Moralfe
12-26-2013, 09:33 PM
Ever since March of this year when I had my first panic attack I have had thoughts that scare me. I associated the panic attacks to my heart because I could not comprehend what was going on. I thought there must be something physical wrong with me. Everyday I would wake up and think is today the day I am going to die? I had this thought all day. I was still functioning. I went to the office and all. Then in May I had my second attack and that set me back more but this time I when I was in the hospital they ran all sorts of test on my heart and all is good. That somewhat helped but I was even more scared. I was put on propranolol to help with the anxiety. I just got off of the propranolol which by the way was making me depressed. After my second attack I began to look into what therapies would be helpful because I had some outrageous thoughts that had no evidence to back them up but I was so scared. I never understood why people say they are stressed. Now I fully understand. I never thought I was stressed. In hine sight I had the signs but did not pay attention to them. I began to feel better when I went on vacation with the family. We went to Puerto Rico for 2 weeks and I just decided for the first time in 8 years to not think about work. Those 2 weeks were so therapeutic. After I came back I noticed how emotional I was. I wanted to cry all the time. I do not know if it was the thoughts or the fact that I was frustrated about the way I was feeling. After I came back I decided to procrastinate for a while but I called the eap program from my company and they recommended a therapist. I began CBT in August and withing the first 3 to 4 sessions I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. Today I still see the therapist but mostly to let out my feelings and for some guidance on some still lingering issues. I still have the thoughts of dying but not as bad as before. I can generally dismiss the thoughts with the tools I have acquired from cbt. But there are still times I get the impending doom feelings and thoughts. I am also hyper - aware of everyrhing which I was not in the past. I also deal with alot of tension on my left trapezius and left pectoral. Sometimes it gets so bad that the pain goes down my left arm and then the thoughts begin to swirl. Sometimes I get a bit agitated and my heart starts beating fast because of the pain and thoughts but I have been able to control it. I have also notice that I usually get anxious thoughts and feelings at night. Once my mind is not occupied the thoughts begin.
anyone else feel like me? Has anyone overcome this? I can't wait until I get to the point that I can tell my thoughts and fears where to go. I know anxiety and panic run in my family. My grandmother, aunt, cousin, 3 brothers and my father have had them. One of my brothers and my aunt and cousin have had it as bad as me. I know first hand that people can get back to normal but sometimes it feels as if there is not hope.
I am sorry for such a long post but I just needed to get things off my chest. Thank you for reading.
anyone else feel like me? Has anyone overcome this? I can't wait until I get to the point that I can tell my thoughts and fears where to go. I know anxiety and panic run in my family. My grandmother, aunt, cousin, 3 brothers and my father have had them. One of my brothers and my aunt and cousin have had it as bad as me. I know first hand that people can get back to normal but sometimes it feels as if there is not hope.
I am sorry for such a long post but I just needed to get things off my chest. Thank you for reading.