I'm all over the place.

[Dorriegirl25]

Hey all. I hope all is at least halfway ok, NOT like I am right now. I am all over the place with my emotions. Up, down, sideways, backways, forward, Etc... I'm going to the Dr. soon, because what I'm taking is not helping. I AM very depressed, because my son in his early 20's, who is my whole heart, and not for something heinous, is in jail right now. He developed an alcohol problem over some issues in his life, and got very down to his lowest point, and got a DUI, and then tried committing suicide. He's been in for a few months, and believe it or not, it was what he needed, because he sounds like a different person now. Well, getting back to himself. The whole family adores him, and is sad, but I think it's not just that, that's going on with me. I take Pristiq, Lamictal, and Klonopin, and still crying all the time. One minute I'm in an ok mood, and then snap..another. I hate this. My mind feels like its playing tricks on me. I just don't feel right at all. Help? Dorrie

[SamC]

I think what you are experiencing is pretty much normal feelings to anyone who has a son/daughter in jail or who is having problems, you are a parent worrying is perfectly normal just with anxiety/depression sufferers that feeling is often very much heightened.

I would try speaking to someone close to you, you may find speaking about how you feel helps relieve those feelings you are having. Also try to look at the positive things, yes he is in jail but it is helping him and he is safe in there and hopefully he will have got the help he needs, you need to focus on being strong for him and as long as he is safe and is ok try not to worry too much for him as worrying can really trigger bad mood swings. Talk to him as much as possible it may put your mind at ease that hes ok and try to find an outlet, go out and do something you enjoy, maybe it will help life your mood.

I think you are right to go speak to your doctor and get your meds checked as they could be causing mood swings as a side effect but really i think you just have a very stressful situation at the moment and what you are feeling is probably perfectly normal so try not to worry too much.

I hope you feel better soon :)

[Enduronman]

Hey all. I hope all is at least halfway ok, NOT like I am right now. I am all over the place with my emotions. Up, down, sideways, backways, forward, Etc... I'm going to the Dr. soon, because what I'm taking is not helping. I AM very depressed, because my son in his early 20's, who is my whole heart, and not for something heinous, is in jail right now. He developed an alcohol problem over some issues in his life, and got very down to his lowest point, and got a DUI, and then tried committing suicide. He's been in for a few months, and believe it or not, it was what he needed, because he sounds like a different person now. Well, getting back to himself. The whole family adores him, and is sad, but I think it's not just that, that's going on with me. I take Pristiq, Lamictal, and Klonopin, and still crying all the time. One minute I'm in an ok mood, and then snap..another. I hate this. My mind feels like its playing tricks on me. I just don't feel right at all. Help? Dorrie

I posted for you in another thread made by Friday13...Please read it...:)

[Ponder]

Unless you have been in Jail, I don't think you can really comment on how safe he actually is, - Been there done that .- I understand the Stigma and need for people to emphasise or justify why such and such is IN - Very Sad for me to read it like that. The fact that you felt the need to say that, kind of plays right into it as well as yourself.

Hi how are you - My name is David and I have been in a few prisons. Any chance of a job - People are not going to care why you were in prison or why your son was in prison. The end judgement will be the same. There is really only two ways one can go in prison - you either play along and hope you don't't get eaten, or you pretend your better and get eaten. As for "it was what he Needed!" Hmmmmm - seeing this is a public forum, I will speak for those of us, who it was said "it was what was needed!"

He is not out yet - anything can still happen - rape - beatings - and more so - the daily mind games of living in continual fear - a fear that none of you could ever know, unless you had to experience it yourself and then you live with it for 24/7 intense headaches, shaking, indignity liken no one should ever suffer - the weight of societal blame and shame - For some people they either become the rapist of the one the gets raped.

Of course he might be in a soft prison run by some church based group or other do gooder privatised mob, however you'll never want to wish a general population prison on anyone. Fanciful notions of a rehabilitation are about as hypocritical as telling someone they are going to hell because they did not jump on board.

I would of stayed out of this thread if it was not for the comments :at least he is safe in there" & "it was what he needed" Honestly - this is why people who have been tarred would not set foot in a place like this - I think people that make comments like that, would do well to be imprisoned themselves - and go through what it is that you think it is that will drive them to become little angels, compliant happy little soles.

