Massive Scary Panic!

[guy_lafleur23]

Hi everyone, I know it's long but please read on, I feel like i need to share my story, and hear yours, hopefully you can relate on some level, just so i don't feel alone about panic attacks!
I encourage every person who reads this to post their own story about anxiety/depression/panic attacks/insomnia etc. make sure you stick the details in... i'd like to hear about what it is that made you join this forum.

I don't know about everyone else but i'm trying hard to better understand what anxiety is and it's symptoms, aswell as how to treat it.
I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... when i saw my father die at 54 years old, from one massive heart attack, 2 days after x-mas last year 2006... i couldn't save him despite my CPR efforts. I'm 23 years of age, I feel like i was robbed of a great bonding relationship with my dad... it felt like i was just starting to become a man, following in his footsteps to being an electrician. Just as our father/son relationship started reaching new heights, he died on me. I can't and will never forget that night... and i'm ok with that, i just want to be able to look back on that night and not have it turn my stomach or make my heart race and send me into a spiral of severe panic attacks.
I've suffered many many panic attacks in the past year... I always think their is something wrong with my heart and i feel like i'm going to die everytime... words can't explain how scary it is. My best comparison to a panic attack to someone who hasn't had one would be almost like your about to slip off a cliff and as adrenaline and fear overwhelm every inch of your body, the thoughts of immenant death run through your mind, lastly you see flashes of your family grieving over your death and all the people you'll miss so much... but then at the last second you gain control and secure yourself back on flat land.
It's the most surreal feeling and it happens all to often 2-3 sometimes 5 times a week. I'm even more discourage because it seems Doc. don't care too much about mood disorders because they don't see them as serious problems... but i think they are... it may not be cancer or aids but it sure cripples your everday normal life. Some people say panic attacks is scarier than actually dying. I'm on Lorazepam, 1mg per night for the last year... i don't take anti-deps... don't really want to.. i figure lorazepam will bridge me over until i get better. I deal with severe insomnia... can't sleep, never... i get to bed around 2 am - 3am wake up at 6am for work... sometimes i work 12 hour days and i'm still not tired. I'm at the end of my rope with this... I've seen 4 different councilors 7-8 different doctors in the last year and all I've discovered is how little we know about how to treat anxiety and depression. So i come here to share my story and hear others... because to me this is one of the best meds i could take... knowing someone else feels this type of pain in some way shape or form... knowing i'm not alone... because when i look at the medical perspective... i feel alone... like nothing can help me, i'm on my own to fix this... it's a long road even though councilors have told me Post traumatic stress disorder doesn't last long and is not that severe in the big shceme of things.
something to take note about, I tried one anti-depressant for 3 months... it was called EFFEXOR... well the side effects were so severe i couldn't handle it...
Feel free to post your story, i would like to hear from you. Thank you for reading!

[Bear123]

I feel your pain. I'm 24 and I've been suffering from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and panic attacks almost my whole life. When I was very young I didn't know what they were, and I ended up missing a ton of school, always going hom sick. I started to recieve treatment when I was in 5th grade, and I only went for a summer and I swear I was cured! Once I found out that it was panic attacks, and I wasn't really going to puke allover the place or die- I was fine! I was panic attack free for many years probably because I never thought about my anxiety. Now that I'm older and I know what panic attacks are, they seem harder to control. I know it's all in my head, that I'm not in danger, I'm not going to die, and the feeling won't last forever, but it still consumes my thoughts. Now I have anxiety about getting anxiety attacks... wow... the mind works in mysterious ways. Sometimes I feel as though I'm trapped in my own head, I can't concetrate on anything else but my own worrisome thoughts. It feels like an extrememly lonely place considering no one is in your head but you. I feel like it's a constant fight sometimes between my rational and irrational minds. It's definately an awful thing to have to deal with, but in the end, it's all up to you to control. One thing I am going to try soon is meditation. I just purchased an A.M. & P.M. meditation DVD and I'm going to see if that helps. I'm at really stressful point in my life (finishing college, about to start student teaching and then on to a career) and sometimes I just want my brain to shut up! Meditation is a good way to do that. I'll let you know how it goes.