Need help please

[Ben3745]

Hi all

Im in need of some help/advice for my anxiety/depression problems.

It started earlier this month and it was horrible during the first week or two, everywhere I went or during anything I did I could only think of anxious thoughts. The thing that intensified it was that nobody did (and still doesnt) know how I felt inside. Im sure to everyone else they just saw me as normal and there was nothing wrong. I would tell my parents, but just thinking about that makes me anxious. Thats why I came here. I really want to talk to someone who feels the same way.

Every night I would slowly start to feel bad, mentally and physically. I had bad stomach ache, fast heartbeat and I was badly shaking. Eventually after about 5 mins of this I would get the anxious thoughts, which kept coming over and over again. It must have took about 30-40 mins the first few times, to make it stop. The thoughts are generally about being worthless, guilty, a bad person and so on. The thing that seemed to send me crazy was that my mind kept saying things like my parents would hate me.

Since then, it has got better and then worse. Oddly, on the 3rd or 4th week of experiencing it, I had a nice period of time. I rarely had bad thoughts and my mind seemed completely focused on other things. I didnt even have a single panic attack and my mood was normal again, sometimes even happy. I found things fun again, and had a strange sense of motivation to do things. Life was normal again.
More recently, when I finished high school for the 2 week holiday for christmas, it has returned. I dont know what triggered it because the day was fine and so was the night, but it was when it got closer to christmas eve I suddenly started getting all the bad and irrational thoughts back. On christmas eve im usually really happy, but this year I didnt feel the same inside. On the outside i probably looked normal, but all I could think of in my mind was far from normal.

I had a small panic attack that night, and from the SECOND I woke up on Christmas day, the first thing that automatically popped into my mind was these negative thoughts again. I was shaking all day and occasionally my heart rate kept getting faster and slower.
Ever since I have had the same thoughts all day long, I've had two more panic attacks. All I can say is im happy that I have my concentration back and I can focus on things. The thoughts remain but they dont affect me as much. It makes me feel constantly down and in a low mood, but it is nothing compared to the first few times.

I have read a lot of internet sites about anxiety and depression, and I have tried it all, but it doesnt help me.

The only thing that does is trying to rationalize my thoughts.

If i think im worthless, I tell myself that I have lots of friends and a caring family. If i think i am a bad person, I tell myself about the times I gave money to charity and the good things I have done for people. This calms me down but only when Im not having a panic attack, If i am then my thoughts seemed to be blocked by bad ones. After the panic attacks, I dont feel happy but I know that the entire thing is crap, and I shouldnt have to feel that way. Although i realise that the thoughts are nonsense and I can explain why they happen, I cant stop them from getting to me.

Now to the point, does anyone know how I can at least manage this? I think I have made a step forward because I am a lot more focused on other things and I dont have panic attacks as much, but I wish the constant 24/7 thoughts would go away.

I could cope with them If i knew how to lessen their effect on me.
Im sorry if this is a bit of a pain to read, I know its a bit long but I cant express it in a few sentences.

Thanks

[quinny]

Hi all

Im in need of some help/advice for my anxiety/depression problems.

It started earlier this month and it was horrible during the first week or two, everywhere I went or during anything I did I could only think of anxious thoughts. The thing that intensified it was that nobody did (and still doesnt) know how I felt inside. Im sure to everyone else they just saw me as normal and there was nothing wrong. I would tell my parents, but just thinking about that makes me anxious. Thats why I came here. I really want to talk to someone who feels the same way.

Every night I would slowly start to feel bad, mentally and physically. I had bad stomach ache, fast heartbeat and I was badly shaking. Eventually after about 5 mins of this I would get the anxious thoughts, which kept coming over and over again. It must have took about 30-40 mins the first few times, to make it stop. The thoughts are generally about being worthless, guilty, a bad person and so on. The thing that seemed to send me crazy was that my mind kept saying things like my parents would hate me.

Since then, it has got better and then worse. Oddly, on the 3rd or 4th week of experiencing it, I had a nice period of time. I rarely had bad thoughts and my mind seemed completely focused on other things. I didnt even have a single panic attack and my mood was normal again, sometimes even happy. I found things fun again, and had a strange sense of motivation to do things. Life was normal again.
More recently, when I finished high school for the 2 week holiday for christmas, it has returned. I dont know what triggered it because the day was fine and so was the night, but it was when it got closer to christmas eve I suddenly started getting all the bad and irrational thoughts back. On christmas eve im usually really happy, but this year I didnt feel the same inside. On the outside i probably looked normal, but all I could think of in my mind was far from normal.