My brother was sheltered with such cotton wooling, whilst I lived in the gutter "where I needed to be" LOL --- Those little statements only work when the individual can say it themselves! --- You can only speak for yourself - keep focusing on your Son and thinking for him like that, and he will remain the little lost child that drinks ...

Just you you may claim that prison is the lesson he need to bear, then I will say my response whilst seemingly bitter - is just what the doctor ordered for you. Bitter sweet I guess.

Trigger - "He is safe in Prison AND Its what he needed" I rarely talk as if I know my kids or claim to say I know what is best for them. I assume only and doing such is also riddled with holes. Fact - my daughter cuts, Fact - she cuts deep and low - but for me to suggest ....... to be continues ...

[Ponder]

...for me to suggest I know what she needs in order to learn or grow --- well that's not really for me to say. Only she can learn that. We should look at our own problems, before even attempting to tell someone else story that we think we know. More often than not, we don't't now and to pretend we do is BS ... we can only speak for ourselves.
Best of luck with your meds - hope you can sort out your own issues - and I hope if your kid ever makes it to a self help forum, he does not come across the same trigger as I did with you - "Its what he needed" and to the other guy "at least he is safe in there"

I'll do a post on prison a bit later - to shatter such illusions.

David Kynaston.

[Ponder]

I've been thinking about deleting my responses in here - and or suggesting the ignore feature. I think I will leave it - as I don't mean ill of you. For sure I have been triggered reading such - I acknowledge that already, however I do not wish to be viewed as still the sick individual in need of more jail time.

None the less, my wife seems to imply this will be the view - and that your more in need of someone that can comfort you. I always seem to take the painful route, but only when I think there is no other way around. Your post reminds me of my own mum, although your are not her - Now I am inspire to write.

Thank you and again, may you find the comfort you seek. Just because people have different view points, does not make it any less or more meaning full - like although, like your son - he too be on the other side of the fence - I like to believe I feel some of your pain. In that you have my condolences. My mum and I are good friends now - is all I can say.

sryy for reacting - I leave my responses all the same.

[Dahila]

I would not be me if I did not voice my opinion on it. First of all Dorrie I feel for you. I know you are hurting, it is your son, your baby. Only mothers who were in such situation can understand you. Only people who went through hell in jail can feel for you. I hope you both will survive it. People do not be judgmental, please you have no idea what life is planning for you.
Jail is awful, not doubts here. Jails are full of people they do not belong there, because the society is build this way. You got money you do not go to jail, you do not have it , you go there.
Someone very close to me spend 100 days in jail because someone lied. I did not help him that after 100 days in hell without the language, the charges were dismissed.

Dorrie you have us and talk to us. This forum is for people who are lost sometimes.
I do not think meds make moods swings, but it is worth it to check it with doctor. Mother's suffering does cause crying and depression. One must be mother or father to understand your feelings. You want to talk, feel free to message me or to chat, considering that my poor language skills do not bother you Dorrie. Take care

[SamC]

Hey all. I hope all is at least halfway ok, NOT like I am right now. I am all over the place with my emotions. Up, down, sideways, backways, forward, Etc... I'm going to the Dr. soon, because what I'm taking is not helping. I AM very depressed, because my son in his early 20's, who is my whole heart, and not for something heinous, is in jail right now. He developed an alcohol problem over some issues in his life, and got very down to his lowest point, and got a DUI, and then tried committing suicide. He's been in for a few months, and believe it or not, it was what he needed, because he sounds like a different person now. Well, getting back to himself. The whole family adores him, and is sad, but I think it's not just that, that's going on with me. I take Pristiq, Lamictal, and Klonopin, and still crying all the time. One minute I'm in an ok mood, and then snap..another. I hate this. My mind feels like its playing tricks on me. I just don't feel right at all. Help? Dorrie


PONDER: in response to your rather uncalled for message but acceptable point of view, freedom of speech and all that....

I dont think by saying 'its what he needed' is meant as a derogatory term i think Dorrie merely means she can see a change in her son for the better, not that she thinks good hes went to jail serves him right, which is what you seem to be insinuating. its a mere figure of speech.

