is only these two girls, if one of them saw another member of our group of friends without me I wouldn't care, they often mention that one of them has met up with someone else and it doesn't bother me in any way. I don't know what to do about this, is there any sort of help that a GP could give me with these anxious feelings or could someone maybe tell me that they have been through a similar situation?