I had a small panic attack that night, and from the SECOND I woke up on Christmas day, the first thing that automatically popped into my mind was these negative thoughts again. I was shaking all day and occasionally my heart rate kept getting faster and slower.
Ever since I have had the same thoughts all day long, I've had two more panic attacks. All I can say is im happy that I have my concentration back and I can focus on things. The thoughts remain but they dont affect me as much. It makes me feel constantly down and in a low mood, but it is nothing compared to the first few times.

I have read a lot of internet sites about anxiety and depression, and I have tried it all, but it doesnt help me.

The only thing that does is trying to rationalize my thoughts.

If i think im worthless, I tell myself that I have lots of friends and a caring family. If i think i am a bad person, I tell myself about the times I gave money to charity and the good things I have done for people. This calms me down but only when Im not having a panic attack, If i am then my thoughts seemed to be blocked by bad ones. After the panic attacks, I dont feel happy but I know that the entire thing is crap, and I shouldnt have to feel that way. Although i realise that the thoughts are nonsense and I can explain why they happen, I cant stop them from getting to me.

Now to the point, does anyone know how I can at least manage this? I think I have made a step forward because I am a lot more focused on other things and I dont have panic attacks as much, but I wish the constant 24/7 thoughts would go away.

I could cope with them If i knew how to lessen their effect on me.
Im sorry if this is a bit of a pain to read, I know its a bit long but I cant express it in a few sentences.

Thanks
have you tryed meditation its really good for clearing the mind its supposed to be hard at first but the more you practise and the better you get should help you control your bad thoughts and get rid all together , give it a go good luck :)

[GeneralWorrier]

Hi all Im in need of some help/advice for my anxiety/depression problems. It started earlier this month and it was horrible during the first week or two, everywhere I went or during anything I did I could only think of anxious thoughts. The thing that intensified it was that nobody did (and still doesnt) know how I felt inside. Im sure to everyone else they just saw me as normal and there was nothing wrong. I would tell my parents, but just thinking about that makes me anxious. Thats why I came here. I really want to talk to someone who feels the same way. Every night I would slowly start to feel bad, mentally and physically. I had bad stomach ache, fast heartbeat and I was badly shaking. Eventually after about 5 mins of this I would get the anxious thoughts, which kept coming over and over again. It must have took about 30-40 mins the first few times, to make it stop. The thoughts are generally about being worthless, guilty, a bad person and so on. The thing that seemed to send me crazy was that my mind kept saying things like my parents would hate me. Since then, it has got better and then worse. Oddly, on the 3rd or 4th week of experiencing it, I had a nice period of time. I rarely had bad thoughts and my mind seemed completely focused on other things. I didnt even have a single panic attack and my mood was normal again, sometimes even happy. I found things fun again, and had a strange sense of motivation to do things. Life was normal again. More recently, when I finished high school for the 2 week holiday for christmas, it has returned. I dont know what triggered it because the day was fine and so was the night, but it was when it got closer to christmas eve I suddenly started getting all the bad and irrational thoughts back. On christmas eve im usually really happy, but this year I didnt feel the same inside. On the outside i probably looked normal, but all I could think of in my mind was far from normal. I had a small panic attack that night, and from the SECOND I woke up on Christmas day, the first thing that automatically popped into my mind was these negative thoughts again. I was shaking all day and occasionally my heart rate kept getting faster and slower. Ever since I have had the same thoughts all day long, I've had two more panic attacks. All I can say is im happy that I have my concentration back and I can focus on things. The thoughts remain but they dont affect me as much. It makes me feel constantly down and in a low mood, but it is nothing compared to the first few times. I have read a lot of internet sites about anxiety and depression, and I have tried it all, but it doesnt help me. The only thing that does is trying to rationalize my thoughts. If i think im worthless, I tell myself that I have lots of friends and a caring family. If i think i am a bad person, I tell myself about the times I gave money to charity and the good things I have done for people. This calms me down but only when Im not having a panic attack, If i am then my thoughts seemed to be blocked by bad ones. After the panic attacks, I dont feel happy but I know that the entire thing is crap, and I shouldnt have to feel that way. Although i realise that the thoughts are nonsense and I can explain why they happen, I cant stop them from getting to me. Now to the point, does anyone know how I can at least manage this? I think I have made a step forward because I am a lot more focused on other things and I dont have panic attacks as much, but I wish the constant 24/7 thoughts would go away. I could cope with them If i knew how to lessen their effect on me. Im sorry if this is a bit of a pain to read, I know its a bit long but I cant express it in a few sentences. Thanks

I know how you feel, my anxiety is very similar to yours in the way I think I'm not good enough etc. Any break from school is hard because you're not going out as much and your routine has been broken that's maybe why your bad thoughts have returned.