As for me, i am one of those people who yes were 'wrapped in cotton wool' so thank you for that accurate description but it does not take a hardened crimnial or someone who has been on the wrong side of the law to see that this woman believes her son is doing better in there and she believes its helping him. If it was not helping him and he was becoming more depressed then of course i would think towards the bad things that happened in there BUT the fact that a suicidal man has went to jail and seems to be 'a different person' for the better tends to tell me h

He is safe i.e police are watching him, if he does have any suicidle thoughts there is more chance they will stop him or talk with him, unlike if he was alone outside.
I dont know where you are from but in most countries jails have therapist/pyschologist for rehabilitation which again could be what Dorrie means why 'its what he needed'

My comment was based on what Dorrie feel and im sure she will know him best, therefore, if a mother who is clearly upset and worried for here child comes on saying her son is changing for the better in there - i may be stupid but i think not - WHY oh WHY then would anyone start to tell her about ppl getting raped and attacked in Jail, people come on here for help not to be told more bad things and if thats not the case possible i am on the wrong forum.

Thank you all the same for your response but in my opinion you jumped the gun a bit on your reply as you did not actually read what was meant in the post but thank you for your opinion, i will go back to being wrapped in cotton wool now as arguing with people who are looking for a release of pent up anger from there past to me belongs in its on thread and especially not on a post where someone is trying to reach out, really not my style.


Thanks again and Dorrie if you read all this i suggest you take what you need to as some of it im sure will hinder rather than help you.


Sam ;)

[Dorrie23]

I would not be me if I did not voice my opinion on it. First of all Dorrie I feel for you. I know you are hurting, it is your son, your baby. Only mothers who were in such situation can understand you. Only people who went through hell in jail can feel for you. I hope you both will survive it. People do not be judgmental, please you have no idea what life is planning for you.
Jail is awful, not doubts here. Jails are full of people they do not belong there, because the society is build this way. You got money you do not go to jail, you do not have it , you go there.
Someone very close to me spend 100 days in jail because someone lied. I did not help him that after 100 days in hell without the language, the charges were dismissed.

Dorrie you have us and talk to us. This forum is for people who are lost sometimes.
I do not think meds make moods swings, but it is worth it to check it with doctor. Mother's suffering does cause crying and depression. One must be mother or father to understand your feelings. You want to talk, feel free to message me or to chat, considering that my poor language skills do not bother you Dorrie. Take care

Dahila, I've been meaning to thank you for this awesome response.....regarding my anxiety and medication!!! I'm new, and nervous posting, but that's why I joined. Is to get some positive feedback and help from others that understand. I mentioned why I was already anxious to begin with, and what you said about my situation was awesome!!! He called yesterday, was a little homesick, of course, and asked all about his little bro. But he got trustee, not long after he was in there. He works in the kitchen starting at 4: a.m. to, well all day, until 7:00. He said him and the other guys in the kitchen were making Turkey and a big ole dinner for all the others in there. And that everyone seemed to be in good spirits, so I know that made the day better, and kept his mind busy. But thank you thank you thank you for your response. Take care, Dorrie

[Dorrie23]

I would not be me if I did not voice my opinion on it. First of all Dorrie I feel for you. I know you are hurting, it is your son, your baby. Only mothers who were in such situation can understand you. Only people who went through hell in jail can feel for you. I hope you both will survive it. People do not be judgmental, please you have no idea what life is planning for you.
Jail is awful, not doubts here. Jails are full of people they do not belong there, because the society is build this way. You got money you do not go to jail, you do not have it , you go there.
Someone very close to me spend 100 days in jail because someone lied. I did not help him that after 100 days in hell without the language, the charges were dismissed.

Dorrie you have us and talk to us. This forum is for people who are lost sometimes.
I do not think meds make moods swings, but it is worth it to check it with doctor. Mother's suffering does cause crying and depression. One must be mother or father to understand your feelings. You want to talk, feel free to message me or to chat, considering that my poor language skills do not bother you Dorrie. Take care

Dahila, I'm trying to figure this cotton picking thing out. I think I just posted a response meant for you to Sam C., who I already thanked. Lol. If you get a second, go to her post on this, and read what I wrote to you. Have an awesome day, hon. Dorrie

[SamC]

Im a bit confusled:@ lol........ BUT you are welcome haha :D

Im glad you are in a bit better spirits and that he seems to be too, i hope you managed to enjoy your xmas and like Dahila says any time you need to talk that why we are all here, sure from the lot of us one of us will be able to help :D

[Dorrie23]

