Coping

[Guilm0n]

Hello!

For most of 2013, I worked for a mid century modern showroom in Boston as the Operations Manager, and I loved my job... most of the time. In the summer, our CEO announced to us that he was unhappy with his current life and was going to close the store and move onto better projects to make a happier life for himself and his partner, which was a bold decision that I am happy they made. We received 8 weeks severance, and I wasn't prepared for the months to come.

I currently live in Boston, MA. The city in general is very difficult to find work in, and not due to its lack of available jobs. The difficulty is that most positions ask you to be severely over qualified, some even asking for a 4 year degree with 5+ years prior working experience for positions such as a Department Manager in a retail store. You need a bachelors degree to be a telephone customer service representative here, and unlucky for me, I was not able to attend college. I'm a 23 year old guy with no degree. Yet.

So some months went by, and from the start I had trouble finding the motivation to look for open positions. I just was not engaged by the process, my mind went blank. Every now and again I'd find something interested, keep a tab for it, and by the next day I would find a reason that I would not like that particular job.

The guy I had a truly complicated relationship offered me a part time position helping the COO of his company, and I accepted. Long story short, boy broke my heart for another guy and now I am too afraid to go to work, even to quit... so I haven't been going, and I am back to square one. I can't find the courage to apply to open positions. I don't know how I'm going to play my inability to return, or how I will communicate to my boss.

I've been speaking with a friend about moving to Chicago, and she's adamant about our move, and I was as well. However, now I am sh*tting myself and thinking "Micah, what the f*ck are you doing?" This plan has increased my stress level, especially for finding work here in Boston. I don't want to find a job here just to leave it in the spring for Chicago, or have a resume that is all over the place. But then again, what if things don't work out and I don't move with her?

A lot of my issue is back and forth. I can never make a decision, and once I do, I find a flaw and talk myself out of it. Part of this is why I never went to college, I can't pick a study to focus on. I just sit at home in my underwear wondering what's wrong with myself, and why I find nothing engaging enough to pursue in school or work. I want to just give up and lock myself inside. At one point, I didn't leave my apartment for over a week.

[jessed03]

It can be hard enough at the best of times, trying to make a big life decision like moving away. When you add anxiety/depression into the mix, it becomes really hard!

I didn't know that about Boston, that sounds rough. I've always gotten myself into positions through pretty good contacts, and some charismatic chatter at times LOL. I think I'd be sleeping with the ex vets under the bridge if I lived there, as I'd be seriously under qualified, despite having a great job here in London.

You didn't mention the job situation in Chicago? I know it's a big city with lots going on, but is the job situation easier to manage there than in Bean Town?

I'm just reading through your posts, it does kind of seem like there is a little clinical depression there, maybe. There are several parts of your post that kind of make me think you could benefit from a little medicinal help - to give you an edge. Often depression isn't about feeling sad, but just a lack of spark, a lack of grit, and it does seem you're suffering from a little of that.

I don't know whether it's related to anxiety or not, maybe. I remember when my anxiety condition had begun to evaporate, but for years after I suffered many similar things to you. An almost lethargic state that prevented me from getting moving, from getting fired up and motivated. Perhaps you've already gone down that route.

You know what they say 'a change is as good as a rest'. If there are benefits to be found by moving, and you could get away from an awkward situation, that wouldn't be bad at all. Chicago seems like a really cool city.

But the danger is taking these same habits with you, and that's a very real danger. Unfortunately moving rarely changes us, but can sometimes provide as motivation. I think anyone motivated can make a move work, it's a big question as whether you have that motivation you feel?

It's a pretty big step, to move city and apartment, but carry on sitting in your underwear ;)