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Ponder
12-22-2013, 12:30 AM
From Sniffing Speed to Sniffing Flowers -

LOL - Now that's a journey! Prison Rehabilitation or Off with the Pixies? -> Pixies Please! Major Epidemic with prisons overflowing across the world; It would seem people think they are a good places to learn life's lessons, the place where troubled soles should take up courses, written by those more able individuals; so well placed to make life decisions. So effective such leaders they be, that one wonders at the need for so many prisons?

Allow me to sniff the flowers and give you an inside view - to such a great place that "he needed to be!"

Eat or be Eaten -> There stands the dog that ratted me in - in it comes after all that bagging I did for having me slammed in. Others look, waiting but more so telling -> watchyagona do watchyagona do to the blue eyed, blond haired boy that ratted on you! Someone's little boy just like you.

Familiar Tune, that they play on the TV - Bad Boys Hey -> War stories and glorification for little children and old alike to tickle their fetish. What a sick world that seeks to feed off the misery of others. To justify the misery of others!

So it is, that two others who for whatever reason cling to me, enter his cell, one on each side of me - I stare at this rat, with all the rage and poise I can muster - I feel a sense of disgust in me, yet also exhilaration - for the trembling fear that so enveloped the cell.

I wonder how the energy lingers in such a place! - You see the thing is, I've never really looked at myself as a bully and had always up till that point sort to make a stand against such thugs - Sad reality is how quick such can change when is such a learning facility.

No need to go on with what happened next! - What's important is to understand the turmoil of how such can render a human quite short circuited for the rest of their life. This is what people do not want to learn - they would much prefer to hear the sordid details of suffering rather than identify with the sickness of our minds and how it is what happens when blending such sick soles in close proximity. It is more common that people will come out much worse than before they went in - especially those that are in for "Oh nothing like that!"

Where do I go from here - perhaps my own fear - from frightened little fish scaring others to one that's hooked and quivering in the cells of others!

I remember well one episode during process at Golbourn Jail - I was trying to roll a smoke which brought the attention of about all others to watching my fingers shake and tabaco fall onto the floor as I just stood thier and kept rolling my cigarette with nothing in it. Man talk about fish for the taken! Well there was no wing offered up for protection in this case as it was in others - this time the big bloke standing closet to me, injected that same fear I did with the rat back in the other place! (Bogger Road - now closed) - Then comes the time for stripping down - taking your clothes off for processing like jews before the gas chambers. Of course some may say no comparison (I take my Jewish heritage with a grain of salt - a lesson still no learned) - the processing guys are prisoners themselves and are relentless at pointing, and biting back - I thought I was tough, but the indignity of such sticks deep in me and possibly the most inhuman feeling of all I suffered. You get used to the shower block - that is after your left walking and not chewed up as all that fear mongering would think you be the target at every call out and or next turn.

I ended up pulling myself together in the weight room - I knew I would do good at that, and gravitated towards others as they did to me. I was saddened to see others come in as I did, however they simply just did not have the grain to withstand the sickness of the human mind in such a "well educated rehabilitating place" It's not the rape or bashings that tear a man down, but the constant state of fear - that will plague the XP - AKA Ex Prisoner with ongoing mental instability. How the fuck I have managed to keep a grip I am only just beginning to see. Oh, I am quite fucked up - and it plays hugely into why now - society is footing the bill AKA mentally rubber stamped due to disfunctionality amongst the clean and well equipped types.

Believe me - you will eat your words, if you think prison is the place for your boy to be! Thankfully - after much therapy and self determination - I made it back over most bridges to forgive my mothers mistakes as too my own.

However I will never sit by and listen to people talk of the prison experience as some kind of opportunity to of learned the golden rule of acceptability!

Bonds can be made in prison, but such they are that they will despise much of this authority that claims such pain to be justified for the benefit of the majority. However all kinds of solidarity are soiled with the human mind, greed and other forms of corruptibility - I ride with building on strengths and looking deep within - it's always been in me and indeed, kept me from being consumed within such a learned place of rehabilitation - rolls eyes -

I don't like war storied that glorify the spectacle like they do with the latest Prison or Cop stories with people sitting in thier chairs thinking whatever it is - that feeds them such superfiscal content!

Yet another story that I pick like a petal and toss to the wind and watch it flow - I don't know - perhaps reactionary to a post of another - Lifes lessons - should of it been right that I was subject to such misery for failing to be the man that bent his knee...hmmm...that rightouse BS that sends soldiers to kill others only to return and press the trigger one final time and never again - Pfffft ... All for the authority of some illusionary being - the elites that puppet those imprinted to be living in the past and future, so no one dares to question the current state of being - or that fact, that no one really lives until they comply, do as expected or follow the lead.

