EXERCISE - Last Chance or I am dead!

[Ponder]

OK guys, I feel a shift coming on. You guys have been patient with me - given my ups and downs. I want to share something about how my mental condition has been waring on my over the years with respect to my ups and downs. I'm reaching a tipping point with my weight and given I will be 45 come this February, I fear the chest pains and dizziness I am bordering on now, will come close to me having a heart attack. I only know two speeds and when I take meds that dull me down - hmmm - I find it SO hard to exercise at a rate the burns calories - plus I struggle with eating meds that slow my metabolism (double edge sword)

Where is all this coming from??? I am now the most morbidly obese I have ever been in my life - I can barely put my shoes on as well as struggle with a number of other mobility issues! With obesity comes a host of other complications that make it hard to breath and absorb vitamins and minerals - Basically, I can feel myself slowly suffocating - slowly dieing. The following pics are pretty much the cycle of how I go from up to down over the years - :

This is me at approx 105 kg - I'm now 111kg - 245lbs @ 170cm tall 5/7 - Massively Obese with a BMI of like 38+!!!

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/BeforeShots_zps0a6ce0e2.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/BeforeShots_zps0a6ce0e2.jpg.html)

Here are a few shots gauging my progress during my last exercise bout:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/overall-1.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/overall-1.jpg.html)

This is me about 2 & a half years ago at nearing the end of that bout - 42 years of age - Note the cheesy quotes -

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Phase2Shottake2.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/Phase2Shottake2.jpg.html)

OK - Reality Check:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/BeforeShots_zps0a6ce0e2.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/BeforeShots_zps0a6ce0e2.jpg.html)

I did not bring my camera with me, so just used the previous photo, which is only about several months old - the pictures pretty much cover the cycle, however as I get older - maintaining get much harder. In my peek I average a little above the BMI with weekly runs maxing out to about 70 - 80km per week with 20km long runs. (Running/Jogging) I typically burn out. I believe I already told of the story where I rode my bike without rest until the toxins in my blood nearly caused renal failure - I was picked up off the rode and spent several days in hospital and still now suffer cramps as a result.

Please excuse the vanity if it appears like so - none of my exercise bouts our focused on such goals, however I was prone to some indulgence during my up periods. Generally speaking I pretty Naive and Simple with such things. I'm just at that point I really don't care anymore - hence the recent posts with just letting it all out there. These pics I've uploaded in a few weight loss forums, however I must of really seemed quite the twit. In here - I think these illustrate well - the struggle many of us go through with our ups and downs!

Main thing is - Not being able to put my shoes on because of my huge gut - is quite debilitating - all that talk about feeling as if I am suffocating - is quite true. So it is - that I am going to back of with all my in depth, taxing posts on the meaning of life and or my analytic perceptions -

I need to start recording my weight loss attempts instead - Not with the above pics - I've made my point on that score - cards are on the table - I either make a move, or I will end up dead sooner than later.

PS - I can't write about my weight loss in such a forum, as my mental issues largely effect my physical look - I think it best if I relate both my mindset - anxiety and all that stuff in this thread with regards to actually getting back on the wagon and attempting to sweat!

Thanks for listening.
Dave.

PS - forgive the spelling - lack of 02 is also a major symptom to not focusing right - memory loss and all that. Makes my dyslexia much worse too.

[Enduronman]

Hey Bruh,

I know those (2) speeds that you mention here, but I never really recognized that in myself until now. I appreciate that realization, in fact, it seems to have caused some sort of "brain lock" persay. I guess I must also take into consideration that I allowed myself to eat foods lastnight that I had been near, but only sat, stared, and salvated all over myself, for the past 11 months. It's literally like I can't make the "connections" correctly. I'm finding that abit troubling at the moment, but I'm trying. I keep looking around here, left and right, as if I might find the part that I've seemed to misplace or maybe I set it up on the shelf? No, it's all in what I ate and what my digestive system is doing with it. It's like a fog of sort. I had to take my meds already and it's only 6 am to see if that would help, maybe in a few minutes I'll rebound. I hope.