Sam, Geese Louise!!! Leave it to good old me to pull that!! lol. You're confused. I posted twice!! ha ha. I thought "Sam is going to really realize just how new I am." lol. And then get your reply. ha ha. For me personally, laughter is the best, can be the best, medicine for my depression and mental battles. It felt really good to laugh...at my expense!! Thank you so much for letting me know, as Dahila did as well, that I have you to talk to if need be. Ok, do you have a minute now? Just playing. When you're scared to death to walk out into the water, knowing there could be sharks in there, it's no easy task. But, I'm glad I'm here, and have already met some great people. I hope you're Christmas was ok. My little guy got so many toys and stuff, he can't decide what to play with. lol. Unfortunately, I never had that problem, but I'm thankful those days are gone, and I have had the opportunity to make my own happy. Thanks again, and be on the look out for any upside down side ways backways, etc... posts from me. Ha Ha Ha. Take care you, Dorrie

[Dahila]

Dorrie I got the post, oh in craziness of the last few days I completely forgot to check this thread. I have some experiences with similar situation and I imagine you through what did once. Eventually everything will solve itself. Your son is going to come out of it, and you will do everything you can to help him to pick up the so called "Normal life" in our completely screwed up society.
I see you feel better, it made me happy, remember you have friends here. Most people on forum are kind and understanding , some went through hell already and are coming out of it, some are going through, ....we all suffer so the logical option is to support each other:)

[SamC]

Sam, Geese Louise!!! Leave it to good old me to pull that!! lol. You're confused. I posted twice!! ha ha. I thought "Sam is going to really realize just how new I am." lol. And then get your reply. ha ha. For me personally, laughter is the best, can be the best, medicine for my depression and mental battles. It felt really good to laugh...at my expense!! Thank you so much for letting me know, as Dahila did as well, that I have you to talk to if need be. Ok, do you have a minute now? Just playing. When you're scared to death to walk out into the water, knowing there could be sharks in there, it's no easy task. But, I'm glad I'm here, and have already met some great people. I hope you're Christmas was ok. My little guy got so many toys and stuff, he can't decide what to play with. lol. Unfortunately, I never had that problem, but I'm thankful those days are gone, and I have had the opportunity to make my own happy. Thanks again, and be on the look out for any upside down side ways backways, etc... posts from me. Ha Ha Ha. Take care you, Dorrie

Lol i re read it about 3 times and was like nope im still confuzled :@ hahhaa glad it made you smile tho, made me laugh to lol, take care :D

[Dorrie23]

Oh my God, I just came across these again. I quit the site after posting my first question, and getting this quite unique answer, that would be easier to read if written in English, but all the same was very clear... very clear, HURTFUL, PAINFUL, LIKE SOMEONE STUCK A KNIFE IN MY HEART. Then after several other people talked to me, sent me pq's I thought, I'm not going to let anyone run me off a site that doesn't know shit about me. You, your wife, anyone. Again, I was nervous as I could be... posting my first post, and could have said that a little different, yes, but you took it way wrong, and not only took it way wrong, but made me look awful, and ran like hell with it. How humiliating, when my heart was breaking into already for him, and it was the holidays, and I finally had the guts to join this site and got a response like this. My son HAPPENED TO BE IN ONE OF THE WORSE JAILS IN THE COUNTRY!!! He was wounded in the service and almost had his leg amputated, but it was saved by them putting a rod in from his hip to knee with five large screws holding it together. He got the Hell beat out of him three times in a row in that condition, but won, so he would gain respect, and show the other inmates he would fight back, so they would leave him alone. Some bad crap did happen to him. You don't have a clue. I wasn't about to put all of that in my very first post. MY POINT WAS... I would much rather see him there, I guess, than him cutting his wrist's to the bone like he did right before going to jail, and was on a suicide watch for the first 30 days, and almost bleed to death, in a black out. Stole two cars in a blackout. Didn't even have a clue what he was doing. The police said he was going 120. He was staying drunk every day. he found out right after his leg and knee was crushed that he made special forces. A dream since he was 12. He was at his lowest. At 15, he attempted suicide and ended up in a mental hospital. The first time I went to see him... he just stared in front of him. didnt talk, didn't look at me. It was like he was gone. Just gone. At least in jail he cant kill himself, run into or over someone else, and kill them, or steel cars, because his license was taken away from a DUI. Maybe Jail wasn't what he needed. But he sure the hell needed something. And for the first time in a long time, hes actually talking about going to some kind of college when he gets out and comes home. Something to do in the Auto Mechanics Field. He has a plan now. Before he had nothing. So.... I'm glad you spoke your mind. You do have that right sir.