I say fuck it all - the flowers smell nice - I'll stick with those and anyone else who's off with the pixes! Uneducated they call me - useless wasted life - a burden that now sucks the economy - they say lots of things, but do nothing to teach, other than keep building prisons for the lesson they say needs to be taught. How bout we grab the teachers, wrap them up, throw them with the big fish and watch them swim? LOL - just a thought, but thinking is bad for me - best get back to smelling the roses.

PHEW ---- another day without the anitdpesants - energy is returning - time to get more done. No editing this - just a little maybe - It's just a little of my story - but like I said - not into the frazel dazzel - just sharing as I think it ought to be.

wishing you well - I am at times up and down - I said once before such things a deeply seeded in me - perhaps such revaluations may make those who still want to be friends understand. Friends by the numbers a really overrated! I much prefer a small number that are damaged but forgiving like I want to be.

Peace Out - or whatever best grabs thee ..

Ponder
12-22-2013, 12:33 AM
OH YEA ... that flower ... My mindfulness flower for the day - took it a while back - but it really is amazing just how when we shut out the static, how right life can seem :)

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8483/8242473759_9a3f429918_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/8242473759/)
Midday Summer Sun (http://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/8242473759/) by L_Plate_Dave (http://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

This one is my Avatar re - done in photshop:
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7210/7109361423_74f08c80fb_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/7109361423/)
Dandelion Seed crop (http://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/7109361423/) by L_Plate_Dave (http://www.flickr.com/people/71988794@N08/), on Flickr

Adios

Ponder
12-22-2013, 02:29 AM
You know, if I could add any sense to this - for me, it would be to grab the inner coals that never seem to burn out - reignite and shake off all the tags, shame, guilt and BS pretentious baggage others would have us carry - I'm almost there! It's often what I need to get the stove burning. I really don't't think there is space for growing old in such a plastic world - burn out does not seem such a bad thing in retrospect - being pacified is such a wasted life. Hmmmmmmmmmmm - it's amazing how things can smoulder when we don't turn and run for cover. A few more dizzy spells for me yet, another week or so, and I can see if it's possible to get moving on the heavier meds.

I had a friend once who kept running till he died - and they say you got to keep moving forward. That was the British soldier whom introduced me to growing food! If you find my Blogs in my profile under my web page, I think?- you can read more about how I was introduced into gardening. Thing about these so called lessons of life, is that the real lesson comes with compassion; NOT enforced beliefs and ideals of those that profess to know what it best.! Woof Woof !

Ponder
12-22-2013, 06:42 AM
arrrrr, not so creative now - huh? Yep - such is the stigma. Dave the criminal!
Dave the Homeless intersting - but PRISON - Oh My!

Crimes:
*Recieve of stolen goods
*Selling stolen goods
*16 Break & Enters
*Resist Arest
*Assault Police Officer
*Trespassing
*Auto Theft
*Possesion of ilegal drugs
*Possesion of car stealing implament (poper straw LOL)
*Possesion of drug taking implament (alfoil Rolls eyes)
bla bla bla ...
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One way to rob someone from defaming you is to simply tell them who you are. One way to see if someone is genuine about being your friend, is to tell them who you are.

Oh I was not inside for killing anyone - I just use to take drugs and steal from people - Pfffffft - yea right. How many people did I know that killed people, guilty by assosiation? Hmmmmm - where does the buck stop?
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Why be so open - here's the thing - I'm more pissed at profiling people make of others in order to take measure. If I am really able to let go - then why not just drop the experiance for what it was - why hold back to make the plot more colorful for others - I am my own audiance - not here to make so many friends as one may think - what is the scope of ones worth if not the measure of his past and ability to contribute! HHmmm what is the point - if not to bow down and give in to another's way - in order to find acceptance.

How far is one willing to go in order to escape the pain - self prostitution ? -mugging - ? - Vigilanty beatings and or homophobic stigmatised bashings? - bla bla bla - drug induced mania day to day living -

Just how much exposure can one sustain to the constant high stress living - what is the real measure to ones mental illness other than the extreme outburst often required before some overated, over paid doctor who knows nothing of your case, dares to make some great claim based on the tellings of such and such and the credientials of such such school.

Why the revertion to the same ol same old - but its never the same tellings - telling and telling and telling is what it is - digging deep to drop the canvas for the next telling until there is no more story to tell! --- everyone is looking for another saga - another illness - another fix - The quacks keep comming up with more - like the lables people use to paint with - what color will come next - all the transparent and soft natural filters are now swaped for a more dynamic and stimulus sensation to feed the new evolving imagination of a populous seeking to live with bluer skies, reder soils, and each to thier own spotlight with a show all to thier own- AKA The digital era!

