miswend
12-28-2013, 07:30 AM
I certainly have a history of embarrassing myself while very drunk. The incidents have ranged from telling a colleague she has no sense of humor, waking up with a bite mark on my breast, getting arrested and just generally acting very drunk and out of it.
A few weeks ago was my work Christmas party. I told myself that I would not get too drunk and try to go home before I made the switch- what I call the point from which I go from fun drunk to out of control drunk- it happens very quickly and is hard to predict because, well, I'm drunk. I just want to say first though, that these episodes have happened over the past 16 or so years (I'm 34 now) and these days, something bad/embarrassing happens once or twice a year and they aren't nearly as bad as the episodes in my early 20's.
Anyway, the first 3/4th of the Christmas party was fine. I said one thing stupid to someone, which I'm only slightly embarrassed about. I'm an academic and have a touch of imposter syndrome. The last 1/4th of the night was at the pub and I told a senior member of staff how bad I did on a course in my degree and now I feel so horrified and ashamed. The last thing in the pub I remember was buying a bottle of wine for the table of 6 or so people. I don't think I had any but I'm afraid I did and got too drunk because this senior member of staff and I took a cab together in the direction of our houses (I should add he went home and I went home- but I have had anxiety over imagining that I may had done something with him).
Writing this, it sounds hardly significant. It sounds just as though I had a bit too much to drink and I acted drunk but didn't do anything inordinately bad. However, for the past three weeks I've been obsessing over and imagining all the terrible things I could have done and said in the periods that I don't remember (I think the total time I don't remember is around 2 hours at the most).
I've been one vacation since then except for one day and am dreading going back in Jan. I said hello to the senior member of staff and he said hello back and I am obsessing over the way in which he said hello- like I did something embarrassing. I also saw one woman who was there in the hall way briefly and she said hello with this knowing sort of mischievous smile that I interpreted as her acknowledging my embarrassing behavior. I think I may need to go to a therapist because these unwanted thoughts are just plaguing me day in and day out. I've even been dreaming anxiety dreams about it. I can't really afford to see a therapist though.
How should I act when I go back to work? I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you.
A few weeks ago was my work Christmas party. I told myself that I would not get too drunk and try to go home before I made the switch- what I call the point from which I go from fun drunk to out of control drunk- it happens very quickly and is hard to predict because, well, I'm drunk. I just want to say first though, that these episodes have happened over the past 16 or so years (I'm 34 now) and these days, something bad/embarrassing happens once or twice a year and they aren't nearly as bad as the episodes in my early 20's.
Anyway, the first 3/4th of the Christmas party was fine. I said one thing stupid to someone, which I'm only slightly embarrassed about. I'm an academic and have a touch of imposter syndrome. The last 1/4th of the night was at the pub and I told a senior member of staff how bad I did on a course in my degree and now I feel so horrified and ashamed. The last thing in the pub I remember was buying a bottle of wine for the table of 6 or so people. I don't think I had any but I'm afraid I did and got too drunk because this senior member of staff and I took a cab together in the direction of our houses (I should add he went home and I went home- but I have had anxiety over imagining that I may had done something with him).
Writing this, it sounds hardly significant. It sounds just as though I had a bit too much to drink and I acted drunk but didn't do anything inordinately bad. However, for the past three weeks I've been obsessing over and imagining all the terrible things I could have done and said in the periods that I don't remember (I think the total time I don't remember is around 2 hours at the most).
I've been one vacation since then except for one day and am dreading going back in Jan. I said hello to the senior member of staff and he said hello back and I am obsessing over the way in which he said hello- like I did something embarrassing. I also saw one woman who was there in the hall way briefly and she said hello with this knowing sort of mischievous smile that I interpreted as her acknowledging my embarrassing behavior. I think I may need to go to a therapist because these unwanted thoughts are just plaguing me day in and day out. I've even been dreaming anxiety dreams about it. I can't really afford to see a therapist though.
How should I act when I go back to work? I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you.