Fed up of guilt

[mikecole114]

Every day I feel more and more guilty about being ill. I don't wanna feel guilty but i hate the person I've become so much. I'm not the Same person I use to be and I'm scared I will lose all my friends so I'm going to take the step of giving myself distance from my friends I don't want them to see/ remember me like this so I will just postpone the friend ship until I'm better. What do people think about this. I just no that I will ruin my friendships when I'm like this and I can't make other people like me until I do I guess

[jkb]

Every day I feel more and more guilty about being ill. I don't wanna feel guilty but i hate the person I've become so much. I'm not the Same person I use to be and I'm scared I will lose all my friends so I'm going to take the step of giving myself distance from my friends I don't want them to see/ remember me like this so I will just postpone the friend ship until I'm better. What do people think about this. I just no that I will ruin my friendships when I'm like this and I can't make other people like me until I do I guess

Yeah it is a struggle to continue friendships and relationships whilst you are in a state that quite simply is hard for others to grasp and deal with. All I can recommend is that you concentrate on yourself, yes maybe avoiding others is at times a good thing as to not damage the relationships and just take a break instead, but when you are having good days its important to make the most of them with people who you enjoy spending time with.

We all hate the person we've become, and the only thing you can keep in your mind is love the person you WILL become. Because you'll get there, as long as you keep thinking that. Then your mind will learn to focus on the positivity that lays ahead of you, you just have to follow that golden brick road into it.

So, yes, perhaps, if you feel you could damage relationships, then yes it may only negatively effect your levels of anxiety as well as damaging relationships, making both worse in a cycle.

[mikecole114]

Yeah it is a struggle to continue friendships and relationships whilst you are in a state that quite simply is hard for others to grasp and deal with. All I can recommend is that you concentrate on yourself, yes maybe avoiding others is at times a good thing as to not damage the relationships and just take a break instead, but when you are having good days its important to make the most of them with people who you enjoy spending time with. We all hate the person we've become, and the only thing you can keep in your mind is love the person you WILL become. Because you'll get there, as long as you keep thinking that. Then your mind will learn to focus on the positivity that lays ahead of you, you just have to follow that golden brick road into it. So, yes, perhaps, if you feel you could damage relationships, then yes it may only negatively effect your levels of anxiety as well as damaging relationships, making both worse in a cycle.

I'm so scared of doing this because then I will truly be alone and have no one to share this with but I'm really thinking unselfishly in the sense that I know me continuing like this isn't going to help any of my friends who I love so I guess it's a necessary evil. I've been told I will push people away which is what I am doing but surely it's only for the best.

[jkb]

I'm so scared of doing this because then I will truly be alone and have no one to share this with but I'm really thinking unselfishly in the sense that I know me continuing like this isn't going to help any of my friends who I love so I guess it's a necessary evil. I've been told I will push people away which is what I am doing but surely it's only for the best.

You have to make the choice for the situation, it's not a case of cutting people out of your life, but it may be avoiding some contact until you are feeling better/having a good day.

People really don't want to hear your winging. Believe me my ex gf and my mother both would/do get very frustrated with me when I'm feeling sorry for myself, it gets us no where in healing and makes the relationship tiring and difficult.

Think of it like; don't actively push people away, but rather bring yourself to get used to thinking about the situation presented before you in making a decision.
E.g. Coming out tonight Mike? You don't feel good, you're in a bad way today, it's not going to do you any good because alcohol never does, so you say I can't tonight I'm not too well.
Pull yourself out of a situation where you're just going to winge at your friends and make yourself and them feel worse.
It gets us nowhere.

[mikecole114]

You have to make the choice for the situation, it's not a case of cutting people out of your life, but it may be avoiding some contact until you are feeling better/having a good day. People really don't want to hear your winging. Believe me my ex gf and my mother both would/do get very frustrated with me when I'm feeling sorry for myself, it gets us no where in healing and makes the relationship tiring and difficult. Think of it like; don't actively push people away, but rather bring yourself to get used to thinking about the situation presented before you in making a decision. E.g. Coming out tonight Mike? You don't feel good, you're in a bad way today, it's not going to do you any good because alcohol never does, so you say I can't tonight I'm not too well. Pull yourself out of a situation where you're just going to winge at your friends and make yourself and them feel worse. It gets us nowhere.


That's a good way to think about it i just hope they see that I'm doing this for them. They all hate me and no one will talk to me ATM anyway so I'm just going to shrink out the picture to try and get better

[SamC]

Hi

Please dont do that. Dont ever make yourself more alone otherwise you run the risk of spiraling more into depression. If your friends are really your friends, speak to them, tell them how you are feeling, even if you pick 1 close friend to speak to who you know will TRY to understand how you are feeling, they can be the key to you really overcoming your how you feel to you letting it take hold of your life.