Good luck with that - ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz I'll stick with the rap sheet. - to keep others at bay! I'll play my part - for the act is much easier than the pain it takes to struggle. Tar me - Brand me - whatever - I'm going off to fish - next plan it to re-hash the angels in odour story (re - drunks under the bridge) Some old people that looked after me and taught me a thing or two about living on the streets - perhaps a little more encouraging, although the stench of urine will quickly refocus such sentiments.

Untill next post -

Enduronman
12-22-2013, 04:40 PM
It appears as if I had the same addictions as you once did...and now look at us. We're trapped in this tiny little box. Lemmee outtaaa here!!.

It's better than the alternative however,..this is still freedom friend.

And I vowed never to return to those "ways"...

I must read this again, and thank you for sharing this inlet too..

Chris..(aka..whatever new name I get in the forums tomorrow)..LOL! :)

Ponder
12-22-2013, 05:01 PM
all good Chris and thanks for your reply - much appreciated - just a bit of much needed distraction for me. Take Care and have a good evening friend. ;)

Enduronman
12-22-2013, 05:14 PM
Yes, everything all in its place and as you stated, a much needed distraction of powerful and positive proportions (unlike the other places we know and I swear I can still hear that (1) dumba** screaming all friggin night long, for no reason whatsoever)..

Be well friend and check in again tomorrow too! (unsure of your time zone, 6pm here)...

Make it a great evening Dave...

Chris..:D

Dahila
12-22-2013, 05:36 PM
As I said before suffering is sensless, misery does not teach you a lesson, it introduce more pain. Now Dave , I understand you better, (are we ever able understand another human being) at least I hope so.
Must give you a hug for the flowers, this is what i needed today.
Enduronman is more or less twelve hours.
Dave I hope you have a beutiful day :)

Ponder
12-22-2013, 11:36 PM
Hi Dahila - LOVE THE AVATAR!!!!! Is that you on that bike?

I hope you don't' mind if I elaborate on your comment about suffering and said lessons? I am coming to learn or perhaps see for a better word, that suffering does have it's place in the universe. I just came back from an interesting walk with my mp3 and podcast on just a thing. It made me think about Dave the Criminal - Dave the Homeless - Dave the Rock Star and all my other ego centric identities. :)

It made me think - Why on earth did I write up such a post? I'm glad I did! Hmmm - There is a point in which suffering can open doors. Perhaps if I could align to the context in which you speak, I would say that suffering should never be sort in order to find such an enlightened path -> although it's not uncommon for some ideologies to take such a route. It's like we should not wish such misery on another as some kind of lesson to make one grow - in fact the act of growth to me, is not something that should be shrouded with positive emotion, as doing such creates the drama when our end comes. Hmmmm -> mouth full that did not come out quite right. You've heard me talk before about invested emotions - this is a little on that.

Predispositions (long family history of suffering and perpetual resentments. Also seen in the collective suffering - pain body - residual pain ) require some people to bare more weight, than another - before the ego gives in. Before an individual will let go. In that regard, I think suffering has it's place.

I do not just write about depressive events for the sake of poor me - I attempt to exercise what it is I learn from the self help methods that I feel work for me. No doubt I slip and fall into self pity, however making the effort to keep focusing as best I can - slowly helps me to awaken and let go.
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I was just saying to Lee Grant - how I'm more attracted to also letting go of both Happiness and Sad. Comes back to that emotional investment in which I have been unable to explain. I really enjoyed sitting down on the park bench today - perhaps it was cheating a little because I had an author chatting in my ear on such topics that help to keep me grounded - however, it is without a doubt that I felt OK - not happy, not Sad - I was totally at peace with just being OK. The more I adopt not to play into being positive as in UP - that level in which the Ego seeks to reach for a height in which brings Happiness - the more I give up such quests, the more I am able to become aware - to see the birds, to even SEE the breeze like light reflected from all the living things - at this point as I make my way back home, I completely let go of my self conciseness and begin to raise my head to see the same breeze I did when on the bench. I am now experiencing that state of being, that my breathing and focus brings to me, but now doing so whilst walking amongst that otherwise triggers - my Ego would rather have me see.