The title subject line of yours, "Do or die". Very powerful, but then again we know as well as you the choice that you've made and you make them quickly and decisively. You've chosen life and that is a blessing in itself, and I wish to read your posted threads for many more to come. Your words intrigue and the depth at which you present is admirable, somewhat inspiring honestly. Exactly as this thread will do and not only for yourself, but for many others of us that struggle with these varying and many, mental disorders and conditions. We're all friend, brothers, sisters in here for sure. I've never been a member of anyplace quite like here, and many a member I have already been. It's a place where we can be ourselves, without fear of reprisals, and (generally speaking for myself) the words that one sits here to read are always (well, mostly from my part as I've been known to state the wrong thing a time or two out of frustration) comforting, informative, compassionate, inspiring, supportive, and mind strengthening to a point of mind/brain wave adjusting. The "energy" in here, is astounding to me and alot of us seem to ride that energy, absorb it, use it, and retain it for future use somewhat like a carb to get that last push. The storage of that energy for fuel. It seems so foreign and odd to be typing that, because we only really read, mere words on these screens but if anyone else is like me, they can "feel" them too. I found myself doing that even last night while spending the Eve of Christmas with family. I was thinking about some of our forum friends/members and how they had gone from unable to eat, unable to do anything really, unable to leave the house, to taking a walk and enjoying the streets that they have lived on for years. Walking to a park, saying hello to a stranger, taking some medications when they were once afraid, eating some food when they were once petrified of a possible result. I gain enormous amounts of energy from seeing those stories of success, thinking about and of those stories of success, feeling the emotions (I hate that word however) from those stories of success, and the happiness that it brings right along with it. It warms my heart, to be honest with you friend. And to top it all off, not one of us, personally knows, another. We share a certain and unexplained bond of brother and sisters that is mind boggling and baffling to me. Just like family, yet those bonds can be explained quite easily as being our own blood. This paragraph is merely my mind gone astray friend, so please bare with me while these chemicals in my brain begin to level out, it isn't used to them in any way, sort, or form. As you'd mentioned, the toxins are being forced out except I can't ride a bike (yet but I hopefully will again) and all I can try to do is to limit the toxic exposures as you well know of.

I do hope that you enjoyed your Christmas Eve with friends, family, or even some of our friends from here. Found strength and goodness from the gifts hidden within the Holiday itself, whether you received one or not. The gifts that I had received, are nothing in comparison to the gifts that I receive here in this forum of friends.

You had also mentioned that you has posted some of your thoughts, stories, photos, on some weightloss sites and such. Yet, for some reasons you already know what to expect in those forums and you also already know everything that they're going to say, state, and present too. In this forum, you merely wished to present your battle plans, your quest, your goals, and we're all behind you 100%. That reminds of a message that I'd received from one of our forum sisters and it merely said "Thank you for having my back" and explained how much it meant to her and how much she had acheived in a mere 5 short days. She had gone from agoraphobia to taking photos outdoors..and as much as I hate to state this, it still brings a tear to my eye although I'll fight it like someone has just touched one of my young. I have already shaken that off, or I would have gone horribly off track, my apologies bruh.

I want you to know that if there is even the tiniest or smallest question that you may have about health, nutrition, vitamins, (some medications), supplements, timing, excercise, whatever, then I just want you to know that I'm here for ya man. I was once able to do what I thought to be some pretty amazing things in the gym at age 44. I won't go into that, you've seen those stories before I take. I had replaced many bad addictions, for one that I thought, I truly loved. Yes, I was obsessive about it, to a point where as I would take my own foods to Holiday gatherings and of course, my family would just raise their eyebrows at me and then asks as to why?..I was ate up with it bruh. I honestly wanted to be, look, feel, like I was someone else. I had an idol, and by all accounts, I still do but I will never be able to attain that want again. (so they say)....You know how to do this, all of this, as you've done it before and you also don't lack in self-disipline in any aspect or regard whatsoever. Your before and after photos proove that, confirm that, 100%. And you also know that it is your nature to "push it too hard" to a point of physical exhaustion and potential health failure as you'd stated with your running and jogging. I am like that as well, I want it now, and I usually always got it now too. If I had learned any single one thing through this health faillure of mine, it is patience, and that is something that I had never had before in my entire life. It wasn't a word that I hated or disliked (like emotion is, but I'm working on that) it was a word, sense, and feeling that I just didn't have. Full speed ahead, or sitting atop a rock looking down, were all I knew. Not real sure why I was supposed to learn patience yet, but that was part of what I was to learn anyway.