[Dorrie23]

Obviously, Ponder, you didn't read the other reply I sent to you on this matter. Or you would have read that I was so nervous writing my first post, that I said things the wrong way I meant them. I explained a lot to you. You need to find the reply. He was in several fights and it is one of the worse jails in the country. I meant, that I guess it was better being in there, than driving drunk every day, very drunk, and killing himself and possibly someone else. That he stayed drunk so much, he lost seven jobs in a row from being hung over, and not being able to make it in. That he was so drunk he stole an old lady's car, driving 120 miles until it ran out of gas, and then stole another one. And that, at least in there he could live for the time being, because when he started sobering up, after steeling the second car, he saw blood and had cut both wrists to the bone and drove to the closest hospital, due to almost bleeding to death. I don't wish him in there. He is one of the most kind, intelligent, and giving and decent human being on the planet. He got to his lowest point, because since he was about 12, his dream was to make Special Forces. He joined the service, got in a wreck, car flipped four times, landed on right leg and knee, crushing them, almost had leg amputated, but they put a rod from hip to knee. Right after this happened...he found out he made "Special Forces". He came home, lived with us for a couple of years, and his mind was so gone, he barely talked. His dream happened only to be crushed. He is young, and just didn't handle it well. When I found out about the suicide attempt..I HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, and that is why I joined this site. I won't mention what my husband thought or said, because I can speak for myself. I was hurt and completely shocked at your response, as it was my first post. I don't like to air dirty laundry out too much, but there were other things going on with my other son. I happen to think I am one of the best mother's there is. As well as my boys think so too. but the question was ABOUT MEDICATION, and I mentioned that, as to why I was so depressed. That was the only thing that was focused on. You don't know me from Adam. What kind of woman, mother, etc... I am. And not to be rude, but I've hardened up some, and really quit letting responses like that even effect me. I actually said a little prayer FOR YOU!!! I realized you have to be struggling to leave such in depth, long responses, that partly I don't understand anyway. I do however, think it is very mature of you to admit you should not have been so harsh. It did devastate me, because I didn't mean it the way I wrote it. I was scared for his life, and cant imagine mine without him. That's the kind of mother I am. Don't know about yours. I certainly do not want to be an enemy. If you got to know me, you would actually like me, and actually see how I REALLY AM!! When your in a state of devastation, you sometimes word things the wrong way. That is exactly what I did. I hold no grudges against you, however. And I don't judge anyone. I needed this site as much as the next person, and am amazed at how nice the people have been to me. I only wish you peace and happiness. I know you are struggling. I don't like to see anyone go through that. I sincerely hope you can get to a point where you are comfortable with yourself, and in your own skin. That's hard to do sometimes though, I know. I've made a many of mistakes when I was younger. Probably because the only father figure I had was a chronic alcoholic. No memory of him sober. And losing my sister to cancer, my mom to a stroke, my very best friend. I hit the bottle to numb everything I felt. The past seven years of sobriety was hard at first, dealing with years of problems I ran to a bottle for. But, I am strong, and I made it. My son is strong, and though he's been through hell in there, he switched jails, and his hearing is this month. So my anxiety is a bit high. But I have tremendous Faith!!! The good thing about that, is no one can take that away from me. He actually wants to go to college, and we will support him a hundred percent. I'm sorry, if I misdirected my words, and it triggered you. But, its over, in the past, and I hold no grudges, and actually hope you don't. I wish you nothing but peace David. Truly. Take care, and work on getting better. You are strong. I can tell. You can do amazing things when you have a lot of strength. Bless you, D.

[Dahila]

Dorrie what happened? Your story is devastating. You did not get Dave, he is the sweetest and the most inspiring person I had ever met. Sometimes you need to read twice his posts to understand, and somehow feel his pain to get it.
I read your post and I feel your pain,,, ,I read anyone story I feel his/her pain....
Otherwise being here would not make any sense..
The only advice anyone can give you is; be strong because many people need you. Remember about the small one. If you feel apart they will too. someone must be strong and I have the feeling that is you. Dorrie you will survive with some bruises but you will come out of situation twice stronger. Your son will come out and hopefully make a life a good life for himself. Take care sweetheart:))