My first post!

[Colbert87]

Well my anxiety started about 6 years ago and it was all about my heart health I don't remember much from those episodes but after that I was fine for the longest time with a few anxiety attacks here and there but about 4 weeks ago it's all come back with a vengeance and it's all about my heart again I'm afraid to lay down fast because I fear a palpitation or my heart stopping I get pain in my chest and it feels like pressure builds up in there kinda like the feeling that I have to burp but I never do I'm literally so scared of dying and leaving my 3 children and my wife alone in this world without me to protect them but any sudden flutter or odd feeling send me in a downward spiral of anxiety it's all day everyday and I'm constantly worried of them impending doom that never seems to come I just can't grasp the fact that nothing is wrong with me.. I just want to go back to an anxiety attack here and there so bad rather than not being able to sleep or anything and my head is constantly filled with pressure I just can't relax but if I'm out town doing something be it work or talking with someone I'm 100% perfect it's when I get home and start to relax that my mind just races with horrible thoughts of dying prematurely I'm 26 and a male and my name is Jared also somewhere in between the six years I've been dealing with anxiety I went on a kick of me thinking I was dying of stomach/colon cancer but that eventually ended after a few months and not to mention how my head feels constantly it's like I have a vice grip just squeezed as tight as it will go and I'm dizzy all the time it's just so frustrating having to keep a straight face an act like nothing is wrong with me around my kids and playing with them reguardless of how I feel at that given time they are 5, 3 and 1 and are amazing they are my whole world and I just refuse to let my anxiety come between myself and them but it doesn't mean I'm not secretly loosing my mind behind my smile and laughter

[Enduronman]

Welcome Colbert!!!

I've got PT in an hour so I will return friend..

E-Man...:)

[Colbert87]

Ok hope to hear from someone soon

[NixonRulz]

As a father and a husband, it's amazing how you would fight heroically to protect your family but cower when you you are alone with your thoughts.

I know it's hard for everyone, but most men feel they are supposed to be the strong protector. Anxiety humbles you swiftly.

You can swap diseases and illnesses in your post and you will realize most people here with health anxiety are in the exact same situation.

My nemesis as well.

Once you get the physical okay from a doc, do what you can to get settled, whether with medication or not.

Then you can start digging in to find the best path for you to travel to rid yourself of anxiety

As screwed up as it seems, this will stop.

You will be the man you expect of yourself.

[GeneAllen]

Colbert
You remind me of myself as a young father, very protective, possessive of my family, hyper alert to anything that might thwart my efforts at being a "good" dad. When I was just becoming a parent, even before the event of my first daughter I would obsess on thoughts about her being hurt, dying, etc. I hear you saying, "my heart hurts, and my head feels like it's in a vice, and that my friend is stress. You're concerned with self, that's my simple definition of stress too much self concern, then I would project my un sureness about me onto my family. I did the same stuff so I recognize it. Once you become aware of this and know what you're doing, it will fall apart on it's own. It's a trick of the mind. You're not crazy, or dying. Well we're all dying but you're not right now if you're reading this you're alive and well. So here's a truth if this is so. You are alive NOW! I know this feels like hell, and I know even though it seems difficult to believe this will only be temporary for you. I had a bad example for a dad (my opinion again), and I grew hyper vigilant to be damn sure not to be like he was, and I wasn't. The anxiety taught me something like always, it taught me I exaggerate easily while in panic mode. You need some relief though, meditate, prayer, or exercise, maybe a medicine, herbal, or see the posting on magnesium, amino acids. I could be off base here. Ask yourself what you think, does this resonate with you? If not drop it and find whatever does. I want to assure you, you'll be alright. The people here are wise, stay out of the negative stuff. I recently found brain sync, a site with brainwave meditation (relieving anxiety). I bought it, and WOW! I also pay close attention to Mooji, Eckhardt Tolle, Michael Singer "the untethered soul". But for some free worksheets go to the "The Work" dot com of course. Cognitive based teachers will help you recall who you are. Right now you're mistaking you as your thoughts, feelings. The real you is quiet and peaceful. You tube is a great resource for tons of free info. Like I say though you will "know when you run across what suits you best, then stick with that. There is more than one road through, but they all have to be gone through, not around. Peace, Gene

[Colbert87]

Gene what you said was very helpful and I thank you for it that's some of the best advice I've ever had the pleasure of reading..

[Enduronman]

Welcome bruh!!

E-Man..:)

[Dahila]

Welcome to the forum Colbert:)
Our Western society is showing its technological muscles in ever more threatening ways, but the experience of fear, anxiety and even despair has increased in equal proportion. Indeed, the paradox is that the powerful giants feel as powerless as a new-born babe.

I hope you will stick up with us and get some support. :)

[GeneAllen]

Gene what you said was very helpful and I thank you for it that's some of the best advice I've ever had the pleasure of reading..