You had also mentioned the "letting it all out there" posts in this thread. Yes, you did, but that particular and specific topic drew out the deepest of thoughts and emotions within you and I knew that your fingers were moving at blazing speeds or at least as quickly as they possibly could. Those moments, events, circumstances, do have the ability to do just as they did when one has lived through those very experiences. I call it "The Blind Side" response. Reason being I once watched a movie with my kids called just that and there was a scene in that movie that caused a sudden, immediate, and what must have appeared to be somewhat violent response from me in front of my three children. I took the DVD out and said "Do not ever watch that again" but I wanted to destroy the TV itself, as if it was the fault of either of those technological advances at all. It obviously isnt', it was my fault for being where I was, and living out that (1) scene, where I was mere tenths of a second away from losing my life. If by chance you ever watch it, you'll know the exact scene I am referring too. Someone mentions, "yer Momma is". I find myself doing that, all the time just reading into someone elses story, presentation, words on this screen. It's like some sort of weird "trance" like effect. And it is because I lived that, I did that, I was that, I experienced that, I thought that, I saw that,..so in response, the viewer of course receives a "here's what I see and here's what seemed to work" to dig myself out of that hole that I suddenly found myself in, as quickly as possible and here is what I have learned from that too. Yes, I struggle with the same ups and downs as you do yet our particular struggles do not resemble any others in this site or forum, as of yet, and I am referring to the "places" that we have been and the things that we'd been forced to see and experience too..that were caused by our own very hand. See how easily it is for me to get thrown off track bruh? Then,...pull myself back out. In any event, I'm right there with ya man. Truthfully, honestly, and I have to work on things too and it is daily.

You are exactly where you need to be to posts your results, photos, hardships, struggles, ups, down, sideways, this, that, and the others our forum friend. WE understand all of this, WE are where you are. And I look forward to reading them too. I admire your skills as a Wordsmith..

I appreciate this honesty and willingness to share this with is, openly, and straight forward, I also don't like to beat around any bush either.

Merry Christmas Dave.

Thanks for writing this.
Chris.

PS: Forgive my general directional shifts, as I literally have no idea what this is even going to look like with the exception of the three lines above me now..

[alankay]

I manage weight well at 50 but I think it goes back to attention to basics. First rule out a metabolic issue(thyroid, testosterone, etc) then go to a diet of mostly unprocessed foods(fruits, veggies, some whole grains) and just enough lean protein to support that lean tissue.
If you are on an AD which one? Certain ones can make you eat more. Others not so much.
In my experience exercise is only half of the equation at best. Diet is even more important. No need for extremes just try and get the max nutrition and satiation via a diet based largely on fruits, veggies, and some whole grains which minimizes calories. Start there and count calories if needed. Shoot for maybe 1500-1700 and give it some time. I feel better with a good diet and a fair amount of fruits and veggies along with some whole grains(oatmeal) and that is with respect for/to anxiety, mood and physical "wellness" and energy.
Work with nature, not against it. PM any time and Merry Christmas to you Ponder. Alankay

[Dahila]

Dave you are my inspiration, I need to do what you do. I really do. Diets do not work if there is ongoing problem. I decided to push my GP to refer for additional test for the thyroid. My blood tests come allright but I had heard that it is not always accurate.

Alankay you're maybe right, but not likely. Counting calories does not good. The killer are meds which cause the weight gain + age == obese.
Veggies yes-when they are organic (is there anything organic anymore?) or from a good source. Fruit; it is almost impossible to get good fruit which does not have 50 pesticides or more on it. I do not touch junk food, no MC ***ing Donald for me ever, and I am still obese. I do not touch any products made with corn or corn syrop and extecera. I quit smoking, I gained some, I lost some then I got panic attacks every day. I am on meds no panic attacks but the weight....

Dave thank you for this thread, it is a pleasure to see you posting, and find your posts.

Thank you.
I bet you inspire people more than you think

[alankay]

Well nevertheless limiting caloric intake to below what you burn will result in weight loss. Alankay

[Ponder]

Guys - Thank You very much :)

E-man - thanks for that Xmas Pressy! You brought a tear to my eye. Imagine that - Mate, I can't tell you how well received it was to read your reply. It is a great forum hey - so many strong people - much stronger than we all know. I re-read your response more than a few times, as much comfort I found in it. I don't want to just ask you, but invite you as well as any other to "The exercise Thread" to share what you know, what works for you and may another. Of course, no pressure.

Like already how alankay and Dahila reveal import information, I think is great. Thanks Guys ;) ... I could not find a specific "exercise" thread - if you know where is, we could have a go in there.

I leave this one now, as am happy for the encouragement received - and would like to make another for others to have a go as well.

Thanks guys - and again E-man - very very heart felt words to me. Muchly appreciated ... very much so.