MrBlu
01-05-2014, 01:38 PM
Pats on the back - "you're doing really well" - "hang in there" - "light at the end of the tunnel" etc.
It's not that I don't appreciate the above, but none of them are getting my partner, and therefore our family life any better.
There don't seem to be any mental health support groups for partners in my area (North of Scotland). Perhaps I should approach my own doctor for help?
My partner has suffered from depression for many years (she had instances of it in her teens and again since we had our son 11 years ago) which has since developed through anxiety disorders and I've no doubt that she is now fully agoraphobic. At that time we got some help from GPs, which led on to help from various occupational therapists and psychologists, including CBT in our local city, and more recently a series of home visits (12-week block I think). These DID improve matters slightly - and only really short term while my wife was physically seeing them. I believe the therapists called it a day as my partner could demonstrate that she knew all the tools she needed to get out and about, but it seems the will-power just isn't there any more.
"you can't put a time limit on it", I heard mentioned once. I'm happy not to put a time limit on her getting better AS LONG AS IT DOESNT AFFECT OUR KIDS, and at eleven, my son is really starting to show signs of social discomfort and shying away from situations to the degree that it is affecting his confidence, his schoolwork, his health and his prospects for the future. It's one thing when I'm feeling my wife is being let down by the healthcare system, but another when its also my kids.
Of course I am supportive of my partner. I'm told I've even been "over" supportive and too compassionate, forgiving and understanding, but to date I've yet to see anything formal telling me what I should be doing, and I find that disgraceful.
My partner doesn't get out of the house without me, and when with me, we can get perhaps a mile from the house in the car before the panic sets in. We don't want the kids to see that, so we can only take her out when the kids are at school, and with me working full time 7am-6pm away from the house, that isn't as much as it should be - lucky if its once every couple of weeks so I'm not sure that really having much effect.
So yes, I'm the sole earner, and my partner has stopped claiming ANY kind of benefits as she doesn't feel her situation warrants it.
She sees no way out apart from "that" way out - and she asks me all the time why I still love her, and although I do, I'm really beginning to resent what this has done to our lives - particularly where she is the only one being offered support.
This situation, together with the strains of a well paid (but stressful) job is really taking its toll on me. I've certainly aged more than ten years in the last decade (if that makes any sense), I'm putting on weight and my health is starting to suffer, making me very tired and irritable pretty much all the time. I've started losing patience with the kids and those around me more and more often - no doubt exacerbating my son's lack of confidence. That is COMPLETELY unacceptable behaviour from me and I know I MUST not continue to do that.
I need help though - real world solutions which work to help my family get back to normality in time for my sons development to be put back on track before he hits those really influential rebellious years - which are fast approaching. I've really had it up to here with pats on the back.
I'd really appreciate some advice as to where to turn, where to start, what I can do myself? - rather than suggestions as to what my partner can do?
Kind regards
MrBlu
It's not that I don't appreciate the above, but none of them are getting my partner, and therefore our family life any better.
There don't seem to be any mental health support groups for partners in my area (North of Scotland). Perhaps I should approach my own doctor for help?
My partner has suffered from depression for many years (she had instances of it in her teens and again since we had our son 11 years ago) which has since developed through anxiety disorders and I've no doubt that she is now fully agoraphobic. At that time we got some help from GPs, which led on to help from various occupational therapists and psychologists, including CBT in our local city, and more recently a series of home visits (12-week block I think). These DID improve matters slightly - and only really short term while my wife was physically seeing them. I believe the therapists called it a day as my partner could demonstrate that she knew all the tools she needed to get out and about, but it seems the will-power just isn't there any more.
"you can't put a time limit on it", I heard mentioned once. I'm happy not to put a time limit on her getting better AS LONG AS IT DOESNT AFFECT OUR KIDS, and at eleven, my son is really starting to show signs of social discomfort and shying away from situations to the degree that it is affecting his confidence, his schoolwork, his health and his prospects for the future. It's one thing when I'm feeling my wife is being let down by the healthcare system, but another when its also my kids.
Of course I am supportive of my partner. I'm told I've even been "over" supportive and too compassionate, forgiving and understanding, but to date I've yet to see anything formal telling me what I should be doing, and I find that disgraceful.
My partner doesn't get out of the house without me, and when with me, we can get perhaps a mile from the house in the car before the panic sets in. We don't want the kids to see that, so we can only take her out when the kids are at school, and with me working full time 7am-6pm away from the house, that isn't as much as it should be - lucky if its once every couple of weeks so I'm not sure that really having much effect.
So yes, I'm the sole earner, and my partner has stopped claiming ANY kind of benefits as she doesn't feel her situation warrants it.
She sees no way out apart from "that" way out - and she asks me all the time why I still love her, and although I do, I'm really beginning to resent what this has done to our lives - particularly where she is the only one being offered support.
This situation, together with the strains of a well paid (but stressful) job is really taking its toll on me. I've certainly aged more than ten years in the last decade (if that makes any sense), I'm putting on weight and my health is starting to suffer, making me very tired and irritable pretty much all the time. I've started losing patience with the kids and those around me more and more often - no doubt exacerbating my son's lack of confidence. That is COMPLETELY unacceptable behaviour from me and I know I MUST not continue to do that.
I need help though - real world solutions which work to help my family get back to normality in time for my sons development to be put back on track before he hits those really influential rebellious years - which are fast approaching. I've really had it up to here with pats on the back.
I'd really appreciate some advice as to where to turn, where to start, what I can do myself? - rather than suggestions as to what my partner can do?
Kind regards
MrBlu