You're sure welcome. ;) There are so many helpful people here so keep reading. If you ever want to email please do so. I may not have the answers but I do know this, you do and I'll help you anyway I can. Most times for me it's just been a matter of remembering who I am. Peace

[Colbert87]

After your post my anxiety has almost completely disappeared now more worry about my heart health an the pressure in my head has gone too

[GeneAllen]

After your post my anxiety has almost completely disappeared now more worry about my heart health an the pressure in my head has gone too

Awesome!!! Well as you improve stay with us a while if you can. This anxiety stuff can be tricky. It seems to happen to some of the most creative intelligent people I know. They usually have great imaginations to and this is all good. One thing for certain if you get into the trick of anxiety you surely can get out. I've been dealing with my angry feelings and blaming others for a while now. I see this as a strong source of my deviation from the norms I call normal, but that's an idea. lol I just work on through it, talk about things, and meditate often. I journal too. Sleep well, eat well and try to stay social even when I feel like I'm faking it. Keep bringing the body around and the mind catches up. Great news my friend! Peace to you.

[Colbert87]

Day 2 with no anxiety symptoms coming to and end :)

[jessed03]

Day 2 with no anxiety symptoms coming to and end :)

Shh. Go back to having anxiety. I haven't said hello to you yet! Hello Colbert! :)

Ok.. Now go back to getting better!

[GeneAllen]

LOL Jessed ;)

[Colbert87]

Lol hey day 3 is goin good too

[GeneAllen]

Awesome!! Congrats!! Keep us all posted. Peace

[Colbert87]

Ok so today didn't go very well

[Colbert87]

2 back to back anxiety attacks full blown pacing the house going outside bad attacks first one lasted about 4 minutes then had about 35 seconds of relief then right back to it even worse for about 25 minutes I'm ok now it's been about 5 minutes chest and back hurt a little now but I'm doing fine

[Dorrie23]

Welcome Colbert!! I don't know about you, but the first post is the hardest, was the hardest for me. But you did it. And we are so very glad you are here with us! I tell you, I didn't know what to expect at first, but there are some of the nicest and finest people ever right here on this board you will find. I was so nervous when I posted my first question, and Jesse, who replied already, who can be funnier than all get out, but very caring and understanding when necessary too. Him, along with many others, welcomed me, and said if I needed anything at all just to get in contact with them and the would be there to help in any way they could. Their the best group of people you'll come across, I promise. Hang around, and again, welcome aboard!! Dorrie

[GeneAllen]

Ok so today didn't go very well


How's the thinking before the anxiety? Have you taken every opportunity to reassure yourself with meditation, self talk that's true, and the like? The first thought that comes to your mind will be the ones that kicked it off. In my experience I downplay my feelings thoughts, and deny emotions at times thinking come on you're 6'4 be a damn man. This of course leaves me isolated and very mistrusting of myself and others eventually. I was taught very young I would be punished, ridiculed and threatened with whoopins if I showed too much emotion, and yet I lived in a violent, alcoholic family. So as I child I was stuck, as an adult I took that power back, and was a bit overzealous, determined that I would never be mistreated again. WOW was I in for a surprise, I never bullied but if I was bullied I pressed the issue and demanded my justice. I would stop at nothing to whoop someone's ass if they even appeared to be a threat to me. This landed me in trouble, and eventually I seen I was a fearful person (anger is veiled fear). I had no experience with this new awareness and emotions and their important role in my life. I was out of touch with me. When I realized how crazy I was acting to be a problem I was once again going to be punished for I stopped, I mean froze, panicked. I had to learn some valueable things about me, number one I stay in my business, I let others deal with their business, and when I do that I feel no threat. I tried carrying the weight of the world and my back was strong but not that strong. I used this life experience to show my children, and others who came from homes like mine that they are not victims when they get adult age. Victims are violent people. I took my power back, centered all that energy into a joy of living, loving, and following my passions. I volunteered to counsel teens and pre teens, and worked with adults who were addicts, or related to one. It was my pleasure. I worked as an ironworker, so dangerous work attracted me, hard labor, heights, and eventually went into another field for six years. There was a time I mistook myself for my family, thought my wonderful wife, children and their smarts were reflections of me and I expected a lot out of them all. I first expected a lot of myself, beyond realistic measures. How bout you? You're okay my friend, you're going to have to own this business of takin care of yourself too. You do it your way and it'll be wonderfully you. Thank you for sharing, being vulnerable, and be thankful for this group, make a grateful list, repeat it daily. Sorry about going on and on, and yes I feel a bit vulnerable too. Sharing from the heart shifts me, my experience in life is NOT me, the real me is simply peaceful calm kind and loving, sitting in the backdrop, always watching this human get er done. ;) We all hurt, suffer, and most times it's not needed, but until we "know" that, we continue. It really is a beautiful life, be there now. Peace and love

[Colbert87]

