First day back at work!

[Gemgem]

Well, it went good. It's weird how old routines can trigger feelings though. The morning getting ready for work/school routine started my stress levels soaring because that's how I used to be in the mornings, I had to calm myself a few times. Then I started panicking because I couldn't find my work ID, but that wasn't a big deal because I only use it to swipe myself into the building, someone else could have done that!

Anyway, I'm on a phased return so half days for 2 weeks on light duties to settle back in. It was lovely to be back with my work buddies.

However tonight, I am anxious and emotional. I think it's because one of my biggest anxiety causes is money, we've gone year after year getting into debt, consolidating then getting into debt again. We are currently going through a remortgage to consolidate out debts again because our monthly payments are too high. I am Keeping a close eye on money now and trying to watch every penny and stop takeaways, overspending etc. my husband took up golf last year, out of everything he's tried to get him out of the house (he suffers with anxiety too) golf is the only thing he truly enjoys and I'm really happy about that but it's probably the most expensive. He's said he's going to play tomorrow and Friday, and he normally goes weekly so this now is going to put a big dent in our monthly budget that I'm trying so hard to keep low, but it's good for him so what the hell do I do? I've spoken to him about money and keeping spending down in other areas if he wants to play golf but it just doesn't seem to register. I told him this is last chance saloon for getting out of debt, we can't remortgage again and there's no money coming from anywhere else, I said if this happens again ill end up having a breakdown. I wasn't saying it for effect, I won't be able to cope any more, I am not exactly coping at the moment!

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxx

[Enduronman]

Congratulations Gem on the work success!!!

Grrr...on the other part. In America, we can dispose of our debts every 8 years. Especially, if we are "under"...or sinking. Not sure what your Laws are over there but if this is a majooorrrrr stressor to borrow from Peter to pay Paul to pay Jesse,...then you should look into it..pretty simple over here. Yes, doesn't get more expensive then golf over here either...but, if that's what he likes, then it kinda has to be...broke or not. It's his "therapy". What would a Therapist cost??..Golf is cheaper....

Doing ok, just -35degrees!!

E-Man...:)

[Gemgem]

We don't have anything like that here, we can go to companies who help write off some debts but anything you do seriously damages your credit rating which I really don't want to do, although I'm not sure it would matter really!

That's the thing, golf is his therapy, which is why I don't say anything but I need him to understand that we have cut back in other areas. He just credit carded a £1000 computer. He doesn't worry about money like I do, he seems to think it's all fine, I just don't get it!

That's really cold!! We have been having major storms in South Wales over the past few weeks, our conservatory/man cave is leaking although we don't have it as bad as seaside towns, they have had so much damage from the sea crashing over flood barriers a lot of it has just been washed away it's awful!

[Gemgem]

Also, therapists here are free when referred by your doctor lol so therapist is cheaper!! Ha ha

[Enduronman]

I can sense the friction here about the money issues..yes, that's alot for a computer in our dollars!

It sounds as if maybe he does need some sort of credit counceling, as much as I hate to say this because it's kindof against dude Law but taking a toll on you and down the money drains spells T R O U B L E in not just that area but the relationship area too. My X wife was like that. I came home one day and my cabinets were gone in the kitchen. She said we're doing a remodel...$30,000.00 remodel!!! I have "double-ovens" that cost more than my friggin car did!!!....

Going to have to have a talk with him I'm afraid....the golf may be more of a bromance too with friends that ACTUALLY have money...if you know what I mean...

I just broke another dude Law....but, you're here, he isn't...You need help, so does he, through you....

What would it matter to damage your credit? It wouldn't...you're damaged (gawd I hate this next word) emotionally....

E-Man...:unsure:

[Gemgem]

Yes you're right about it all Eman.

I've started checking our account daily and noting spending to see what needs to be cut out, for example I will do meal plans for the week, write a shopping list and buy those items but then he will go back to the store a few days later and spend another £30-40 on other things because he doesn't fancy what I have bought! Yet I ask for his input on the meal plans and list every week!!

Sorry, it sounds like I'm verbally bashing my husband, I love him dearly and wouldn't be without him but I have to lay down the law, if it means I have to monitor our account daily then that's the way it has to be.

Next step, credit card confiscation!!

Thanks Eman, you're right, I am damaged emotionally, the money issue isn't the only thing that's caused my anxiety but it's one of the biggest triggers and sets my anxiety off without fail, hence why I feel so bad tonight.

I'm off to make some sugarpaste decorations. Golf is his therapy, cake making and decorating is mine. Maybe I can sell my cakes and make money to pay for his golf :-) x

[Enduronman]

Yup..You have got to take charge, as hard as this may be...YOU"RE the only "Financial Advisor" it seems....My X put me $52,000.00 in a hole and I learned a very hard lesson because she was (oblivious) to what money was, how hard it was for me to make, where it came from, how much there was,..etc, etc...

It's either agree, or go to Counceling.

(Yes, take the damn cards..don't cut them yet, that's the LAST RESORT)....

Man, I have really crossed some DUDE LAW lines but shit, I went through this too and it was partly the failure of a marriage too...that COSTS even more....

Best to just deal with PAPER MONEY than it is to mess with PEOPLE'S FEELINGS......if you know what I mean?.....

[Enduronman]

Yes, I had credit cards that were maxed out at stores I never even went too....

Have this SERIOUS talk very soon....don't delay. :/

[Gemgem]

Thanks Eman :-)

[Enduronman]

grrr...welcome dear, but man I went over some lines there for you..or whoever else reads this...He may want to send the Mafia after me!! LMAO!!! I wouldn't care though, I am a big boy...kinda tough too...LOL! :)

[Gemgem]

NOOOOO no lines have been crossed! It's all good :-)

[Enduronman]

I may have "exposed" some things, that's all I mean by that...about how some peoples minds work..(oblivious) to certain things that are very important..Money.

No money, no food, no heat, no nothing....

Hope you get this worked out, it could save alot more than just money..:)