Gerascophobia

[mikecole114]

Hello

Now suicide is a subject most don't like to talk about but I would like to take the time to talk about it

First of all I would like to say I'm now nicely balanced on my pills and aren't feeling suicidal at all.

But here is somthing I have been thinking about. I think I want to die from suicide not now or any time soon but way in the future. I'm terribly scared of old age and the illnesses that bring I've already decided that come the point where I can't function as myself anymore I don't want to live. I want to decide when and how I die instead of fate deciding under that bus or cancer or at other horrific way to die. Surely it's more positive to decide to die before you start shitting your pants and forgetting your family members? I'm incredibly conscious of how I will be remembered and I recently had a grandmother pass away she was horribly ill for a long time and had dementia. Now all I can remember of her is the woman who would stare blankly at me and repeatedly ask who I am. I don't want my family to remember me like that. I want to remember my grandmother for the kind, active and compassionate person she was not the empty shell of the woman illness made her...
I was just wondering if anyone eles understood where I came from with this point of view please feel free to rip me and tell me I'm stupid if that's what you think.

Merry Xmas

[NeverToo...Fear]

Firstly, glad you have a good balance on the pills and you are not feeling suicidal at all.. that's great!

Now on to your points.. I actually agree with you on this. Maybe it's because I had a Grandmother that I had to watch wither away over the course of 8 long years. So I know what it feels like to see someone who I once knew as a lovely person, turn into something completely different and empty.. she wasn't the same person. And seeing that and knowing who she was, well, it is scary as shiit that that can happen to someone.. maybe even to myself when I get that old.. hopefully it won't happen to you, like what happened to your Grandmother, but you never know.

There's not much quality of life anymore when you look at how you put it, "Shitting your pants and forgetting your family members" I don't think I wish anyone ever to have to live like that-- or have someone see a person like that.

It might just be a good idea to meet death on your own terms when that time comes, if you know when that time comes, that is;.. perhaps go skydiving and "forget" that parachute..

But for now, have a good Christmas, Mike.. :)