I don't think it's my thoughts causing it my kids were goin haywire last night loud and not minding or listening so I was havin to raise my voice at them and jump up every few minutes which raised my heart rate and.. Yeah I guess it was my thoughts cause I started thinking about my heart it was just a stressful evening for me with the kids loud I had to walk outside and the cold air made it a little worse so I had to go back inside I brought myself and the kids to my grandmothers today while my wife is working so I could relax a little better cause they can play outside here her yard is fenced in I live to close to a road and I'm just not comfortable letting my 5 and 3 year old goin out there by themselves but here there are no neighbors and about a 300 yard driveway so not close to the road and they have about a half acre fenced in to run around and go nuts on lol but I'm fine today just relaxing and my gma is helpin out keepin an eye on the others didn't manage to get to sleep till about 5am and got up at 10

[GeneAllen]

Well you've had a bump my friend. Get some rest, relax and feel good about it, not guilty. You're a good dad, and care a lot about those young uns.

Keep reporting. Re-read your last post. See the theme? I see lots of neat things in it. Peace

[NixonRulz]

Well you've had a bump my friend. Get some rest, relax and feel good about it, not guilty. You're a good dad, and care a lot about those young uns. Keep reporting. Re-read your last post. See the theme? I see lots of neat things in it. Peace

A bump in the road or a setback should just be viewed as opportunity for course correction.

Colbert - what is nice to see as you write is you continually to identify things that probably are caused by your anxiety issues.

To me that is one of the best roads to travel when recovering.

The more you identify things and thoughts and you can chalk them up to anxiety means you are not buying what anxiety is selling.

From where I sit, great job!

[GeneAllen]

Colbert,
How's it going? Wanted to check in on you and see what's working for you. Peace

[Colbert87]

Honestly I've been great every time my heart starts it's crap I just ignore it I have better things to do than to sit and worry about myself I just hit the take control button and by god I did I sleep good now my kids are happier my wife is still a jerk but oh well lol

[GeneAllen]

Man that sounds great! I take omega 3 fish oil to keep my ticker ticking well. Am looking into Magnesium Chloride as well. Most folks are deficient in D3 Magnesium and other things due to the state of the food supply we have available in this country. Sorry to hear the wifey thing, my son has some difficulties there too. lol Life is good then even with the bumps on occasion. Great to hear from you.
Peace

[Colbert87]

Today was good again no problem plus I slept till 2:30 pm lol must of needed to sleep but now it's 3:42 am and I'm not tired lol

[Dorrie23]

Gene Allen, I have read this soo many times and think about my own life and how true it is. i am the perfect example of what you say in this post. And the sad part about it, is I carry so much blame. To explain.. I too, lived in a very abusive alcoholic family. My father, not mother. He was gone off shore a lot, and boy we had those bags packed because if he came home drunk we took off the back door, got into that old car, prayed momma would make it there, which she always managed too, with him stumbling after him. I went through this for years. The fear, panic, worry, wonder of what was going to happen. Swearing I would never do that to my children. Guess what.. I became an alcoholic myself. Not a mean one. I was a Hey lets have fun, one. but it caused me to neglect my too older boys a bit, and I didn't even see it GENE!!! They never went hungry, always had food, new shoes, new clothes, Christmas Presents, were never beaten. They could have beat me up. I quit seven yr.s ago. They were in their early teens. And they totally forgive me, and love me soo much, and tell me the things I just told you, but when you have a son in jail, all alcohol related...You can't help but feel that sting of guilt a little bit. He tells me over and over Its not your fault mom... come on!!! Maybe it's not. I always loved my kids, and they never hurt for a thing, but I cant help how I feel. So, we all battle our own demons... thats for sure. D

[Dorrie23]

I just read your tired... but better any??? Dorrie

[Colbert87]

Today was an excellent day I went over to a friends house and we made a big fire and we just sat out there for about 6 hours shootin the shit had the kids running around havin a good time just a great day hope y'all's was as good as mine

[GeneAllen]

Thank you for keeping us posted. Dude that sounds fun, and like you enjoyed the hell out of it. You've done well my friend and onto more. Be well, Peace Bro.

[Colbert87]

I plan to use this forum as kind of like a journal posting daily of problems or good things that happen through out each day not only to help others but to help myself as well so if I have a problem I can come back here and read lol

[GeneAllen]

That's a great way to make it useful to yourself and others too. I appreciate your sharing and am encouraged to see your spunk. Peace

[Colbert87]

Everything is still going great I haven't had any anxiety for a few days now but I still worry about stupid stuff but it hasn't triggered an attack yet lol

[GeneAllen]

Don't forget to take some time for yourself, relax your mind and do the things you have passion for, just for you. I know you have a lot of responsibilities at home, so

when you can just sit and appreciate, reflect on your contributions you make and don't forget to pat yourself on the back. This time for you will keep your gratefulness

in your awareness, and your appreciation of all those you love and cherish will grow. Peace my friend and thank you so much for letting us know how things are going

for you.

[Colbert87]

Well I now have the flu which is making my anxiety pretty bad