The key thing when you're having bad thoughts and a bad spell is to think that you can get through it and feel better because you've done it before. Try and distract yourself by reading or listening to music, my mum doesn't support me so I guess it's a little like them not knowing but your first big step would be to tell your parents or seek help.

They will want to help you and if you visit your GP they may give you medication or refer you to a therapist/counsellor and it really will help you. I was in denial at first I didn't want to go I was embarrassed and ashamed but they're there to help and if it means you beating your anxiety then give it a shot :)

As for help and advice you've definitely come to the right place, we're all experiencing or have experienced what you're going through and were always here to talk to! Good luck, I hope I've helped :) take care x

[Ben3745]

have you tryed meditation its really good for clearing the mind its supposed to be hard at first but the more you practise and the better you get should help you control your bad thoughts and get rid all together , give it a go good luck :)

I have tried it before quinny, as I read it can be quite calming but I was so focused on the thoughts I couldnt clear my mind. Ill have to try it sometime again, now that im not as bad.

Thanks for your advice worrier. Nice to hear that Im not the only one.
I think the main reason I havent told anyone is because whenever I think of doing so Im usually anxious or depressed at the same time. My mind sort of tells me there is no use because I can never get the thoughts to go.

I know anxiety is different for everyone, but I have never heard of this type. Is it common?
I find I am not generally scared or depressed during the day and not even so bad at night, its just the constant bad thoughts wearing away at me. I think about it so much I cant focus and usually this is what gives me the panic attacks. Even just watching TV, when I think I am calm I get the thoughts back again and it takes over.

For me the internet is sort of like a therapist. Just talking about things and having advice is kind of soothing. I originally thought of a therapist as the last resort, but I suppose it isnt such a bad idea.

Does the medication really help?

[GeneralWorrier]

Thanks for your advice worrier. Nice to hear that Im not the only one. I think the main reason I havent told anyone is because whenever I think of doing so Im usually anxious or depressed at the same time. My mind sort of tells me there is no use because I can never get the thoughts to go. I know anxiety is different for everyone, but I have never heard of this type. Is it common? I find I am not generally scared or depressed during the day and not even so bad at night, its just the constant bad thoughts wearing away at me. I think about it so much I cant focus and usually this is what gives me the panic attacks. Even just watching TV, when I think I am calm I get the thoughts back again and it takes over. For me the internet is sort of like a therapist. Just talking about things and having advice is kind of soothing. I originally thought of a therapist as the last resort, but I suppose it isnt such a bad idea. Does the medication really help?

You're welcome, we're all here to help :)

As you mentioned later on you find the internet like a therapist for you, telling your parents/a friend/a sibling might help you in the same way. As good as the internet is as soon as you switch it off or put your phone down it can sometimes make you feel like you have nobody again. So having someone close to you close to home or in your life might help ease your anxiety and depression knowing you can turn to them straight away, as well as them looking out for you.

Everyone is different, and it's the same for anxiety. Everyone has different triggers so I guess none is really common but I have seen many posts including similar thoughts and how they feel of which you have stated.

As for when you say you can't concentrate and the thoughts are all you can think about at times you need to find and experiment with different things you can do to distract yourself. Whether that's going for a run or exercising(which is usually a big stress reliever) or going out with friends or simply talking to someone. It's all about control and trying to find methods which help you cope and eventually beat this illness.

I hated the thought of therapy and getting help but once I'd been for the first time my thoughts completely changed. They help you and give you targets, they'll guide you and help you make progress. You're the only person they're interested in and want to listen to you whenever you need to vent. Medication can certainly help if that's what you want to try, some people it works and some people it doesn't, but talking about it with your GP would be your best bet as I cannot say for certain if it will help you. :)

[Ben3745]

I'll have to look into the whole therapy thing then. Sounds like it could be helpful.

