Marriage Survival

[pmdcwd]

Any tips on how to save a marriage? :cry:

[shoe]

hi pmdwcd. I read your message on the welcome board, I'm glad you are looking for solutions rather than giving up on someone. I guess such a disorder as Agoraphobia would make alot of things difficult on any relationship, and its unfortunately something that will need time and effort and some type of commitment on both of your parts to help him get better.

Somehow he needs to get help, to go see a therapist. I dont know what his limits are as an Agoraphobic but that should be the first priority, imo

dan

[pmdcwd]

Thanks Shoey.

He and we have been through counseling. We have been married for 3 years. I was there while he still worked and actually became disbled. Since we have been married, he has had a heart attack and back surgery. So needless to say, with all of this with him and trying to raise 3 children, sports, (you get the picture) and a full time job I have my hands full.

[shoe]

pmdcwd,

wow, you are a strong person to be able to deal with so much. I can see why it would put a strain on things to have to take care of everything while he cant help out with much. I hope you can get him to a psychologist somehow, or get him reading some self-help material.

Its also kind of important you don't treat him as though he simply needs to 'get over it' or that he's being 'ridiculous', etc. I say that because it's usually very hard for people who don't have anxiety disorders to understand those that do, and those types of reactions are quite common, and actually potentially damaging.

In any case, I commend you on being able to take care of so much, I hope you find some way to get a break from it all now and then, maybe through the help of friends or family. I wish you the best

dan

[babycristy]

Your case reminds me of my mom and dad. My dad got ill when I was about 8 and had to have his leg amputated. (He is not 61 an my mom 51). Due to the depression he fell into, he never got the energy to try to walk again on a prosthetic leg. He has been chair bound since then and has gained alot of weight. To top it off, he also has diabetes, has had a minor heart attack, sleeping disorders, and is on a bunch of medications. This brought my mom into a severe depression along with me and my brother as well. My mom had to work full time, take care of us, and had no social life at all. My dad does not talk about it, but I know he has social anxiety for sure. He is able to go out and all that, but when it comes to socializing with people and going out in groups, he feels very sorry for himself and feels that he will be "in the way" of everyone's fun if he goes. He even missed my graduation and has missed numerous events that were important in me and my brother's life. I do not blame him for it, I actually feel sorry for him because I know he wishes he could be there, but his anxiety and depression (and phyical discomfort such as pain) simply does not let him. I know deep inside how hard it has been for my mother these years, but they are still together and are happy underneath it all.

I think anything is possible to get through, I look up to my dad everyday as he gets up from bed and goes to work in a wheel chair even though he has so many health issues and social anxiety problems. But his main goal now is to help get my brother through high school so that he can graduate, and that keeps him going. And that reminds me that life is not all that bad after all if someone like him can get up every day. To me, he is a true symbol of strength and never giving up.

I hope that you can help your husband who is going through such hard times, and understand that his condition of anxiety and depression is not easy to explain nor overcome. Sometimes what someone needs the most is someone to be there and give them some hope.

Sorry to give you a long post but I can imagine the pain you must be going through, and I hope you and your husband can make everything work out for the best.

[shoe]

babycristy, wow your family has been through alot. I hope everyone can find happiness somehow, it sounds so hard to get through each day :?