Hence - such is the reward for being so open and letting go - of both what others may see as Depressive - and what is commonly referred to as ones story!
Not easy - but quite liberating - With practice I am able to remove myself from the "Argument" we often seek and or encounter - no doubt react less and learn more by being the observer. Nothing morbid about that! :)

Enduronman
12-23-2013, 06:09 AM
"I am coming to learn or perhaps see for a better word, that suffering does have it's place in the universe. Why on earth did I write up such a post? There is a point in which suffering can open doors. Require some people to bare more weight, than another. Before an individual will let go. In that regard, I think suffering has it's place. I attempt to exercise what it is I learn from the self help methods that I feel work for me."
__________________________________________________ _____________________________________________

"I was totally at peace with just being OK. I am now experiencing that state of being."

"Hence - such is the reward for being so open and letting go. Ones story.
Not easy - but quite liberating Nothing morbid about that"! :)

This is the exact reason behind why I type about my issues, experiences, events, problems, and also the good, great, and exciting things that take place near daily, in this life. Self-Help-Therapy...Some read it, some don't, but that isn't even really the point. The point is, to get it out and words typed, expressed, presented, are much more powerful than words spoken, tossed, or lofted into mid air...We can always go back and review here..

Powerful work here friend!..."Load lightening", calming, and somewhat deliberating all at one time...

Yes, I would not be here, if I were not punished and suffering for my actions, behaviors, and crimes against humanity....why stop, when one enjoyed it?.....

Have a great day bruh!

Seasons Greetings to you...

Chris, TAH :)

Dahila
12-23-2013, 09:11 AM
Yes it is me on bike, I love my bike and this is the moment I was happy. Nothing makes me happier than moving fast hehehe.
Suffering, everyone suffers and everyone suffers with all kinds of pain. I went through suffering and misery in my life and I am not sure i learned anything from it. I still think it was unnecessary barrier, when a bit happier life maybe would let me grow and be the person I always wanted to be.
I admire you guys, talking about your life, it is not easy. When I feel pain I hide, and keep quiet. It is the method I found the easiest for me. The pain eventually will go away, maybe not all but some. Life again will be liveable...
Dave you got a lot in your life so does Chris, I think I just listen now.....

Enduronman
12-23-2013, 09:23 AM
Let it our dear Dahlia!....and help, assist, support others (even if your not a Dr.) because it brings their spirits up which in turn = A happier you! (I know, it makes no sense but it's true doll)...

Make it a great day friend!

E. :)

Ponder
12-24-2013, 02:58 AM
Hi frankiecfc - a separation of the two is what the world needs, however instead - the so called "well equipped" seek to punish those beneath them in order to justify their own agenda. Any sense of peace that comes to me, is far removed from the ideology of the human collective in all its forms.
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I have not quite finished with the sordid details that twist in my mind - the images of law enforces rambling on camera acting as judge and jurors instead of just making the arrest and moving on reminds me of just how much more damage these ideals make this world stink. People sitting in their soft recliner chairs, passing judgment on the screaming children whilst Super Nanny suddenly gives her verdict as if to confirm weather we got it right or wrong. How about Wife swap where the Christian Mother banishes the children's toys and the Devil worshiper scares the bejesus out of the others. Make Over where no expense is spared to make someone feel worse than they already are, however the answer is to stretch their face back over their hair and lash out on some diamond rings, roll out the red carpet and finally receive the approval of their loved ones. Oh but wait there is more, how about we teach the 4 year olds to compete for money and trophy's - dress them up in raunchy outfits, call them sassy and have them do the latest soft porn dance as pop has now become and whilst they dance mum and dad can pray to Jesus for blessings and success - All of this caught on camera to insight the acting and rev up the conditioning - to teach right from wrong - to make us feel as we are the judges, the ones in control -

Only in America goes the saying - but no, their so called success post WWII now infects the world all over. A superficiality coated in Coca-Cola. Probably not what my american friends would like to hear or even worse, I be despised for my opinion. People need not worry about the pessimistic ramblings of another in forums like these - they ought to write long and hard about what it is that drives them into the ground instead of pine over the writings of others. But to do so often alienates - so people instead gravitate to writing about nice fluffy little things that entice a tingly feeling down the back ... LOL ... SEE -> it can in fact be quite laughable to pull such out of the Hat -

This is my post to stand against the word PUNISH - for what a joke it is that humans claim such an act to be within their Authority blessed with words such as right and wrong - Pfffft - What a stage this world has become to launch itself into homes with an agenda that none shall go untouched - just as they claim each and everyone will have the chance to make a the right or wrong choice before the great hammer hits the bench and judgment be past.
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No doubt that ramble a little obscure - but I am readying to make a post on the damage Religion Has Done and is Doing - Why should such sectors be taboo - that one - in great need for me to move on.

Be seeing you soon ;)