As for distractions, sometimes I can distract myself but sometimes not. Sometimes I walk my dog and I the thoughts dont cross my mind, but sometimes I cant get them out of my head. If I watch a film, sometimes I can be happy and sometimes the slightest thing might trigger my anxiety. It feels as if I am not in control of my thoughts.
But yes, it works time to time.

Although im not under any stress in my life, Im unable to relax which annoys me. Usually the most worrying thing on my mind was a test in school, but more often I had NO worries. I feel like my emotions are numb, because even when I should be comfortable and have nothing to be fearful or stressed about, I still have these thoughts. It makes me wish I just had anxiety attacks as that is something I can deal with.

All the time I just wish I could go back to before when i could be happy and have nothing on my mind, and the more I think about it the more it seems less likely.
I think I just need to start making some progress with it and that will make me realize there is still hope. If I knew things WILL get better I might snap out of it a bit more.

[jessed03]

I had the same problem as you when meditating. I'd get OCD flare ups, and my mind would just be all over the place when trying to calm it.

Using a mantra worked amazingly well. If the problem is over thinking, too much thinking, or bizarre thinking, then play to your strength, use a 'thinking' meditation :)

[BlessedMom]

I'll have to look into the whole therapy thing then. Sounds like it could be helpful.

As for distractions, sometimes I can distract myself but sometimes not. Sometimes I walk my dog and I the thoughts dont cross my mind, but sometimes I cant get them out of my head. If I watch a film, sometimes I can be happy and sometimes the slightest thing might trigger my anxiety. It feels as if I am not in control of my thoughts.
But yes, it works time to time.

Although im not under any stress in my life, Im unable to relax which annoys me. Usually the most worrying thing on my mind was a test in school, but more often I had NO worries. I feel like my emotions are numb, because even when I should be comfortable and have nothing to be fearful or stressed about, I still have these thoughts. It makes me wish I just had anxiety attacks as that is something I can deal with.

All the time I just wish I could go back to before when i could be happy and have nothing on my mind, and the more I think about it the more it seems less likely.
I think I just need to start making some progress with it and that will make me realize there is still hope. If I knew things WILL get better I might snap out of it a bit more.


Try to keep busy, and yes things will get better! I'm sorry you are experiencing these attacks they are the worst, I know. I try to keep super busy, and avoid triggers at all cost! I know what they are, but sometimes I don't avoid them. Hang tough and know we are all in a similar circumstance.

[BlessedMom]

I had the same problem as you when meditating. I'd get OCD flare ups, and my mind would just be all over the place when trying to calm it.

Using a mantra worked amazingly well. If the problem is over thinking, too much thinking, or bizarre thinking, then play to your strength, use a 'thinking' meditation :)

Oh!! I totally forgot to share this point.....I have a repetitious chant I use...I agree its powerful to redirect in a positive way with this technique :)

[jessed03]

What do you Chant BM?

I try and keep it very simple, I use the mantra 'Be Now'... Feels nice when shutting the mind down a little. After a few years doing it, I barely even think now though :)

[Ben3745]

Another thing too, related to this negative thinking. I seem to be depressed and anxious more about the past than the future. I feel worse thinking about the past, before this all happened. Every time I see a picture of myself from last month, I instantly think "thats back when I was happy" rather than "nice picture". Its like i consider myself a totally different person back then. I think more about wishing I could go back than sorting it out.

I think this is what might be the root of it. I also seem to think negatively about EVERYTHING. If I got given a cup of tea after getting home on a cold day, I wouldnt think "this is nice!", I'd think "i would have enjoyed this much more last month". If I get told Im going on holiday, Id think "whats the point if i cant enjoy it". Even opening the gifts I got on christmas day, I was thinking "i would have been a lot more happy with them last year".

I think this is the entire problem here. The panic attacks are simply a high point of my anxiety. If I could stop thinking so negatively all the time, I wouldnt be stressed at all!
Like when I wasnt depressed in the few weeks after becoming anxious, that's because I was thinking of other things. But how did I do that?

If im at home i am not particularly happy. I wasnt that happy during that time but I still didnt think bad. I think this whole thing has emerged more recently, but I cant think why.
Maybe it is because Im thinking this is the first christmas I have been depressed for, and that has lead to me thinking this is a change to my life, when In fact it is just a phase.

Also I tell myself this will never get better and I think of this month like it has been years. I think i'm expecting this to just disappear.
I think the main reason I did think of it that way was because I have never experienced this anxiety before, only sadness.