Force yourself to go out and do things on occassion and arrange maybe 1 time in the week or every 2 weeks or month (whatever you feel comfy with but stick to it) for your friends to come round and do something in your comfort zone or that you enjoy even if its just sitting in the home order a pizza have a chat, play some games or watch a funny film, something just calm but enjoyable and with people you feel comfortable with, get a routine and build on it but PLEASE DO NOT ailienate yourself by cutting off your friends

Try explaining it to them and im sure they will understand and try to help you, you have no reason to feel guilty or feel shy for talking about it and im sure if they are true friends they will want to understand and help but until you talk to them and explain to them they will not understand and thats the biggest problem as how can they help if they dont understand? think about it but please try to keep your friends.

Sam :)

[mikecole114]

Hi Please dont do that. Dont ever make yourself more alone otherwise you run the risk of spiraling more into depression. If your friends are really your friends, speak to them, tell them how you are feeling, even if you pick 1 close friend to speak to who you know will TRY to understand how you are feeling, they can be the key to you really overcoming your how you feel to you letting it take hold of your life. Force yourself to go out and do things on occassion and arrange maybe 1 time in the week or every 2 weeks or month (whatever you feel comfy with but stick to it) for your friends to come round and do something in your comfort zone or that you enjoy even if its just sitting in the home order a pizza have a chat, play some games or watch a funny film, something just calm but enjoyable and with people you feel comfortable with, get a routine and build on it but PLEASE DO NOT ailienate yourself by cutting off your friends Try explaining it to them and im sure they will understand and try to help you, you have no reason to feel guilty or feel shy for talking about it and im sure if they are true friends they will want to understand and help but until you talk to them and explain to them they will not understand and thats the biggest problem as how can they help if they dont understand? think about it but please try to keep your friends. Sam :)


I've tried for months I got really drunk and screwed at my ex and now none of them are talking to me. I've tried to tell them but being at uni and being paranoid depressed and anxious I always ruin it by doing something stupid I'm not a bad person just right now I can't be a good friend and so I think if I just leave them to e happy without me texting them the whole time telling them how I'm suicidal and how I'm really upset. No one wants to hear that from a friend who's not in ur city saying stuff like that. I've put so much pressure on them and then treat them horribly when all I wanna be is better. I don't know what eles to do if I don't push them away they will leave and I will feel worse for it.

Am I talking sense or is my problems clouding my view

[jkb]

I've been there my friend, anxiety seems to make us awful drunks! Don't get drunk, avoid alcohol completely if you can, it heightens everything on the drunk state and then afterward also, its not good at all for it.

I do agree a fair bit with SamC said, from what I was saying I do not want you to alienate yourself, but realise what decisions are beneficial for your health progression which includes when to be by yourself and when to push yourself into being social (it can give a really positive boost when done right!).

MAKE SURE you are taking your meds bro! And consistent! Believe me I feel so much better than I did a week ago, in just a week I'm a different person. PROGRESSS!

[mikecole114]

I've been there my friend, anxiety seems to make us awful drunks! Don't get drunk, avoid alcohol completely if you can, it heightens everything on the drunk state and then afterward also, its not good at all for it. I do agree a fair bit with SamC said, from what I was saying I do not want you to alienate yourself, but realise what decisions are beneficial for your health progression which includes when to be by yourself and when to push yourself into being social (it can give a really positive boost when done right!). MAKE SURE you are taking your meds bro! And consistent! Believe me I feel so much better than I did a week ago, in just a week I'm a different person. PROGRESSS!

I am taking my meds and I don't wanna drink anymore but being a uni student and being depressed make it so hard to change my life style I'm trying so hard but I just keep doing everything wrong

[SamC]

Def agree there stay away from drink, its never good even without anxiety/depression and tbh im sure many people without anxiety and depression have done much worse when they are drunk ;) dont let your depression/anxiety define you, you need to define yourself and take control of your mind thats why im saying by letting your friends go you will be ailenating yourself from the problem thus allowing the illness take control of you, so please do not do that, talk to your friends, explain to them how you feel and tell them you are sorry but explain it is part of the illness just so they are aware of what may come as if people are aware and understand they are less likely to get so annoyed and wont take things to heart.

If you are feeling really low, move to a different scenario if you can i.e if your in the home feeling that way, try to get up and go for a short walk, just change the situation sometimes elievates irrational feelings.

Like jkb says realise when you need to be alone but do not push away your friends or you will be alone even when you dont want to be which is not a good situation to be in, always make sure you have a person to speak to and get into a routine of having friends round or going out do not sit alone as really its the WORST possible thing you can do.

[mikecole114]

Def agree there stay away from drink, its never good even without anxiety/depression and tbh im sure many people without anxiety and depression have done much worse when they are drunk ;) dont let your depression/anxiety define you, you need to define yourself and take control of your mind thats why im saying by letting your friends go you will be ailenating yourself from the problem thus allowing the illness take control of you, so please do not do that, talk to your friends, explain to them how you feel and tell them you are sorry but explain it is part of the illness just so they are aware of what may come as if people are aware and understand they are less likely to get so annoyed and wont take things to heart. If you are feeling really low, move to a different scenario if you can i.e if your in the home feeling that way, try to get up and go for a short walk, just change the situation sometimes elievates irrational feelings. Like jkb says realise when you need to be alone but do not push away your friends or you will be alone even when you dont want to be which is not a good situation to be in, always make sure you have a person to speak to and get into a routine of having friends round or going out do not sit alone as really its the WORST possible thing you can do.

I agree but my friends can only cope and help so much I've tried explaing myself to them but I'm always treated like I'm making this up and I'm using as an exuse to get away with things or maybe it's just me being paranoid that they would think that but I just hate feeling so guilty and dependant on others and when like now I've pissed them off and they won't talk to me I feel worse then ever

[jkb]

I agree but my friends can only cope and help so much I've tried explaing myself to them but I'm always treated like I'm making this up and I'm using as an exuse to get away with things or maybe it's just me being paranoid that they would think that but I just hate feeling so guilty and dependant on others and when like now I've pissed them off and they won't talk to me I feel worse then ever

There's a difference between letting your friends be there for you, and then forcing your problems onto them. It's definitely good to be open and sharing about the issues, so you can learn to confront them. But no one wants to sit and listen to someone winge at them about their problems, there's such a huge difference especially if you're not helping yourself OR at least to them it looks like you're not trying to help yourself. There's only so much one individual can take, trust me they will often see it as moanjy or wingey or whiney, its just the way it is, but its NOT, i repeat NOT yours or theirs fault. It's just the way things are, and we have to cope with them, and deal with the situation as best we can.

Write a journal of your feelings, every inch of it, then it is somewhere away from your head, it makes us feel like it has been heard, it helps, because there's only so much people can listen to from you, and they will get tired of trying to offer you solutions because in the end their solutions won't help you, because only YOU can find a way to get better, by confronting the anxiety and battling away at it.

You'll get there man! But by the way I don't accept that you cant stop doing the uni thing going out etc, it gets boring trust me plus when you're not well it should be the last thing you should be doing. Please trust, alcohol is a temporary sedative for anxiety, but with the added benefit of making your anxiety 10x worse for 2 days after, and possibly also in the long run.

I'm not trying to be harsh bro, just want to get be clear, sorry if this sounds harsh at all, I'm talking from a perspective of I know what you're going through, and I know how to get past it, together we'll get you through it, but you have to start making changes, it seems to me like you're in a vicious circle with partying, friends, and partners. Lets smash this depression out the park!!

[SamC]

You just confirmed my point... people treat you like your making it up because they dont understand and how can they, mood disorders for people who dont suffer sound stupid, i know i suffered anxiety for years and felt the same that i was whinging or people thought i was crazy but i just kept explaining the symptoms even showed my friends the leaflet my doctor gave me on the symptoms of anxiety and gradually they start to learn. You can do the same with depression.

It very hard for someone who does not have a mood disorder to understand but if your friends are true friends and really want to help you, they will stick by you no matter what, thats going to show real friends from the fake ones in my opinion but dont push them away, if they want to leave they will leave but they may surprise you and start to understand more. You need to show them that you are trying to help yourself tho not feeling sorry for yourself, so as hard as it is you need to make a real effort to apologise and explain whatever it was that happened, take your meds regularly and get into some routines, also no more alcohol, if they see you helping yourself and changing they (if they are true friends) will support you no matter what

[jkb]

You just confirmed my point... people treat you like your making it up because they dont understand and how can they, mood disorders for people who dont suffer sound stupid, i know i suffered anxiety for years and felt the same that i was whinging or people thought i was crazy but i just kept explaining the symptoms even showed my friends the leaflet my doctor gave me on the symptoms of anxiety and gradually they start to learn. You can do the same with depression.

It very hard for someone who does not have a mood disorder to understand but if your friends are true friends and really want to help you, they will stick by you no matter what, thats going to show real friends from the fake ones in my opinion but dont push them away, if they want to leave they will leave but they may surprise you and start to understand more. You need to show them that you are trying to help yourself tho not feeling sorry for yourself, so as hard as it is you need to make a real effort to apologise and explain whatever it was that happened, take your meds regularly and get into some routines, also no more alcohol, if they see you helping yourself and changing they (if they are true friends) will support you no matter what

Really good advice here too for you Mike A++++++